Doctor Oh, the Junksprite Boss

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Doctor Oh, the Junksprite Boss
Monster ID 1439
Locations The Old Landfill: Once More Unto the Junk
Hit Points 60
Attack 40
Defense 40
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum humanoid
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, leg, head, torso, wing
eternal car battery
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Doctor Oh, the Junksprite Boss You're fighting Doctor Oh, the Junksprite Boss

You grab a mallet and whack the hubcap. A junksprite comes running into the room to see who made the noise. He's dressed a little differently than the other sprites you've seen; he's got goggles and a bright red cape, and his entire torso is wrapped in gleaming bronze chain. "Who made a wondrous discovery?" he says, excited. "Who gets to add another link to the chain?"

You shrug your shoulders. "Oh, I beg your pardon," he says, "you're new here. I'm Doctor Oh, the lead brain in the junksprite makerspace, and every time someone comes up with a truly creative and original idea, that junksprite gets to bang the gong. I take the plans for the idea and inscribe them on one of these links, so everyone can use them."

"What if the junksprite wants to keep the idea to his or herself, to maybe make a profit off of it?" you ask.

"Well, then I hit them with the chain until they see reason," Doctor Oh replies. "Knowledge functions best when it is freely shared without regard to personal profit."

"So you're saying information wants to be free?" you ask.

"Information doesn't want anything! It can't think! But I'm beginning to think you want a beatdown," he says, unwinding his chain. Looks like he's got some wondrous links to show you, and won't stop until you've felt them all.


You turn on the hot water to wash your hands, and it emits that high-pitched whine of ancient plumbing under stress. You quickly turn it off, but not before you hear someone shout, "dangit, I said we were 3D-printing a new hot water valve from open-source plans under a Commonly Creative license, and for nobody to use the hot water until it was done!"

Then the shouter runs into the room, scowling. He's got a little more flair than the other junksprites you've seen; he's wearing goggles and a bright red cape, and he's got a long chain wrapped around his body. "What the--hey, you're not a junksprite! Welcome to our hackspace! I'm Doctor Oh, the--well, we don't have a hierarchy around here, but I guess you could say I'm in charge. We have wonderful things to show you!" He holds up part of the chain. "Each of these links is a wonder in its own right, and together they're a masterpiece of freely-shared knowledge."

"Sounds great," you say, "but I really don't have time to look at a bunch of links, no matter how enlightening."

"Well," Doctor Oh replies, "it's up to you, I guess. You're just as free to leave as I am free to beat you up for trying to leave. Isn't that wondrous?"


You turn up the television, filling the room with sound the color of a television tuned to a dead channel. A voice shouts from the hallway, "dangit, who unhooked the open-sourced Commonly Creative antenna we 3D-printed?" The shouter strides into the room and you see it's a junksprite, but a slightly more dapper one than the others. He's wearing a pair of goggles and a red cape, and his knuckles are wrapped with gleaming bronze chain.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were one of my fellow junksprites," he says, and extends a hand. "I'm Doctor Oh: a maker, a dreamer, and a lifehacker. Do you like my chain? Each link has wondrous things to show you."

You study a link on the chain. "Hey, isn't there a copyright on some of those pictograms? Did you steal them?"

"PIRACY ISN'T THEFT!" he shouts, suddenly furious. "For example, if I punch you hard enough to imprint these pictures on your forehead, I still have the original chain. Do you see the difference? I suppose I'll have to demonstrate it to you."

Hit Message(s):

He 3D-prints an open-source club, then smacks you with it. Ouch!

He fires three open-sourced arrows at you. The first two miss, but the last one hits and sticks to you, thanks to the tarball on the end. Ooh!

He pulls out a socket wrench and wrenches your arm out of your socket with it. Oof!

He punches you with a chain-wrapped fist. Your mind boggles at the sheer volume of the links that hit you. Ouch!

He pulls out a wondrous machine made of a car battery and two alligator clamps, and shocks the crap out of you with it. Argh!

He whips you with the chain. At least it's not made out of scorpions, right? Eh, strike that, scorpions probably would hurt less. Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

He pulls a contraption off of the workbench. It's got a chainsaw blade welded onto a unicycle, with lights and speakers. "I don't know what this is supposed to be," he says, "but I'm betting it will hurt when I hit you with it." He's not wrong. Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

He 3D-prints an open-source club, but it shatters when he smacks you with it. Must be a flaw in the design.

He fires three open-sourced arrows at you. They all miss. He quickly writes down some modifications to the design on one of his links.

He tries to hit you with a socket wrench, but it's imperial and you're metric.

He tries to punch you with a chain-wrapped fist, but you decline to follow any of the links.

He tries to shock you with a car battery and some alligator clamps, but it doesn't work. Maybe he read the Instructable wrong.

He tries to whip you with his chain, but you dodge every link. Each link that misses you turns purple, for some reason.

Fumble Message:

He notices that the 3D-printer has gone offline, and stops to write a new set of drivers for it, and then document what he's done so his work can be duplicated. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Junkbattery.gifYou acquire an item: eternal car battery

Occurs at The Old Landfill.


  • Once you have made noise twice, this fight starts by choosing the third noise adventure Once More Unto the Junk. The introductory text varies depending on which choice triggered the battle.
  • As of PvP Season 19, he is considered a boss.


  • His name, description, and dialogue are references to the celebrity blogger and copyright activist Cory Doctorow.
  • His appearance is a reference to xkcd #239.
  • "Television, tuned to a dead channel" is the colour of the sky over Chiba in the opening line of the novel Neuromancer by William Gibson.