|Locations||The Obligatory Pirate's Cove|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
This is a very swarthy pirate. His swart knows no bounds. That's actually what swarthy means: full of swart. Seriously. Look it up.
He swarthily swarts you right in the <nipple>. Yeow! Argh! Ooh!
He headbutts you and scratches you with his swarthy whiskers. Ugh! Ouch!
He calls you a scurvy swab. It really hurts your feelings. Ouch! Ow! Ugh! Ooh! (sleaze damage)
He arrrbitrarily buckles half of your swashes. At least the other half are safely unbuckled. Ouch! Ouch!
He leaps up, grabs a rope, swings from the yarrrrdarrrm, and slams his feet into your head. That's got to be the best pirate you've ever seen. Ow! Ugh! Ow! Eek!
He tries to swarthily swart you, but you subtly and surrepititiously dodge.
He tries to headbutt you, but you spin around and butthead him.
He calls you a scurvy swab, but you point out that you've been eating plenty of limes.
He arrrbitrarily decides not to attack this round. Ye scurvy swab.
He leaps up, grabs a rope, swings from the yarrrdarrrm, completely misses you, and falls flat on his swarthy face. He's got to be the worst pirate you've ever seen. (FUMBLE!)
|You gain 20-30 Meat (average: 25, stdev: 2.42)*|
|You acquire an item: leotarrrd (10.5% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: pirate pelvis (18.0% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: stuffed shoulder parrot (9.7% chance)*|
|You gain 15-16 <substat>.|
Occurs at The Obligatory Pirate's Cove.
- The critical and fumble messages are both references to Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, where Norrington calls Jack Sparrow the worst pirate he's ever seen, and in a later scene Gilette calls him the best pirate he's ever seen.
- The miss message about scurvy and limes is a reference to the disease scurvy which is a deficiency of vitamin C, something in which limes are rich.