A River Runs Through It (Speed Limit)
You stagger around drunkenly, trying desperately to work up enough spit to swallow, or perhaps throw up. It could go either way at this point. Your tongue feels like a strip of leather glued to the roof of your mouth. You're really, really thirsty, is what I'm getting at, here.
You see, with great relief, a night-darkened river running through the field ahead of you. It seems to have a series of little yellow rectangular flowers floating down the middle of it, but you can't be too sure, since your vision keeps doubling. You stagger down to the river, intent on drinking your fill.
You kneel down in front of the river, which still looks pitch black, even up close. As you bend to drink, you see an ominous figure watching you just a little way up the river's bank. He looks to be really, really skinny, and man -- you've heard of a "square jaw" before, but this guy's ridiculous. His head's almost perfectly rectangular.
"Hey," you say, forcing the words out of your dry mouth. "Hey, I'm trying to drink here. What are you looking at?" The figure doesn't reply. You get closer and see that the 'guy' is actually a sign on a post. That makes way more sense! You stagger closer. It seems to say, "PEE LIMIT S.S." Well, now! Isn't it just like those Secret Soldiers to tell you where you can and can't use the bathroom!
You decide to knock over the sign to show just how much disdain you have for people trying to limit your pee. You grab the sign post and start rocking it back and forth, back and forth, back and . . . whoops . . .
You slip and land flat on your back. You look up at the sign, willing it to fall over. Then, as it starts to fall, you frantically will it to fall THE OTHER WAY. The last thing you hear before blessed unconsciousness washes over you is a resounding CLAAANG!.
- Players who encountered this adventure during SSPD XXIV woke up the next day with a speed limit shield in their possession.
- The title of this adventure references a 1992 film directed by Robert Redford.