View source for Employee Assignment Kiosk

{{adventuretop|name=Employee Assignment Kiosk|image=|num=1066}}

You head to the Employee Assignment Kiosk and approach the computer inside. Two jobs are posted for today in the Dinsey corporation's automated staff management system:

<center>'''Available Assignments:'''</center>

{| cellspacing="10" cellpadding="10" align="center"
|-
| width="250" valign="top" style="border: 1px solid black;" | <center>'''Racism Reduction'''</center>

Guests are becoming increasingly uneasy due to the old-timey racism present in Uncle Gator's Country Fun-Time Liquid Waste Sluice.  Employees needed to update the more offensive elements of the ride.

{{button|Accept Assignment}}
The screen flashes "Assignment accepted, Employee #DL-<playernum>."

The screen then lists a bunch of ideas for making the ride less racist, but the ideas are all themselves so racist that you decide to just use your own judgement.
| width="250" valign="top" style="border: 1px solid black;" | <center>'''Waterway Debris Removal'''</center>

The water channels used by the Pirates of the Garbage Barges ride are predictably filled with garbage.  Employees are needed to reduce the garbage load.

{{button|Accept Assignment}}
You press the button to accept the assignment.

A hatch opens beneath the screen and a key falls out. You use the key to open a nearby locker and grab a net for fishing trash out of the water.
{{acquire|item=trash net}}
|}

{| cellspacing="10" cellpadding="10" align="center"
|-
| width="250" valign="top" style="border: 1px solid black;" | <center>'''Compulsory Fun'''</center>

Guests have been heard describing the Toxic Teacups ride as 'boring' and 'the opposite of fun'. Employees needed to have highly-visible, exaggerated fun while on the ride.

{{button|Accept Assignment}}

The screen flashes "Assignment accepted, Employee #DL-<playernum>."

A hatch opens beneath the screen and a fraying animal mask plops out onto the dirty ground.
{{acquire|item=Dinsey mascot mask}}

| width="250" valign="top" style="border: 1px solid black;" | <center>'''Bear Removal'''</center>

An invasive species of nasty bears has gained a foothold in Uncle Gator's Country Fun-Time Liquid Waste Sluice. Employees are needed to thin their numbers.

{{button|Accept Assignment}}

You press the button to accept the assignment.The screen displays an anatomical diagram of a nasty bear. You memorize the locations of all of glowing red weak points.
|-
| width="250" valign="top" style="border: 1px solid black;" | <center>'''Electrical Maintenance'''</center>


The on-site power plant is running low on radioactive material. Employees are needed to collect refined toxic sludge from the Toxic Teacups centrifuges.

{{button|Accept Assignment}}

You press the button to accept the assignment.The screen dims a little. They weren't kidding about the power, I guess.

| width="250" valign="top" style="border: 1px solid black;" | <center>'''Track Maintenance'''</center>


Proper function of the Barf Mountain rollercoaster / solid waste transport unit requires periodic re-greasing of the rails. The next scheduled re-greasing is overdue.

{{button|Accept Assignment}}

You press the button to accept the assignment.A hatch opens beneath the screen and a pair of weird shoes falls out.
{{acquire|item=lube-shoes}}
|-
| width="250" valign="top" style="border: 1px solid black;" | <center>'''Sexism Reduction'''</center>

Progressive news outlets have begun to decry instances of sexism in the Pirates of the Garbage Barges ride. Employees needed for emergency misogyny-reduction.

{{button|Accept Assignment}}
The screen flashes "Assignment accepted, Employee #DL-<id>."

The screen then lists all of the sexist aspects of the ride. The list is way too long to read, so you decide to just wing it.
| width="250" valign="top" style="border: 1px solid black;" | <center>'''Guest Sustenance Assurance'''</center>

Well-fed guests are happy guests! Deliver snacks to the patrons waiting in line for Barf Mountain.

{{button|Accept Assignment}}
The screen flashes "Assignment accepted, Employee #DL-<id>."

