Mysterious Island Quest

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The Council of Loathing sends you on a mission to incite war between the hippies and the frat boys, and to make sure it's over by tourist season. Now you've started the quest, the Mysterious Island will have the adventures of The Hippy Camp (Verge of War) and Orcish Frat House (Verge of War).


Starting the war

The Hippy/Frat Boy War

  • To fight against the Frat Boys, first equip the War Hippy Fatigues. To do battle with the Hippies, wear the Frat Warrior Fatigues. Then, go face the opposing army on The Battlefield.
  • Each side has 1000 enemies. As the fighting progresses, you will encounter higher-ranking and stronger enemies.
  • For every enemy you defeat on the Battlefield, your comrades will also do their part. How much they help depends on how many side quests you've completed in the side's uniform. With your kill, 2^[complete sidequests] foes will fall each adventure. Note: If you are trying to obtain the Order of the Silver Wossname, you will need to track your kills carefully from the start of the war.
Sidequests complete: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Kills per fight: 1 2 4 8 16 32 64
  • The Orcish Frat House now contains a shop, where you can trade various Hippy items in for quarters, which you can use to buy purchase items. There is a similar store in The Hippy Camp where you can exchange Frat Boy items for dimes, which you can use to buy various items. These shops can only be accessed in their corresponding outfits.


  • Note: Doing a sidequest in an army's outfit only boosts that army's kills per battle. For example, if you did a sidequest in the Hippy Fatigues, but switched to the Frat Warrior Fatigues to fight, the Frat Boy army would only kill one Hippy per fight. Fighting on the Hippy side, however, would kill two Frat Boys per fight.
  • Our Lady of Perpetual Indecision, McMillicancuddy's Farm, and The Organic Orchard are available as a Hippy immediately. The Lighthouse, Mysterious Island Arena, and The Junkyard are available as a Frat Warrior immediately. If you take the time to fight there as a soldier of the opposing army, you will receive a better reward after the war is over.
  • To get to areas behind the enemy army, you must fight until enough enemies are downed to get through. When fighting as a Frat Warrior, the Organic Orchard will unlock earliest, then Our Lady of Perpetual Indecision, and McMillicancuddy's Farm last. As a War Hippy, the Lighthouse unlocks first, followed by the Junkyard and finally the Arena. It takes 64 kills in total to unlock the first area, 238 for the second, and 504 for the final area.
  • Note that an outfit from one of the armies is generally required to begin and end a sidequest, but may or may not be needed to actually perform the quest. The Our Lady of Perpetual Indecision quest must be done in an army outfit all the way through -- presumably because any one of the brigand fights could in theory be the one that completes the quest, and you must be in an army outfit to determine the rewards. In The Organic Orchard, on the other hand, you can fight the filthworms in any outfit.

Mysterious Island Arena

  • Visit here as a Frat Warrior to receive rock band flyers, or as a Hippy to receive jam band flyers. You will be asked to distribute them around the island.
  • Distribute the flyers by using them in combat against monsters. You can do this against any monsters, not just those around the island. However, fliers cannot be used on the Battlefield – you're too busy trying to destroy their army to invite them to the show.
  • It may be useful to have a Levitating Potato, or a similar attack prevention method, in order to not get hit by retaliating monsters.
  • After distributing enough flyers, the arena is unlocked. In the arena is a choice adventure that can be accessed once per day.
  • The number of flyers that need to be distributed is not absolute, but depends on the monster levels of each enemy that they're posted on. The higher the monster level, the better. You need a total of 10,000 ML to complete the quest, and adding ML (via effects or items) does help.
  • An easy way to finish this quest is to use the flyer on the Guy made of bees. Its monster level is over 10,000. Using the flyer will instantly kill you, but you will get credit for advertising. Or, if you have Ambidextrous Funkslinging, use both the flyer and the Antique hand mirror to complete the quest and avoid dying.
  • If you distributed rock band flyers, you can...
    • "Try to get into the music" to gain Elvish for twenty adventures, which boosts all stats by 10%.
    • "Bust a move" to gain Winklered for twenty adventures, which boosts meat gain by 40%.
    • "Pick a fight" to gain White-boy Angst for twenty adventures, which does something (increases combat initiative?).
  • If you distributed jam band flyers, you can...
    • "Party with the free spirits" to gain Moon'd for twenty adventures, which may increase the effects of the moons.
    • "Investigate a curious cloud of smoke" to gain Dilated Pupils for twenty adventures, which may boost item drops.
    • "Join a drum circle" to gain Optimist Primal for twenty adventures, which adds five pounds to your familiar's weight.

