The Unkindest Cut

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The Unkindest Cut
The Unkindest Cut

You wake up groggy, damp and cold, in a dark dark room. You're naked and lying on your back in a bathtub full of ice. As you regain consciousness, you realize you have a sharp pain in your spleen. You cast a spell to light the room and see that the pain in your spleen is actually the pain in the place where your spleen used to be... your spleen is sitting on the floor next to you. There's a bloody corkscrew next to it. And no, I'm not British and swearing, it's actually covered in blood. They used your own corkscrew! Those bastards! Your vision's blurry, but it looks like your spleen has a bright blue ribbon tied around it.

"I don't know where ye been, lad," you say, looking down at it. "But I see you've won first prize." You see Doc Galaktik rushing into the room as you black out again.

Occurred during St. Sneaky Pete's Day Stupor on St. Sneaky Pete's Day VII.


  • Unlike the previous St. Sneaky Pete's Day special adventures, this was not a one-time adventure.
  • This adventure did not seem to do spleen damage.
  • The morning after St. Sneaky Pete's Day, players who got this adventure got one blue ribbon regardless of the number of this adventure they received.


  • The blue ribbon as well as the line "I don't know where ye been, lad, but I see you've won first prize" are references to the song "The Scotsman" by Mike Cross (complete lyrics at In the song, a kilt-clad Scotsman gets drunk, falls asleep on the road, and is found by two young girls. Being an inquisitive pair, they decide to lift the man's kilt and see "if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt." Finding what "they" say to be true, they decide to flee, but not before tying a blue ribbon around that which they find. When the man awakes in the morning and goes to relieve himself behind some bushes, he finds the ribbon and utters the above quote.
  • The adventure is also a reference to the famous urban myth of the kidney snatchers, where the person involved wakes up in a bathtub full of ice with their kidney, not their spleen, removed. There have been several movies regarding organ theft, including Koma (2004), Dirty Pretty Things (2002), The Harvest (1993), Organ (1996), and others.
  • The adventure name comes from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, in which Antony says that Brutus stabbing Caesar was "the unkindest cut of all."