You'll Sink His Battleship

From TheKolWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Hammockbrogre.gif This content has been retired and is no longer available in game.

You'll Sink His Battleship
You'll Sink His Battleship

Corman has moved a massive battleship into position over Valhalla -- you've seen a lot of things bristling with a lot of other things, but you've never seen anything as bristling with anything as this thing is bristling with cannons.

As you get closer, you see a good number of other Adventurers locked in combat with hundreds of skeletons on the deck of the ship.

What are your orders, sir? I mean... ma'am? I mean... What are your orders, Comrade?

Try to take out some cannons

You hold tightly to <yetiname> and head toward the largest concentration of cannons. You circle for a while, waiting for the right moment, then dive directly between two of the biggest ones.

The skeleton crew (ha ha) takes the bait, and both cannons fire at you just as you pass directly between them. Bones and smoke go flying.

in possibly the wrong order:
with Lunging Thrust-Smack and a club

Several of the other cannons begin firing at you, but you deftly Lunging Thrust Smack[sic] 8-14 of the shells back into the skeletons manning (skeletonning?) the cannons.

with Shieldbutt and a shield?

You swing alongside the ship, and the belowdecks guns start bellowing as they try to blow you away. With a few well-timed Shieldbutts, you manage to deflect 10 of the projectiles back at the ship, sending hapless cannoneers flying.

with Cannelloni Cannon (and?)

Struck with a sudden insight, you decide to fight fire with fire, and battleship cannons with Canneloni [sic] Cannons. You conjure {3,4} of them and fire them willy-nilly into the masses of skeletons.

with Elemental Saucesphere (skill) (and?)

You quickly conjure Elemental Saucespheres around some of the hurtling shells, redirecting them back into the deck of the ship and knocking out {3,5,6,12} additional skeletons.

with Disco Dance of Doom, Disco Dance II: Electric Boogaloo, and Disco Face Stab

You decide to take a quick victory lap around the ship, but get dismounted from by a stray shell. Enraged, you Disco Dance up out the joint, throwing in a little bit of Boogaloo and a whole lot of Face Stabbing for good measure. By the time <yetiname> picks you back up, you've taken out {15} additional skeletons, and damned if you didn't look good doin' it.

Skeldoll.gif You defeated X skeletons

Pshew. That was satisfying, but it was physically and mentally taxing.

HPYou lose X hit points.
MPYou lose X Mana Points.
Join the fight on the deck

Swooping low over the deck of the battleship, you see a rag-tag crew of fellow adventurers fighting the skeleton soldiers. You land and leap from <yetiname>'s back, intending to sing a rousing battle-song to inspire your teammates to victory.

Unfortunately, as you reach for your accordion, you realize that you aren't actually holding an accordion. You wave your hands in the air and shout "Woooo! Go adventurers! You can do it! Gimme an F! Gimme an I! Gimme a G!…" but your voice trails off as you realize that nobody can actually hear you over the sounds of combat. Grumbling, you get back on your yeti and look for something useful to do.

  • with an accordion equipped and no songs

You strap on your accordion and try to think of something inspiring to play, but all you can think of is "Roll Out the Barrel".

"Roll out the barrel, we'll have a barrel of fun! Roll out the barrel, we've got the, er, skeletons on the run!"

Not the most battle-appropriate song, but some nearby adventurers do seem to get the spirit, and a decent number of skeletons fall to their attacks, so on the whole that's pretty good.

  • with an accordion equipped and one song

You strap on your accordion and try to think of something inspiring to play, but only one appropriate tune comes to mind:

  • with an accordion equipped and two songs

You strap on your accordion, and a couple of inspiring songs come to mind, so you crank the volume and prepare to sing your heart out.

