Some oil seeps from the ground in front of you and flows your way. "Hey, wanna fight?" it burbles. "It'll be a gas. Get it?"
"Yes, and now I'd like to give it back," you say.
Some oil seeps up from the ground in front of you, burbling evilly. "Well, come on and fight me, then," you say, "are you a lubriCAN, or a lubriCAN'T?"
There's a rumble beneath your feat and some oil seeps out, burbling a happy sigh. "Ah, finally, I'm not trapped inside the mountain anymore," it says. "I really needed a change. Get it? Oil? Change?"
"Ugh," you reply.
A puddle of oil oozes out of the ground and rises up in front of you. "Sweet, I'm finally out," it burbles. "Oil bet you're going to try and fight me now."
"After that pun, you're right," you reply.
A puddle of oil seeps out of the ground in front of you and burbles "oil can. Oil can."
"Oil can what?" you ask.
"Oil can beat the crap out of you for making crappy puns," the puddle says, starting to rise.
With a rumble and a gush (and other onomatopoeia), a slick of oil seeps from the ground in front of you and ripples happily. "Ah, that's better," it burbles, "I was under pressure and I needed a release. Not to be crude, of course, but you know how it is."
It slaps a pseudopod right across your mouth. Did you know crude oil tastes just like stale Doritos? Now you know. Argh! Ouch! (sleaze damage)
It gives you an oily smack that is neither light or sweet, but definitely crude. Argh! Oof! (sleaze damage)
It extrudes an oily pseudopod right into your ear. It's like the slimiest wet willie ever. Argh! Argh! (sleaze damage)
It gives you an oil change, by which I mean it removes a significant portion of your blood and replaces it with oil. (CRITICAL HIT!) Oof! Ooh!
It tries to slap a pseudopod across your mouth, but for one brief and rare instant, your mouth is closed.
It tries to give you a light sweet smack, but its technique is too crude.
It tries to stick an oily pseudopod in your ear, but you avoid getting an oily wet willie.
It tries to give you an oil change, but lacks the viscosity and tenacity to do so. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: bubblin' crude (100% chance)*|
After the battle:
The oil slick evaporates, relieving the oil pressure on the peak just a little bit.
You killed that oil slick quick, Rick! The oil pressure on the peak drops a few microbowies per mercury.
The burbling spring of oil running in front of you slowly dries up and seeps back into the ground. The oil pressure has dropped by at least one microbowie per mercury.
The overall level of oil inside the Peak drops a little bit as the oil slick you just fought evaporates.
You killed that oil slick with grace! The pressure on the peak drops a little bit.
The rumbling of trapped oil beneath you quiets a little bit. Looks like killing that oil slick dropped the pressure a little.
The bubblin' crude in front of you gets a little less bubbly and a lot less crude. Keep it up and you'll have the peak clear in no time!
The ground beneath you stops creaking and shifting a little bit, as the pressure drops a couple of microbowies per mercury.
And, if you are wearing dress pants:
Your dress pants manage to soak up a little more of the oil from the ground, too. Dammit.
- The bit about the pressure going down in "microbowies per mercury" David Bowie and Queen (incl. Freddy Mercury) released a song called "Under Pressure."
- A vertical column of liquid metal mercury has been used for centuries to measure atmospheric pressure. Some aged dinosaurs still use "inches of mercury" as its units.
- Beating a slick with grace is a reference to Jefferson Airplane/Starship member Grace Slick.
- Slick Rick is a British rapper.