Duncan Drisorderly, the Disco Bandit

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Duncan Drisorderly, the Disco Bandit

Duncan Drisorderly, the Disco Bandit is located in The Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts after you complete the first challenge.

  • As Disco Bandit:
    • On initial visit:
      "You the new Disco Bandit? Nice to see a new face around. I'm Duncan Drisorderly, the top Disco Bandit in the Department. There's not much happening right now, but check back later and maybe I'll have something for you to do."
    • On subsequent visits:
      "Sorry, <Player Name>, but there's not much going on at the moment. Try back later."
    • Once your mainstat reaches 12, you are asked to complete the Legendary Epic Weapon Quest.
  • As Accordion Thief:
    • On initial visit:
      The Disco Bandit looks you up and down, and sniggers a little. "Are you the new Accordion Thief? I guess Shifty's letting in just about anyone these days. I'm Duncan Drisorderly, the top Disco Bandit in the Department -- or anywhere else, for that matter. Now get out of my face, you're bugging me."
    • On subsequent visits after The Wizard of Ego is complete:
      Duncan Drisorderly sneers at you. "Beat it, kid. I'm working on important Disco Bandit stuff, here."

The Wizard of Ego

(For Accordion Thieves only.)

  • On initial visit:
    "Duncan Drisorderly waves you over. "Hey, you with the face, c'mere. Listen, you're looking for a way to prove yourself in the Brotherhood, right? Course you are. So listen up, I've got a job for you.
    There used to be this wizard named Fernswarthy, see? Lived in a stone tower out on the Nearby Plains. He was pretty powerful, too, until he went and blew hisself up a few years ago. Well, see, we figure there's got to be some good loot in what's left of that tower, only none of us have been able to pick the lock on the gate. Some kind of magic seal, we figure.
    So, your job is to go to the Misspelled Cemetary in the Plains, find Fernswarthy's grave, and get the key to his tower. Hey, somebody's got to do the dirty work, right? You already know where the Cemetary is, right? Good luck, pal, you'll need it."
  • On subsequent visits:
    Duncan Drisorderly frowns at you. "You haven't got Fernswarthy's key -- I know because I checked your pockets just now. Look, don't waste my time. Either get me that key, or get lost."
  • With Fernswarthy's key:
    Duncan Drisorderly grins and takes Fernswarthy's key from you. "Nice one, <Player Name>. Maybe you're not as useless as you look. I'll have one of our more experienced agents check out the tower. I'm feeling generous, so here's some meat. Now, beat it."
Meat.gifYou gain 500 Meat.
  • After returning the key, with at least 18 Moxie:
    "Oh, hey, c'mere. I got another job for you. Remember that key I had you go get? Well, it turns out everyone else is too busy to check out the tower. Go figure, huh? So, it looks like it's up to you again. Here's the key, and I'll mark the location of the tower on your map. Go sneak in, and see if you can find Fernswarthy's loot in the wreckage."
    "Oh, and a word of warning -- if you were maybe thinking of keeping all the good stuff for yourself, you might wanna ask Frankie We-Cut-All-His-Fingers-Off how we feel about that sort of thing."
Fernkey.gifYou acquire an item: Fernswarthy's key
  • On subsequent visits:
    "Hey. I know you haven't finished searching the tower yet, and I know you're not gonna bug me until you're done. So, me seeing you here, it must be some kinda hallucination, right? Right."
  • The visit with dusty old book:
    Duncan Drisorderly sniffs disdainfully when you show the old book you found. "Feh, that's just an old copy of the Manual of Dexterity, we've got those things coming out our ears. You telling me that's all you found in the ruins? Man, what a waste of time. G'wan, scram, I've got other fish to fry."
Book3.gifYou acquire an item: Manual of Dexterity

Nemesis Quest

(For Disco Bandits only.)

  • After encountering a hit man:
    "[player], buddy, good to see you've still got your head attached. There's some pretty sketchy people looking for you, and believe me, I know from sketchy."
    "Yeah, I had a run-in with some of them," you mutter darkly. "It looks like there's a price on my head."
    "Yep, that's what we're hearing. No dice on trying to find his hideout yet, either. You might wanna lie low till the heat's off. 'Course, that could be a pretty long time."
    "Yeah, thanks."
  • If you defeated the first form of the Demon of the New Wave, but haven't yet defeated the final form:
    "Hey, [player], good to see ya. Nice pants."
    "Thanks. I suppose you're going to tell me that's not the artifact you're looking for?"
    "Yeah, no. Not at all."
    "Fine," you sigh. "I'll be back later."
    "Okay, see ya around. Remember, time is of the..."
    "Essence, yeah yeah. I got it."


  • "Duncan Drisorderly" is a play on the phrase "drunk and disorderly".
  • "Duncan Drisorderly" is a reference to the band "Drunk & Disorderly". The band played KoL Con 3 and are friends of Jick and Skully.
  • The "Frankie We-Cut-All-His-Fingers-Off" quip is a reference to the movie Snatch, which features a thief named Frankie Four-Fingers who had one of his fingers chopped off for what eventually led to his downfall: gambling and greed.