|Locations||A Battlefield (in Dyspepsi-Cola Uniform)|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
You encounter a Cloaca-Cola Footsoldier dressed in full Cloaca-Cola regalia. He waves a long pikestaff at you and shouts, "Cloaca-Cola is the real thing!"
"What's Dyspepsi, then?" you ask.
"Umm... a fake... thing! That's right!"
"But wait... if things go better with Cloaca-Cola, wouldn't..." you want to keep arguing, but he's getting pretty close to your vitals with his pikestaff.
He pounds you in the <groin> with his pikestaff. You're piqued. Ouch! Eek!
He kicks you in the <groin> with his heavily armored boots. Eek! Ow!
He waves his pikestaff at you, and, unfortunately, you catch the wave right in your <knee>. Oof! Argh!
He starts to attack you, but you start singing off-key. Since it is every Cloaca-Cola soldier's duty to teach the Kingdom to sing in perfect harmony, he stops to give you voice lessons.
He tries to kick you, but the sugar rush wears off and he falls asleep.
He starts to pound you with his pikestaff, but gets a migraine from caffeine withdrawal.
The footsoldier runs up to you, but you quickly pull out a picture of his girlfriend (which you had in your pocket... for some reason...) and he stops in his tracks, misty-eyed. What a sissy. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: Cloaca-Cola (21.1% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Cloaca-Cola (10.5% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Cloaca grenade (4.6% chance)*|
|You gain 7-8 <substat>.|
- One of Coca-Cola's advertising campaigns used the slogan "it's the real thing," and another one used "things go better with Coke."
- One of the successful attacks references the New Coke slogan "catch the wave".
- Coca-Cola's famous 1971 advertising song, "I'd Like To Buy The World A Coke," contained the lyrics "I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony".