Pantry Raid!

From TheKolWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Pantry Raid!
Pantry Raid!

You turn a corner in the haunted shelves of the haunted pantry and see a strange figure carefully studying some runes carved into one of the shelves. She has a[sic] longish hair, and the improbably thickness of her lips is matched only by her ridiculously huge, gravity-defying bosom area. You step cautiously closer, and the figure catches sight of you and spins around. Huh... never mind all the 'she' and 'her' in the previous couple of sentences.

"So, uh, what's your deal?" you ask.

"I'm a raider," he says. "I've been searching the pantry for mystical artifacts for a while now."

"So you're a pantry raider?"

"Yeah," he says, and sighs. "I used to just steal underwear from the sorority orcs, until one fateful night when I was hit by lightning in the misspelled cematary. It's not a bad life, though, all things considered."

"I'm sure it's fascinating," you say. "Can I try?"

"Okay," he responds, "but first you have to look the part. First, I need to inject this stuff into your lips... there."

"I's kinna harr oo alk," you say.

"You'll get used to it. Now, we just need to sling these two bags full of sand across your chest..."

"Ey're heavy. Is bis strikly nessary?"

"Yup. I don't make the rules. All raiders have to have giant lips and must be improbably top-heavy. There, you're all outfitted! Now I can teach you the ins and outs of the raiding profession."

"Ank ou."

Cocobra.gifYou acquire an effect: Enhanced Archaeologist
(duration: 10 Adventures)

Occurs at The Haunted Pantry (Bad Moon only).



  • This adventure, like the effect it grants, is a direct reference to Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider series of video games, as the character has always been "well-endowed."
  • Using bags of sand as fake breasts is probably a reference to The 40 Year Old Virgin, when Steve Carell makes the hilarious and flabbergasted statement "You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand."