The Arrrbitrator
As you're walking along the pier at the Obligatory Pirate's Cove, you're accosted by a smarmy pirate. He doesn't seem to want to fight, though. He pulls you aside.
"So, yeah, I TOTALLY need your help," he says, winking. "It would just be GREAT if you would help me out, or whatever. I need one more judge for our annual Pirate Pageant. Do you think, if you're not too 'busy', you could 'judge' our contest? Just take a look at these three pirates and tell me who you think is the saltiest old salt to ever sail the eleven seas."
You take a look at the contestants. The first one is wearing eyeliner, for some reason, even though that's not something you generally find on a pirate ship. He has long, ratty hair, and constantly sways back and forth, like his legs never figured out he's not on a ship anymore. "Hey there, mate," he says. "The name's Jack Robinson. If you could see your way clear to voting for me, I'm sure I could reward you somehow, faster than you can say 'me'... savvy?"
The second pirate has a hook for one hand and a peg leg. He's dressed in a bright red uniform and wears a long black wig. He's wearing even more makeup than Jack Robinson. "You should definitely vote for me. Definitely. My name's Sergeant Hook, but I'm definitely up for a promotion. I'm an excellent pirate. If you vote for me, I'll give you something nice. Definitely nice. K-mart sucks."
The final pirate looks far too dashing to be a real pirate -- he looks like one of those kids who hang out at the mall pretending to be pirates. He has perfectly coiffed hair, a suave all-black outfit, and a mask tied over his eyes. "I am The Dread Pirate Bob," he says. "I am entirely sure that you will vote for me, because unlike other pirates, I can speak with an English accent. Plus, MY reward for your vote will be much better than these other two rogues."
| Vote for Jack Robinson |
You cast the deciding vote for Jack Robinson, figuring a pirate who never gets his land legs must be a good pirate indeed. He staggers up to you. "Thank ye, matey. You see, I believe that life boils down to two things ... what a man can do, and what he can't do. For example, you can accept this eyepatch as a bribe for voting for me, or you can't. But I can't wear this eyepatch because I have two good eyes, savvy?"
Savvy.
 | You acquire an item: eyepatch |
| Vote for Sergeant Hook |
You cast the deciding vote for Sergeant Hook, figuring any pirate worth his saltiness should be missing a few limbs.
"Wow. You definitely voted for me. I'm an excellent pirate.
Here, take my spare pair of pants. They definitely don't fit me with the peg leg.
There are 7,224 threads in these pants. Definitely 7,224."
 | You acquire an item: swashbuckling pants |
| Vote for the Dread Pirate Bob |
You cast the deciding vote for The Dread Pirate Bob. He may not be crusty or salty, but he definitely can speak with an English accent. "I say, excellent decision, my good man," he says. "Though I must confess I am but one in the long line of Dread Pirate Bobs, going back well into the last century. It is a title I bear with pride, however. Here, you may share in the booty from my last conquest."
He acted like he was going to give you something great, and all he gives you is some meat? Inconceivable!
 | You gain 100 Meat. |
Occurs at The Obligatory Pirate's Cove.
References
- Jack Robinson is a play on Johnny Depp's characterization of Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean.
- "Sergeant Hook" is a reference to Captain Hook, the villain from J. M. Barrie's Peter Pan.
- Sergeant Hook's dialog is a play on lines from the movie Rain Man, as spoken by Dustin Hoffman's character, who also played Captain Hook in the movie Hook, starring Robin Williams as a grown-up Peter Pan.
- "Dread Pirate Bob" is a reference to the Dread Pirate Roberts (played by Cary Elwes) from the movie The Princess Bride, and the dialog in the adventure mirrors lines found in the movie. The line "Inconceivable!" is such dialog, and is the catch phrase of Wallace Shawn's character, Vizzini.
- Dread Pirate Bob's dialog is a reference to the movie Robin Hood: Men in Tights, in which Robin Hood (also played by Cary Elwes) claims authenticity by claiming, "Because unlike some Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent."
- The dialogue of the smarmy pirate at the very beginning of the adventure seems very reminiscent of Office Space's Bill Lumbergh- perhaps one of the smarmiest characters in movie history.
|
The Obligatory Pirate's Cove Choice Adventures | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Amatearrr Night | Barrie Me at Sea | The Arrrbitrator | ||||||
| What's orange and sounds like a parrot? | stuffed shoulder parrot | Help Sammy Skillet | stuffed shoulder parrot | Vote for Jack Robinson | eyepatch | |||
| So a pirate walks into a bar... | 100 Meat | Help Captain Ladle | swashbuckling pants | Vote for Sergeant Hook | swashbuckling pants | |||
| What's gold and sounds like a pirate? | eyepatch | Help the crocodile | 100 Meat | Vote for the Dread Pirate Bob | 100 Meat | |||