  • with an accordion equipped and at least three songs

You strap on your accordion, and belt out a rousing medley of inspirational fighting tunes:

Level/Location Song' Message Skeletons Killed
1 The Moxious Madrigal You dance a little soft-shoe as you play The Moxious Madrigal for the team of adventurers. They cheer and sing along to the classic tune as they dodge the attacks of the evil skeletons. 4-6
2 The Magical Mojomuscular Melody The adventurers whoop and cheer as The Magical Mojomuscular Melody fills the air, and they fight with renewed vigor, spells and special attacks filling the air as skeletons collapse to the ground. 4-6
3 Cletus's Canticle of Celerity You whip out a lightning-fast rendition of Cletus's Canticle of Celerity, and the images of the fighting adventurers visibly blur as they whirl around the battleground with advanced (even alarming) alacrity. 4-6
4 The Power Ballad of the Arrowsmith You belt out a rendition of The Power Ballad of the Arrowsmith that's full of sweet emotion, and the adventurers on the battlefield teach their foes what it's like to be dyin' on the edge of a sword. 4-6
5 The Polka of Plenty You dance a little jig as you sing the Polka of Plenty for the fighting adventurers, and they cheer and attack the skeletons with renewed vigor. If the skeletons had any meat on their bones, it would no longer be on their bones. If that makes any sense. 4-6
6 Jackasses' Symphony of Destruction The adventurers roar in fury as Jackasses' Symphony of Destruction washes over the battlefield. They slam into the skeletons, reducing many of them into tiny fragments, which the adventurers then jump up and down on. 9-11
7 Fat Leon's Phat Loot Lyric A cheer goes up from the assembled adventurers, and they sing along to the old favorite, Fat Leon's Phat Loot Lyric, as they smash the skeleton warriors. Bones scatter across the deck like uh, something that scatters. Mice? I'll go with mice. 9-11
8 Brawnee's Anthem of Absorption As the stately refrain of Brawnee's Anthem of Absorption echoes across the battlefield, the adventurers shrug off the blows of the attacking skeletons, and return their attacks with cheers of confidence. 9-11
9 The Psalm of Pointiness The solemn melody of the Psalm of Pointiness drifts across the battlefield, and the adventurers cheer as the skeletons begin to take more and more damage with every attack they make. 9-11
10 Stevedave's Shanty of Superiority You strut your stuff while playing Stevedave's Shanty of Superiority, and the adventurers applaud in response. They then proceed to show those filthy skeletons who they're dealing with. 9-11
11 Aloysius' Antiphon of Aptitude The adventurers' martial prowess visibly improves as you play Aloysius' Antiphon of Aptitude for them. The tide of battle quickly turns, and the adventurers mow down skeletons like stalks of wheat. Really bony wheat. 12-15
12 The Ode to Booze The adventurers cheer raucously as you play everybody's classic favorite, the Ode to Booze. Then they realize there isn't actually any booze around, and that makes them angry. What happens next makes the skeletons very very sad. 12-15
13 The Sonata of Sneakiness As you play the Sonata of Sneakiness, the adventurers quietly fade into the woodwork. Well, not woodwork, since the battleship isn't made of wood. Bonework, I guess. Anyway what I'm getting at is, the skeletons didn't even know what hit them. 12-15
14 Carlweather's Cantata of Confrontation Your accordion grinds out the discordant melody of Carlweather's Cantata of Confrontation, and the battle becomes… well, let's say 'more heated'. You think you saw one adventurer tearing a skeleton apart with his teeth. That can't be good for his teeth. 12-15
15 Ur-Kel's Aria of Annoyance You play Ur-Kel's Aria of Annoyance, which initially seems like maybe a bad idea, because the Adventurers probably don't need the skeletons to be hitting harder. (Also it's just a terrible song.) Fortunately, under these circumstances, it seems like the Adventurers are getting as much or more benefit as the skeletons, and a great smashing of bones results. 12-15
Spookyraven Dirge of Dreadfulness Turning your focus to the skeletons, you play the mournful melody of the Dirge of Dreadfulness. You weren't sure that the undead would be affected by its soul-crushing hopelessness, considering their lack of souls, but many of the skeletons become noticeably slower and the adventurers quickly put them out of their misery. 9-11
The Sea Donho's Bubbly Ballad As Donho's Bubbly Ballad washes over the assembled adventurers, they become much lighter on their feet -- practically dancing on air. They sweep over the skeleton invaders like a tidal wave, leaving splinters and fragments of bone in their wake. 15-20
Trader Inigo's Incantation of Inspiration The toe-tapping, thought-provoking melody of Inigo's Incantation of Inspiration soars across the battlefield, and the adventurers redouble their attacks with a surge of insight, striking their opponents in previously-overlooked weak points. It never even occurred to you that a skeleton would have any particular weak spot, but you can't argue with results. 9-11
Crimbo Cringle's Curative Carol The adventurers cheer as Cringle's Curative Carol heals their injuries and refreshes their spirits. They proceed to avenge their wounds on the skeletons threefold, and bones scatter across the deck of the battleship. 9-11
Hobopolis The Ballad of Richie Thingfinder As the jazzy strains of The Ballad of Richie Thingfinder wash over the band of adventurers, the tired warriors discover newfound reserves of energy. They beat back the skeletons with an enthusiastic roar, covering the deck of the battleship with splintered fragments of bone. 15-20
Hobopolis Benetton's Medley of Diversity The strains of Benetton's Medley of Diversity flow from your accordion as you squeeze the bellows, and the adventurers join together into a fighting squad that is far more than the sum of its disparate parts. Skeletons fall like an entire rainbow's worth of Skittles beneath the combined onslaught. 15-20
Hobopolis Elron's Explosive Etude You pull out all the stops -- literally; the ones on your accordion -- and bust out a high-powered rendition of Elron's Explosive Etude. The adventurers respond with a powerful roa, as well as a storm of fireballs and lightning bolts that turn large numbers of the assembled skeletons into disassembled skeletons, and ash. 15-20
Hobopolis Chorale of Companionship All of the adventurers join in, singing along with the chorus to the Chorale of Companionship and fighting off the skeletons back-to-back. The undead hordes fall back under the weight of the combined assault. Go team! 15-20
Hobopolis Prelude of Precision The staccato strains of the Prelude of Precision inspire the fighting adventurers, whose attacks begin to pierce the skeleton's defenses, striking weak points and dropping the undead minions like stringless marionettes. 15-20
Skeldoll.gif You defeated X skeletons

