Mysterious Island Arena
From TheKolWiki
The Mysterious Island Arena is unlocked during the Mysterious Island Quest on the Mysterious Island. You may Advertise for the Mysterious Island Arena. It becomes available while wearing the War Hippy Fatigues after 458 members of the Frat army have been killed.
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You wander up to the amphitheater, mentally picturing yourself pouring your heart out in front of millions of screaming fans (but don't worry, we won't tell anyone). You see two guys scuffling in front of the bulletin board where upcoming acts can post their flyers. One has carefully disheveled hair, a polo shirt with a popped collar, and a general air of smug superiority. The other is dressed like your basic trust fund hippy -- really expensive clothes designed to look like you just dug them out of a trash can. Both men are frantically papering over each other's posters as fast as they can. "Uh, what's the problem here, guys?" you ask. |
If you Advertise for the Mysterious Island Arena during the war, and the side that you advertised for wins the war, you will be able to listen to a concert once per day, which will give you a beneficial effect.
Contents
If advertised with jam band flyers
- You roll up to the amphitheater and see that the Goat Cheese Occurence is well into the first song of their four-hour, one-song set. You stand and listen for about twenty minutes waiting for the first verse to start, but the lead singer is more interested in shouting into the pickups on his guitar than singing. After a while you get a little bored, and glance around to see what other forms of entertainment present themselves.
| Party with the free spirits |
- Sadly, selecting this option doesn't mean you get booze without having to pay for it. We were talking about people with few inhibitions -- sorry for the confusion.
- You decide to hang out with a fun-loving, anything-goes group of concert-goers. You kick around a hacky-sack for a while, dance to the music, and talk about souls and fate and whatnot. Then one of the free spirits takes her top off, which is pretty okay, and one of the dudes takes his shirt off, which isn't bad -- then suddenly everyone's naked, covered in mud, and wrestling around. You decide your spirit isn't quite as free as all that, and you beat feet. Unfortunately, the vision of the moonslight reflecting off some guy's hairy, naked butt refuses to be scrubbed from your mind's eye.
 | You acquire an effect: Moon'd (duration: 20 Adventures) |
- Moon'd gives +5 Stats Per Fight.
| Investigate a curious cloud of smoke |
- You see a cloud of smoke wafting up from somewhere in the stands at the amphitheater. You decide to go see if some hippies have caught fire, since that's usually good for a few minutes' entertainment. You wander over and see a funk of hippies standing over a fire, inhaling the smoke.
- "Remember, kids, smoking is very, very bad for you," you say.
- "Not this smoke, man," a hippy replies. "This fire is made from a bunch of wooden sticks that I used to use to display my collection of hemp ties. You've never smoked until you've smoked some tie stick, man."
- You lean over and inhale deeply. Your sinuses let out a brief wail of terror, but once you're done coughing, you feel pretty groovy. Man.
 | You acquire an effect: Dilated Pupils (duration: 20 Adventures) |
- Dilated Pupils gives +20% Item Drops from Monsters.
| Join a drum circle |
- You wander off to where a funk of hippies is having a drum circle; they're banging all kinds of percussion almost (but irritatingly not quite) in time with the music on the stage. You borrow a drum from one of the hippies -- he doesn't mind, since no one can own anything, anyway -- and pound away for a while.
- The simple joy of hitting something that can't hit back puts you in touch with your primal instincts; you feel a kinship with all forms of animal life, as well as a cautious hope for the future of life everywhere.
 | You acquire an effect: Optimist Primal (duration: 20 Adventures) |
- Optimist Primal gives +5 to Familiar Weight.
Subsequent visits that day:
- You roll up to the amphitheater and see that the Goat Cheese Occurence is well into the first song of their four-hour, one-song set. You stand and listen for about twenty minutes waiting for the first verse to start, but the lead singer is more interested in shouting into the pickups on his guitar than singing. After a while you get a little bored, and glance around to see what other forms of entertainment present themselves.
- Unfortunately, you think you've pretty much tapped out this event's entertainment potential for today.
If advertised with rock band flyers
- You roll up to the amphitheater and see that Radioactive Child has already taken the stage. After listening for a few minutes, you really wish they'd give it back. Their lead singer's voice is pitched somewhere between a moan, a whine, and a hiccup through a mouth full of marbles. The concert-goers seem to be into it, though: they're all busy looking sensitive and disinterested to hide the fact that they want to dance.
