Zombie Homeowners' Association
|Zombie Homeowners' Association|
|Hit Points||15000 or more|
|Attack||700 or more|
|Defense||700 or more|
|Initiative||200 or more|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
You step into the large central chamber of city hall. You peer into the darkness, and in that darkness a pair of eyes opens. Then, near it, another pair. And another, and another, until your own eyes finally adjust to the light and you see an abominable heap of well-dressed zombies, all connected by various bits of their anatomy to all of the others.
The largest one, the one at the top of the heap, begins to moan, the sound thick and wet.
"Don't... you mean... brains?" you reply.
"Weeds." she continues. "No more than... Niiiiiine inches. 90 contiguous squaaaaare feet. Fiiiiiiire hazard."
Great. Just what you need. A bunch of petty bureaucrats led by a nosy chairwoman.
One of the zombies hits you in the head with a rusty lawn ornament that was confiscated from its owner for being too racy. Argh! Ow! Argh! (sleaze damage)
One of the zombies beats you with a pair of confiscated pink flamingoes. Being plastic, they aren't very heavy, but they are pointy. Ugh! Ooh! Eek!
"Currrrrtaaaaiiins! Yoooouuu!" one of the zombies moans at you. "Are... are you trying to say 'It's curtains for you'?" you ask. "Nooo! Your winnndooows baaad! Get new currrrtaaaaiiinss!" Then it bites you. Eek! Ouch! Argh!
One of the zombies hits you with part of a swingset. "Too taaaaaall. Tooooo taaaaalllll." he says. "'It's not even my swingset!" you counter, to no avail. Oof! Ooh! Ooh!
The zombie lady on top of the heap tries to yell at you about something you've done wrong, but all that comes out is a geyser of foul-smelling fluid, which is way, way worse than a lecture about civic responsibility. Eek! Ouch! Ouch! (stench damage)
One of the zombies slices open your thigh with a rusty lawnmower blade. "Graaarh," he says. "Was that so hard?" Ugh! Ugh! Oof!
Two of the zombies grab your wrists, and two more grab your ankles. It's come down to this -- being drawn and quartered by bureaucrats. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ouch! Ugh! Argh!
The heap tries to attack you, but gets distracted by a report about a flowerbed overlapping a sidewalk by half an inch somewhere in the village.
"Look!" you shout, pointing behind the zombies. "An unregistered yard sale!" They turn around, howling and gnashing their teeth.
The zombies seem to want to attack you, but it takes them some time to sort out the necessary paperwork.
The zombie lady on top of the heap demands that you mow your lawn, but you defiantly refuse. Way to go, Rosa Parks.
The zombie lady at the top of the heap yells at the lower zombies to move toward you, but they misunderstand and move sideways, instead.
The heap lurches toward you, but you distract it by pointing to a cluster of weeds growing through a crack in the floor.
The zombies try to figure out the best way to attack you, but end up spending an hour arguing about procedural details and don't manage to accomplish anything. (FUMBLE!)
The chairwoman grabs some parts from the zombies that surround her and rebuilds her body.
|An item drops: zombie mariachi hat|
|An item drops: zombie accordion|
|An item drops: zombie mariachi pants|
|An item drops: 0-3 wriggling severed nose|
|You acquire a clan trophy:||Self-Righteous Rib|
|You gain ??? <substat>.|
- This monster cannot be copied.
- Use group damage skills, or clusterbombs, or Drunkula's bell to defeat it.
- Any damage source that doesn't improve against group monsters will cause the ZHA to fully heal itself. Therefore you will want to remove all passive/retaliatory damage sources (such as Jabañero Saucesphere or Skeletal Wizard), and don't use a familiar which attacks (or a plastic pumpkin bucket or moveable feast).
- Group damage must only come from the player, which means that even though the tiny bowler deals group damage, the ZHA will still heal when hit by your familiar.
- At 1 kiss, has a hard damage cap of 3121.
- Stats at 5 kisses: 1500 attack, 1500 defense, 19000 HP, +400% init.
- The number of wriggling severed noses depends on the total number of kisses across all zones of the Dreadsylvania instance at the time the boss is killed. Exact formula needs spading.
- Jick's adventures with his local homeowner's association and their complaints about contiguous square inches of weeds are chronicled in an episode of the KoL Podcast.