Difference between revisions of "Thinknerd Sorting Robot"
Ryo Sangnoir (Talk | contribs) (15% grease) |
(Added a ton of references. Still not sure about the "personal oppressor" line.) |
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==References== | ==References== | ||
*This robot is a reference to [[Wikipedia:Gypsy (Mystery Science Theater 3000)|Gypsy]] from [[Wikipedia:Mystery Science Theater 3000|Mystery Science Theater 3000]]. | *This robot is a reference to [[Wikipedia:Gypsy (Mystery Science Theater 3000)|Gypsy]] from [[Wikipedia:Mystery Science Theater 3000|Mystery Science Theater 3000]]. | ||
+ | *"My Minuscule Seahorse" is clearly an off-brand [[Wikipedia:My Little Pony|My Little Pony]], a harmless all-ages cartoon that the Internet turned into a bizarre subculture. The latter fans are the reason Thinknerd would carry the merchandise. | ||
+ | *The attack message about magnets is a reference to the [[Wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|ICP]] song "Miracles," which contains the infamous line "... magnets, how do they work?" | ||
+ | *The gross Distant Lands figurine refers to a [[Wikipedia:Tentacle erotica|specific fetish]] associated with Japanese porn. | ||
*The first miss message refers to [[Wikipedia:Harry Potter|Harry Potter]]. | *The first miss message refers to [[Wikipedia:Harry Potter|Harry Potter]]. |
Revision as of 19:01, 8 October 2024
Thinknerd Sorting Robot | |
---|---|
Monster ID | 1536 |
Locations | The Thinknerd Warehouse |
Hit Points | Scales |
Attack | Scales |
Defense | Scales with player stats |
Initiative | never |
Meat | None |
Phylum | construct |
Elements | None |
Resistance | None |
Monster Parts | hose, mouth, camera |
Manuel Entry | |
refreshedit data |
This robot sorts all the various tchotchkes and knick-knacks that Thinknerd sells. You know, it separates the haggis-themed stuff from the Distant Lands creepily detailed sexy figurines from the My Miniscule Seahorse merchandise.
It's got a huge scoop in the front connected to a vacuum hose, so it can suck up merchandise and vomit it back up onto the proper shelves. It's probably best not to anthropomorphize it too much.
You'd expect a robot that does this job to have a bunch of automated arms, but this robot's got no arms at all.
Hit Message(s):
It says, "now where should I sort you?" in a high, squeaky voice, then gives you a hickey trying to pick you up with its vacuum hose. Ooh! Ouch!
It says, "you, the white male, are my personal oppressor," in a high-pitched voice, then snaps its scoop shut on your <kidney>. Eek! Eek!
It scoops up a bunch of really powerful magnets and drops them on your head. So that's how those things work! Ooh! Ow!
It scoops you up in its scoop and dumps you on the floor in a heap. Ouch! Ooh!
It tosses a figurine from the Distant Lands at you. It's a cartoonish sculpture of a girl with cat ears, a thong, and an...octopus? Gross. Argh! Ugh! (sleaze damage)
It wraps its vacuum hose around your neck and squeezes. Ouch! Eek!
It picks you up and tries to sort your arms, legs, and head in separate bins. It doesn't quite succeed, but the attempt is quite painful. Eek! Oof!
It ponders where you should be sorted. You suggest Hufflepuff.
It ponders whether Professor What / Captain Kerkard fanfic should be filed under Professor What or Space Tours.
It scoops up a bunch of magnets, which temporarily scramble its brain.
It stops to ponder whether caffeinated haggis should get sorted with the caffeine products or the haggis products.
It stops to ponder whether haggis socks should go with haggis-themed products or clothing.
It tries to strangle you with your vacuum hose, but you naturally abhor it, so you get away.
It picks up a caffeinated, haggis-flavored candy kit from the Distant Lands. Should it go in the caffeinated bin, the haggis bin, the candy bin, or the Distant Lands bin? Smoke wafts from its processor as it ponders. (FUMBLE!)
You acquire an item: robot grease (15% chance)* |
You acquire an item: returned Thinknerd package |
Occurs at The Thinknerd Warehouse.
References
- This robot is a reference to Gypsy from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
- "My Minuscule Seahorse" is clearly an off-brand My Little Pony, a harmless all-ages cartoon that the Internet turned into a bizarre subculture. The latter fans are the reason Thinknerd would carry the merchandise.
- The attack message about magnets is a reference to the ICP song "Miracles," which contains the infamous line "... magnets, how do they work?"
- The gross Distant Lands figurine refers to a specific fetish associated with Japanese porn.
- The first miss message refers to Harry Potter.