"Dakota" Fanning

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Deep in the darker, denser, jungleyer parts of the Distant Woods, you encounter a man dressed in the typical khaki + fedora garb of the professional archaeologist. He turns as you approach, and gestures for you to come closer.

"Hey there," he says, with a firm handshake. "Dr. Henry Fanning, Phd. Call me 'Dakota'."

"Okay, if you're sure that's what you want," you reply. "You're an archaeologist, I presume?"

"That's right, kid. And I'm on the brink of a major discovery."

You look around, but don't see anything of obvious archaeological interest. Just a sheer stone cliff, covered with vines and moss. "Uh," you say, "I suppose it's a nice cliff, as cliffs go, but..."

"Look up, kid," Dakota sighs.

You take a couple steps back and crane your neck, and see that the cliff is actually the base of an ancient stone building -- possibly some kind of temple? There are stone steps at the top of the platform, but they end abruptly at the cliff edge.

Dakota nods as you look back at him. "Yeah, I figure the steps were lost through a combination of erosion, earthquakes, and later civilizations quarrying the stone. Later civilizations are always greedy bastards. Listen, I need a hand getting up there. I'm a decent climber, but this wall is far too sheer to just monkey up it."

"What do you expect me to do?" you ask. "I mean, I could give you a boost, but..."

"You're an adventurer, right? So your job is basically to run errands for people?"

"Excuse me, but we call them 'quests'," you reply huffily, crossing your arms.

"Sure, right. So I've got a 'quest' for you. See all the vines growing on the rock? I could climb up with those, but they need strengthening. So I need you to pick up a couple things for me."

"All right, I suppose. What do you need?"

"First, I need a bendy soda straw. I think there's a sort of demon, a Fallen Archfiend, that carries them."

"What does a demon want with a bendy straw?" you ask.

"Look, kid, ask one yourself. I'm not a demonologist. I also need some very powerful, high-octane plant food. The sort they use in magical greenhouses and conservatories."

"Okay," you say, "I think I know a conservatory that might have some of that."

"And lastly I need a sewing needle."

"A sewing needle? All right. Where do I find one of those?"

"Good grief, do I have to tell you everything? You're the adventurer, kid, go adventure one up. A sewing kit or something should be pretty standard gear for you guys, I would think. They probably sell them in vending machines! Anyway, I'll wait here until you get back."

Subsequent visits without items:

You return to where Dr. Henry "Dakota" Fanning is sitting on a log, doodling in his notebook. He looks up as you approach. "Ah, good, you're back," he says. "Did you bring the stuff I asked for?"

You check your sack. "Nope. I just came back to say hey."

Returning with a pellet of plant food, a heavy-duty bendy straw, and a sewing kit:

Gear in hand, you go back to see Fanning.

He rubs his hands together excitedly. "Good," he says, "that's everything."

He rolls the pellet of plant food between his fingers, stretching it out slightly, and pushes the needle through it, then stuffs them into the end of the bendy straw. He puts the straw in his mouth, and carefully aims at the top of the cliff with one eye squeezed shut. Then he makes a slight adjustment to the straw's bend, and aims again.

With a sharp puff of air, he fires the makeshift blowdart at the top of the cliff, where it hits a cluster of small vines. The vines immediately swell and thicken, lengthening until they reach the ground.

"Thanks, kid!" Dakota says as he jumps up and starts climbing the vines hand-over-hand. "You're a real peach!"

"Hey!" you protest. "What about payment?"

"I'll give you your own footnote in my article for the Loathing Journal of Archaeology," he calls down, then disappears over the top of the cliff.

"I never told you my name!" you shout back, but he's already gone. Grumbling, you make a note of the temple's location on your map. What a jerk. You hope he gets killed by pygmies or something.

Occurs at The Distant Woods.


Initial appearance:

Dakota guy yelling.gif

After talking with Dakota:

Dakota guy.gif

  • After returning with all 3 items, his spot on the map is replaced by The Hidden Temple.
  • If you have more than one sewing kit in your inventory, he will take them all.