- You start to get bored and look around for something with which to entertain yourself.
| Try To Get Into The Music |
- You edge closer to the front of the stage and try to understand what the vocalist is singing. "Ab I bor-danube arg'n foor" he sings, a single tear rolling down his cheek. "Ah! Bedryin' dodellya anythee juwannaheer, cuz dats joost whoeye yamdis wee..." Suddenly it hits you -- the reason you can't understand the lyrics is because they're not English words, but the ancient language of the Pork Elves! And here you had thought Elvish was dead! You're not well-versed in the language, but you translate enough to unravel the spell that's hidden in the song.
 | You acquire an effect: Elvish (duration: 20 Adventures) |
- Elvish gives All Attributes +10%.
| Bust a move |
- You look around briefly for a pair of dragons arranging brightly-colored spheres, but can't find any, so you direct your attention to the stage. The lead singer looks frustrated -- as the next song begins, he screams "Tits! Tits!" into the mic, then looks frustrated again, then screams "Tits! Tits!" again. You finally figure out that he's trying to say "Dance! Dance!"
- You take pity on him and start bobbing your head in time with the music. A particularly attractive person -- you know, someone with whom you'd like to have horizontal relations -- sees your funky moves and drops you a salacious wink. It's a wink that is so full of sensual suggestion that it reverberates in your mind long after the winker has disappeared.
 | You acquire an effect: Winklered (duration: 20 Adventures) |
- Winklered gives +40% Meat from Monsters.
| Pick a fight |
- Suddenly it hits you -- you're at a concert with a ton of frat boys! Surely there's somebody here who's ready to get into a nice, big, entertaining brawl. After all, how much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? You shove a big frat-boy in front of you, and he spins around.
- "Hey, I don't think you considered how your actions might affect me," he says, tears welling in his eyes. "I mean, I'm pretty fragile right now. My girlfriend left me, and my parents don't understand me, and...oh....just everything. Why don't you sit down with me and we can have a good talk and a good cry?"
- You walk away disgusted and try again. And then again, with the same result -- all these frat boys are too busy being sensitive to start something. Your pent-up rage grows with every weepy pair of eyes above a popped collar that you encounter. Ironically, you feel like finding something to break; apparently, that was only suitable frat-boy behavior a couple years ago.
 | You acquire an effect: White-boy Angst (duration: 20 Adventures) |
- White-boy Angst gives +50% Combat Initiative.
Subsequent visits that day:
- You roll up to the amphitheater and see that Radioactive Child has already taken the stage. After listening for a few minutes, you really wish they'd give it back. Their lead singer's voice is pitched somewhere between a moan, a whine, and a hiccup through a mouth full of marbles. The concert-goers seem to be into it, though: they're all busy looking sensitive and disinterested to hide the fact that they want to dance.
- You start to get bored and look around for something with which to entertain yourself.
- Unfortunately, you think you've pretty much tapped out this event's entertainment potential for today.
Notes
- If you do not finish the Arena sidequest during the war, you finish this sidequest as one faction and then turn around and defeat the same faction in the war, or you destroy both sides of the war, the arena will also be deserted, and you will not be able to gain any effects. Trying to adventure there if this happens gives the message:
The stage at the Mysterious Island Arena is empty.
- During the war, you can quickly finish the rock band flyers by using one on The Guy Made of Bees in The Haunted Bathroom.
References
- "Goat Cheese Occurrence" is a reference to the band String Cheese Incident.
- "Radioactive Child" is a reference to the band Fall Out Boy.
- "through a mouth full of marbles" may be a reference to a line in "Smells Like Nirvana" by Weird Al Yankovic: "It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss with all these marbles in my mouth."
- The lyrics from "Trying to Get Into the Music" are from the Fall Out Boy song "Sugar We're Going Down": "Am I more than you bargained for yet / I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear / Cause that's just who I am this week."
- The singer of Radioactive Child yelling, "Tits! Tits!" is a reference to the Fall Out Boy song "Dance Dance" where the words "Dance Dance" are remarkably hard to understand.
- "The lead singer screaming into the pickups of his guitar" is a reference to Modest Mouse -- Jick once avowed that they were the worst live act he had ever seen, mostly due to the lead singer spending the better part of an hour screaming into his guitar pickups.
- "After all, how much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?" is a reference to the movie Fight Club.
- The "pair of dragons arranging brightly-colored spheres" referenced in the "Bust a Move" choice is likely a reference to the game Puzzle Bobble, which is known in most English-speaking countries as Bust-A-Move.
- The line "you feel like finding something to break" is a reference to the Limp Bizkit song "Break Stuff."
- "And here you had thought Elvish was dead" is a sly nod to the rumors that Elvis Presley is still alive.
- The line about "smoking tie stick" is referencing Thai stick, a marijuana variant.
