Amatearrr Night
As you're walking down the pirate pier, you see a big sign on one of the ramshackle shacks that says "Amatearr Comedy Night." You go in and find a smokey little club full of smokey (and some little) pirates.
"Hey there, ye swab," the M.C. says. "Why don't ye take the stage and tell us some foine pirate jokes?"
You step up on stage and survey the crowd. You see very few smiles and quite a few swords, scimitars, and daggers lying on tables. Better bring out your best material, ye land lubber. Which joke should you tell?
| What's orange and sounds like a parrot? |
"What's orange and sounds like a parrot?" You say, waiting for someone to say, "I don't know, what?" You hear crickets chirp and a couple of pins drop. "A carrot!" you say.
The audience boos and various rotten pieces of produce, spare peglegs, and other detritus begins to litter the stage. A stuffed parrot smacks you in the forehead. You grab the parrot and beat feet.
 | You lose 3 hit points. |
 | You acquire an item: stuffed shoulder parrot |
| So a pirate walks into a bar... |
"So a pirate walks into a bar," you say. "And he's got a steering wheel sticking out of his swashbuckling pants!" You chuckle to yourself and continue. "The bartender says, 'Hey, what's up with that thing? Doesn't it bother you?' And the pirate says, 'Yarrr, it's drivin' me nuts!'"
The pirates erupt with laughter, filling the room with harrr harrr harrrs. You continue to tell all the pirate jokes you know, and when you leave the stage your tip jar is full of meat.
 | You gain 100 Meat. |
| What's gold and sounds like a pirate? |
"So, it's a great night tonight, you're a wonderful audience," you say. "Anyone here from out of town?"
"Avast ye, land lubber, we're pirates! We're all from out of town!"
One sassy pirate says. "Now get to the jokes!"
"Okay, okay. So... what's gold and sounds like a pirate?" you say. "Pyrite!"
Crickets chirp. Somewhere in the distance, a dog howls. One particularly big, ugly, scarred, and maimed pirate slowly rises from his seat. All eyes in the room (some in pairs, some single) focus on him.
"That is," he says, "without a doubt the single most... true thing I've ever heard!" He turns to the rest of the audience. "Don't ye see? Pyrite does have a bright golden color to it, and it surely does sound like the word 'pirate.'"
He takes off his eyepatch and tosses it to you. "This day, land lubber, I hereby dub ye an honorary pirate. Wear the patch with pride, matey. Er, ye might want to wash it off, first."
 | You acquire an item: eyepatch |
Occurs at The Obligatory Pirate's Cove.
References
- The "carrot" and "pyrite" jokes come from old asymmetric.net posts.
|
The Obligatory Pirate's Cove Choice Adventures | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Amatearrr Night | Barrie Me at Sea | The Arrrbitrator | ||||||
| What's orange and sounds like a parrot? | stuffed shoulder parrot | Help Sammy Skillet | stuffed shoulder parrot | Vote for Jack Robinson | eyepatch | |||
| So a pirate walks into a bar... | 100 Meat | Help Captain Ladle | swashbuckling pants | Vote for Sergeant Hook | swashbuckling pants | |||
| What's gold and sounds like a pirate? | eyepatch | Help the crocodile | 100 Meat | Vote for the Dread Pirate Bob | 100 Meat | |||