A hatch opens beneath the screen and a box of snacks issues forth.
{{acquire|item=complimentary Dinsey refreshments}}
|}

{{button|Leave}}
----
Occurs at [[Dinseylandfill]].

==Quest Progress==
===Racism Reduction===
*15 successful combats are required to reduce the racism at [[Uncle Gator's Country Fun-Time Liquid Waste Sluice]]. After each combat you receive messages drawn from:
**You reprogram the animatronic characters to not be afraid of ghosts.
**You repaint all the animatronic characters to make them more ethnically diverse. Also you switch the hats around a bit, which is fun.
**You add a blanket and some wax fruit, so it looks like the animatronic field workers are having a nice picnic.
**You add some cantaloupe and honeydew to make the animatronic fruit salad a little more diverse.
**You swap out an animatronic banjo for a sweet electric guitar.
**You repaint some manacles to make them look like colorful, unwieldy bracelets.
**You adjust the voiceboxes on some animatronic birds to tone down their offensive accents a little bit.
**You repaint an animatronic guy with a whip, so that it looks like he's offering to share his licorice. Kind of aggressively, but still...
**You repaint a scene of a man being forced to sit in the back of the bus so that it looks like he's being seated in the back of a limousine.
*The last combat message:
**You look over the ride and conclude that it's probably not unacceptably racist anymore. You should head back to that '''kiosk''' and collect your pay.
*Quest tracker messages change between:
**Double Ultra-Racist &#8594; Ultra-Racist &#8594; Hyper-Racist &#8594; Insanely Racist &#8594; Crazy Racist &#8594; Unacceptably Racist &#8594; Still Unacceptably Racist &#8594; 52% Racist &#8594; Moderately Racist &#8594; Pretty Racist &#8594; Definitely Still Too Racist &#8594; Still Uncomfortably Racist &#8594; Cute Grandma-Level Racist &#8594; Just a Little Bit Racist &#8594; Almost Not Racist &#8594; Return to the '''Kiosk''' to collect your wages.
*Upon completion:
:The screen flashes "Performance Review: Fair" and some money slides out of a slot beneath it.
:{{acquire|item=FunFunds™|num=3}}

===Sexism Reduction===
*15 successful combats are required to reduce the sexism in [[Pirates of the Garbage Barges]]. After each combat you receive messages drawn from:
**You adjust the outfits on some animatronic ladies to be less titillating.
**You convert a few of the pirates' lewd gestures into friendly thumbs-ups and high-fives.
**You see some graffiti reading "For a good time call Trixie", and add "she is an excellent conversationalist" beneath it.
**You see an animatronic pirate smacking an animatronic tavern wen-- uh, hostess -- on the rear, and alter it so that it looks like he's giving her a 20% tip instead.
**You reprogram some of the pirates' dialogue routines, to remove a bunch of racy "walkin' the plank" jokes.
**You deflate a few of the more unrealistically bosomy animatronic ladies.
**You replace the pirate tavern's glass ceiling with a regular one.
**You find a display where an animatronic pirate is chasing an animatronic lady around a table, and alter the gearing so they switch who is chasing who every few minutes.
**You alter the outfits and hair on a bunch of the animatronic pirates to adjust the dude-pirate-to-lady-pirate ratio closer to 50/50.
**You vandalize a sign reading "WENCHES FOR SALE" to read "WRENCHES FOR SALE."
**You adjust an animatronic captain's ledger so that the lady pirates get paid the same as the dude pirates.
*The last combat message:
**You look over the ride and conclude that it's probably not embarrassingly sexist anymore. You should head back to that '''kiosk''' and collect your pay.
*Quest tracker messages change between:
**Cringe-Inducingly Sexist &#8594; Horrifyingly Sexist &#8594; Extremely Sexist &#8594; Way Too Sexist &#8594; Still Way Too Sexist &#8594; Terribly Sexist &#8594; 48% Too Sexist &#8594; Awfully Sexist &#8594; Pretty Sexist &#8594; Still Pretty Sexist &#8594; Relatively Sexist &#8594; Only Kinda  Sexist &#8594; Barely Sexist &#8594; Nearly Not Sexist &#8594; Return to the '''Kiosk''' to collect your wages.
*Upon completion:
:The screen flashes "Performance Review: Acceptable" and some money slides out of a slot beneath it.
:{{acquire|item=FunFunds™|num=3}}

===Waterway Debris Removal===
*20 successful combats are required to unclog the [[Pirates of the Garbage Barges]] ride. After each combat (with the [[trash net]] equipped) you receive the message:
**You fish one of the larger chunks of garbage out of the waterway and toss it into the barge behind you.
**There's still quite a bit of trash floating in the water, but at least the barges aren't getting hung up on it anymore. You should head back to that '''kiosk''' and collect your pay.
*Upon completion:
:The screen flashes "Performance Review: Sufficient" and some money slides out of a slot beneath it.
:{{acquire|item=FunFunds™|num=3}}

===Compulsory Fun===
*15 successful combats are required to induce fun at [[The Toxic Teacups]]. After each combat (with the [[Dinsey mascot mask|mask]] equipped) you receive the message:
**You make sure to stumble past some park guests and pretend to be having a good time.
*Quest tracker messages change between:
**Apparent Fun: Super Duper Boring &#8594; Super Boring &#8594; Crazy Boring &#8594; Boooooooring &#8594; Boring &#8594; Still Boring &#8594; Maybe Halfway Fun &#8594; Fun, Like, For Kids &#8594; Potentially Fun &#8594; Possibly Fun &#8594; Might Be Fun &#8594; Could Definitely Be Fun &#8594; Probably Fun &#8594; Almost Definitely Fun &#8594; Return to the '''Kiosk''' to collect your wages.
*Upon completion:
:The screen flashes "Performance Review: Tolerable" and some money slides out of a slot beneath it.
:{{acquire|item=FunFunds™|num=3}}

===Track Maintenance===
*All you have to do for this quest is have the [[lube-shoes]] equipped once when you choose '''Let's Ride''' at [[Barf Mountain]] in the [[This Ride Is Like... A Rollercoaster Baby Baby]] choice adventure. The second choice, which doesn't use a turn but makes the adventure come back the next adventure here, is ideally suited to equip the shoes.
*Upon completion:
:The screen flashes "Performance Review: Average" and some money slides out of a slot beneath it.
:{{acquire|item=FunFunds™|num=3}}

===Electrical Maintenance===
*To complete this quest, you simply have to turn in 20 [[toxic globule|toxic globules]], which come from [[toxic beastie|toxic beasties]] in [[The Toxic Teacups]]. Note that they are tradeable and you can buy them in the mall.
*Upon completion:
:The screen flashes "Performance Review: Unobjectionable" and some money slides out of a slot beneath it.
:{{acquire|item=FunFunds™|num=3}}

===Bear Removal===
*Defeat 8 [[nasty bear]]s at [[Uncle Gator's Country Fun-Time Liquid Waste Sluice]]. 
**Olfaction-like queue manipulation effects such as [[odor extractor]]s or [[Transcendent Olfaction]] can help speed this up. However, [[banish]]ers do not work on the other monsters in this zone.
*Upon completion:
:The screen flashes "Performance Review: Bearable" and some money slides out of a slot beneath it.
:{{acquire|item=FunFunds™|num=3}}

===Guest Sustenance Assurance===
*Feed 30 tourists (or just anybody at [[Barf Mountain]]) by using the [[Complimentary Dinsey refreshments|Complimentary Dinsey refreshments basket]] in combat. Doing so will end the combat without stats, meat, items, or anything other than progress. However, you can placate 1-4 tourists per use, so this does not necessarily take 30 turns.
*Upon completion:
:The screen flashes "Performance Review: Adequate" and some money slides out of a slot beneath it.
:{{acquire|item=FunFunds™|num=3}}