The Junkyard

  • Speak to Yossarian, The Junkman, who will give you a molybdenum magnet and ask you to find his molybdenum hammer, molybdenum screwdriver, molybdenum pliers, and molybdenum crescent wrench.
  • Before adventuring, speak to Yossarian again to find out where you need to search. Each time you obtain another tool, he will send you to a different part of the Junkyard. You need to adventure where he says to in order to obtain his tools.
  • To obtain his tools, watch the Gremlins' attack messages. When they throw a tool at you, use the magnet to grab it. Doing so will cause you to win the battle automatically. Make sure to use the magnet immediately after getting the combat message of the tool or you won't get it until another message of that tool appears.
  • Only one type of gremlin drops each tool. You can prolong a battle with the correct gremlin until it whips out the tool you're looking for. It helps to use a reusable combat item (like Spices) until the gremlin throws the proper tool at you. If you encounter any other type of gremlin, you can kill it quickly and move on.
  • Note: Even if you are not in the area Yossarian indicates, all gremlins will still use their tool occasionally. Therefore, it can be worth while to stasis all gremlins except the A.M.C Gremlin, because they will all drop tools.
Tool Gremlin
hammer batwinged gremlin
screwdriver vegetable gremlin
pliers spider gremlin
crescent wrench erudite gremlin

The Organic Orchard

McMillicancuddy's Farm

Our Lady of Perpetual Indecision

  • Speak to the nuns here to learn of the dirty thieving brigands in The Themthar Hills. The nuns will ask you to help retrieve the 100,000 meat stolen from them.
  • Anything that increase meat drops will make this sidequest go more quickly.
  • HOWEVER, if you try to use meat vortices, YOU will gain the meat, and it will not go towards the quest. If you're looking to meat farm, then this is the place and time to use them! Using a meat vortex will cause up to 1000 meat in drops.
  • The brigands drop lots of meat, but after each combat in The Themthar Hills, a nun will come to collect the meat back.
  • Notes From Nuns:

At 1000 meat- "Almost all of the Meat is still in the hands of those bandits --please continue your efforts!"

At 25,000 meat- "You've recovered a good portion of the stolen Meat, but there's still plenty left."

At 50,000 meat- "You've recovered more than half of what was stolen, Adventurer! It won't be long now!"

At 75,000 meat- "You're almost done! It won't be long now until all of the Meat is recovered!"

At 100,000 meat- "I think this is the last of it! However can we repay you for your assistance?"

  • After recovering all the meat, the nuns turn their church into a field hospital. They will now heal up to 1000 HP for free three times per day if unlocked as a Hippy, or massage you to restore up to 1000 HP and 1000 MP if unlocked as a Frat Warrior.

The Lighthouse

Ending the War


  • A medal is awarded by the council depending on which army you led to victory, and how many sidequests you accomplished. Completing a side quest in the other army's fatigues does not count towards a medal.
Hippy Victory Frat Boy Victory
0 sidequests Hmedballoon.gif Red Balloon of Valor Nopic2.gif Uranium Omega of Temperence(?)
1 sidequests Hmedhshoe.gif Purple Horseshoe of Honor Fmedzeta.gif Lead Zeta of Chastity
2 sidequests Hmeddiamond.gif Blue Diamond of Honesty Fmedepsilon.gif Aluminum Epsilon of Humility
3 sidequests Hmedclub.gif Green Clover of Justice Fmeddelta.gif Zinc Delta of Tranquility
4 sidequests Hmedmoon.gif Yellow Moon of Compassion Fmedgamma.gif Nickel Gamma of Frugality
5 sidequests Hmedstar.gif Orange Star of Sacrifice Fmedbeta.gif Iron Beta of Industry
6 sidequests Hmedheart.gif Pink Heart of Spirit Fmedalpha.gif Copper Alpha of Sincerity
Destroy both armies Wossname.gif Order of the Silver Wossname

  • If you completed a sidequest, you can return for more assistance in your journeys.
    • If you helped out Yossarian in The Junkyard, you can return to fight more Gremlins.
    • If you cleared out the Filthworm infestation by The Organic Produce Stand, you can go to The Hippy Store for a cut of the profits and all kinds of fruits and vegetables. Helping them as a Hippy unlocks fruits for schnapps and pies, while helping them as a Frat Boy unlocks vegetables for fermenting basic booze used in cocktailcrafting.
    • If you helped McMillicancuddy's Farm with their duck problem as a Hippy, you can return there and defeat another ten ducks a day. If you did it as a Frat Boy, you can kill up to fifteen ducks a day. Running away does not count towards your daily limit.
    • If you helped retrieve the meat stolen from Our Lady of Perpetual Indecision as a Hippy, they will heal 1000 HP up three times per day. If you did it as a Frat Boy, they will heal 1000 HP and 1000 MP up to three times per day.
    • If you brought enough gunpowder back to The Lighthouse, you can return Sonofa Beach to collect even more. The lighthouse keeper will turn them into bombs and weapons for you.
    • If you helped distribute fliers at the Mysterious Island Arena, you can return for a buff once a day if the side whose concert you promoted won the war.


Initial council text:

Adventurer, we have heard rumors that trouble is brewing on the Mysterious Island of Mystery. The hippies and frat boys are agitating for war. I mean, they've always been a little tense with each other, but now it's getting serious. We couldn't be happier.

We'd like you to go over there and make sure that war starts. We don't care how it starts and we don't care who wins. Maybe the hippies will wipe out the frat boys, or maybe the frat boys will annihilate the hippies, or maybe they'll eradicate each other. It's kind of like watching two hot girls mud-wrestle -- no matter who loses, we win.

