Pine bat

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Pine bat
Monster ID 149
Locations Entryway
Hit Points 8
Attack 14
Defense 10
No-Hit 24
Initiative 60
Meat 18-26
Phylum beast
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, wing
batgut, bat wing, Pine-Fresh air freshener
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
pine bat You're fighting a pine bat

This is a bat with the body of one of those car air fresheners. Y'know, not the kind where there's like a sponge in a can, but the kind that are like a little pine tree that hangs from the mirror?

Hit Message(s):

It smacks you with its fake cardboard tree. It wears you out, it wears you out. Eek! Argh!

It blinds you with a spray of pure evergreen scent. It's like drowning in pine-sol. Ow! Eek! (stench damage)

It bonks you with its cardboard body. That ordinarily wouldn't hurt, but it does when it's right in YOUR EYE! Ow! Ooh!

It flies straight into your mouth! Yuck! Actually, the fake tree flavor just tastes like gin, but gin's pretty nasty. Argh! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

It surrounds you with a, flock of its fellow pine bats. Together, they batter you with fake evergreen fumes and leathery wings until you're on the floor. Ow! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to smack you with its fake cardboard tree, but falls to the ground. Gravity always wins.

It sprays fake tree aroma at you, but you hold your nose and close your eyes.

It bonks into you with its cardboard body. It doesn't hurt.

It tries to batter you with its wings, but you've had too much beer to be easily battered.

Fumble Message:

It starts to spew more evergreen scent at you, but fades a bit in color and runs out. Looks like it's time to get another tree in your mirror so your car don't smell. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 18-26 Meat (average: 22, stdev: 2)*
Batgut.gifYou acquire an item: batgut (14.3% chance)*
Batwing.gifYou acquire an item: bat wing (13.5% chance)*
Pinefresh.gifYou acquire an item: Pine-Fresh air freshener (15.9% chance)*
You gain 3-4 <substat>.

Occurs at Entryway.


  • The attack and miss messages that mention a "fake cardboard tree" refer to "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead, which features lyrics such as "Gravity always wins" and "It wears me out, it wears me out".
  • The attack dodging message "You hold your nose and close your eyes" refers to the song "Love Potion #9" by The Searchers.
  • The fumble message "Looks like it's time to get another tree in your mirror so your car don't smell" refers to the song "Slow Ride" by the Beastie Boys.