Pygmy witch nurse

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Pygmy witch nurse
Monster ID 1433
Locations The Hidden Hospital
Hit Points 148
Attack 148
Defense 148
Initiative 60
Meat 80-120
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
bag of pygmy blood, sphygmomanometer, tongue depressor
Manuel pygmy witchhazel
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
pygmy witch nurse You're fighting a pygmy witch nurse

Oh sure, the witch doctors do all the fancy important stuff like communing with spirits and exorcising demons and cutting holes in peoples' skulls, but who does the real work, huh? Who has to clean up all the blood and guts afterward? The witch nurse, that's who!

So naturally this one isn't particularly thrilled to see some giant clod of an adventurer clomping around the hospital while he's on duty.

Hit Message(s):

He rams a tongue depressor down your throat until you gag. Ugh. Ugh!

He puts a bandage on your <calf> and rips it off really fast. Yipe! Ouch!

He takes your blood pressure, forcing the tiny pressure cuff onto you and inflating it until you almost pass out. Ugh!

He gives you a vaccination against boaraffe pox, which you weren't at any risk of contracting, with a big, big needle. Ugh!

He pricks your finger to take some blood. For some reason, it hurts worse than having your guts sliced open. What's the deal, fingertips? Eek!

He sticks one of those what-do-you-call-its in your ear. Oh, right. Scalpel. He sticks a scalpel in your ear. Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

He sticks an IV needle into your arm and delivers 150ccs of an herbal medicine that's actually a deadly poison, to which most pygmies have developed immunity over years of ingestion. You haven't. Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to use a tongue depressor on you, but you point out your tongue's plenty depressed without his help.

He tries to put a bandage on you and rip it off really fast, but you decide to just keep it on.

He tries to take your blood pressure, but can't fit the cuff onto you.

He tries to vaccinate you against boaraffe pox, but you have crazy and ill-informed opinions about vaccines being dangerous.

He tries to prick your finger, but you tell him to be a prick somewhere else.

He tries to examine your ears, but you wouldn't hear of it.

Fumble Message:

He checks your vital signs, and seems confused that your heart is beating half as fast as a pygmy heart beats. You remind him that you're twice his size, at which point he wonders if it's wise to fight you. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 80-120 Meat (average: 100, stdev: 8.56)*
Energyiv.gifYou acquire an item: bag of pygmy blood (?% chance)*
Bpcuff.gifYou acquire an item: sphygmomanometer (15% chance)*
Popstick.gifYou acquire an item: tongue depressor (5% chance)*
You gain ? <substat>.

Occurs in The Hidden Hospital.