Wow. You really had the music in you, and that really took some of it out...

Madrigal.gifYou lose some of an effect: The Moxious Madrigal (5 Adventures)

Do it again

Back to the Invasion

Occurs at The Skies over Valhalla.


  • The first choice seems to add additional kills based on available skills.
    • Preliminary Lunging Thrust-Smack results: ceil(weapon_power/20) + 1d5
    • A stronger shield seems to increase the effectiveness of Shieldbutt.
    • Preliminary Elemental Saucesphere: floor(bonus_spell_damage/25) + 1d5. (Probably does not count Intrinsic Spiciness, doesn't count elemental spell damage).
  • The second choice depends on what songs you have on. You lose five or more turns of each song, even if you have less than five turns remaining.
    • Formula: 9-11 + (songs bonus)
    • Despite it saying that you lose five turns of it, it doesn't count the adventure being used as another turn of it gone - or shouldn't, though some songs may, from forum reports.
    • The second choice results in higher number of skeletons defeated when running with songs that cost more MPs to cast. Inigo's doesn't seem to be very effective, though.
    • You can take the second choice if you're not an Accordion Thief. However, Accordion Thieves can equip La Hebilla del Cinturón de Lopez, allowing them to stack more songs and so defeat more skeletons with this option.
    • If you had less than 5 turns of a song while taking the second choice, future turns spent will take more turns off those songs.


  • The sir/ma'am/comrade bumble refers to a COMPLETELY CALM forum discussion about Admiral Hagnk initially calling the player "son" without regard to actual in-game gender.
  • A skeleton crew is the minimum crew that you can have and still sail.
  • The adventure name comes from the game Battleship, and its tagline, "You sunk my battleship!"

See Also