Subsequent visits:

Hey, have you managed to start the war on the Mysterious Island yet? If you can't get them sufficiently worked up, try assassinating Franz Ferdinand. Historically, that tends to work.

After starting the war:

Excellent work, adventurer! You've finally managed to get those idiots to fight each other. Now you've got to make sure the battle ends before the tourist season. I mean, would you rather go visit the "beautiful tropical island" or the "body-strewn war zone?"

Well, there's no accounting for taste. We happen to believe most people would prefer the beautiful tropical island. Get out there and rack up some casualties so we can get this over with, will you?

If you're not making enough progress, you should try helping some of the other denizens of the island. Unlike every other fantasy Kingdom in the world, if you're stuck you should visit every location and talk to everyone.

After leading the Hippies to victory:

Great work, adventurer! You finally rid the island of those smug bastard frat boys. The tourist trade is going to boom now that travelers don't have to worry about being forced to do beer bongs while being paddled. Now they can choose to be paddled without doing a beer bong or vice versa!

Here you go -- you're now a decorated war hero. Don't let it go to your head.

SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]

After leading the Frat Boys to victory:

Good job, adventurer! You finally rid the island of those smelly hippies. The tourist trade is going to boom without them stinking up the place! Now, if only there were something we could do about the frat boys. Oh well, at least they make good margaritas.

Here you go -- you're now a decorated war hero. Don't let it go to your head.

SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]

After defeating both sides:

Congratulations, adventurer! You've managed to get both sides to wipe each other out. No more stinky incense or sleazy pick-up lines, and you've also created a poignant metaphor of the futility of war. Don't worry, we're sure that last bit was an accident.

Here you go -- you're now a decorated war hero. Don't let it go to your head.

Wossname.gifYou acquire an item: Order of the Silver Wossname

Initial quest log text:

Make War, Not... Oh, Wait
The Council has gotten word of tensions building between the hippies and the frat boys on the Mysterious Island of Mystery.

They suspect that the two factions are about to go to war, and they want to make sure it's a big war. They want you to head down there and see if you can't stir up some trouble.

After starting the war:

You've managed to get the war between the hippies and frat boys started, and now the Council wants you to finish it.

You can aid the war effort by fighting on the Battlefield, or you can help out some of the other residents of the island in the hopes that they'll aid the side you're fighting for.

After leading the Hippies to victory:

You led the filthy hippies to victory in the Great War. For Gaia!

After leading the Frat Boys to victory:

You led the Orcish frat boys to victory in the Great War. For The Horde!

After defeating both sides:

You started a chain of events that led the pirates to annihilate both the hippies and the frat boys in the Great War. Toasty!


  • This quest is not unlocked till you have unlocked and visited The Palindome.
  • Figures of the opposite team disappear from the battlefield image after every few kills you make. The number of kills needed to advance to the next image starts small, and increases as you approach the image whose filename ends with 32.
  • Using a flaregun while fighting in the battlefield will not do any damage to the hippies/frat boys.


  • When you adventure in the orcish frat house you meet the orcish women making weapons this is a reference that in WW2 the women made the ammunitions because the men were over seas
  • The Council of Loathing's comment that "no matter who loses, we win" may be a reference to the tagline of the movie Alien vs Predator, "Whoever wins, we lose."
  • The quest rewards when fighting on the hippy side are a reference to "Lucky Charms" cereal, which contains marshmallow shapes of all of the badges shown. The combination of colour and shape does tend to remind one of, for instance, "Purple Heart" medals.
  • The quest rewards when fighting on the frat boy side, comparatively, are Greek letters, ranging in order from first (Alpha) to last (Omega), all with accompanying metallic descriptors.
  • The quest rewards also bear a striking similarity to some of the Eight Virtues as described in the Ultima games--Honesty, Compassion, Valor, Justice, Sacrifice, Honor, Spirituality and Humility.
  • The rest of the rewards seem to be some (but not all) of Benjamin Franklin's "13 Virtues" which included Temperence, Silence, Order, Resolution, Frugality, Industry, Sincerity, Justice, Moderation, Cleanliness, Tranquility, Chastity, and Humility.
  • It can also be noted that the virtues in the frat boy rewards are those least likely to be shown by the Orcish Frat Boys.
  • The possible consequences of the war were seen during the days of the Temporal Rifts, at the The Mysterious Island in the As-Yet-Unimplemented Future. Fortunately, it seems that future has not come to pass. Yet. However, during the war, there is a conspicuous absence of pirates, like in this future.
  • "For The Horde!" in the Orcish frat boys victory message refers to the Warcraft series, where the Orc race is a member of the Horde. Some Orc units will occasionally yell "For the Horde!" during play.
  • "For Gaia" is a reference to the Greek goddess Gaia who is the goddess of the earth-which hippies often protect and worship in a sense
  • "Toasty!" is a reference to Mortal Kombat II, in which strong uppercuts would occasionally result in the developer's head popping out of the corner to exclaim 'toasty!' in a cheerful, high-pitched voice.
  • The name "Sonofa Beach" is an often-made pun on the phrase "son of a bitch".