Ye Olde Medieval Insult

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Ye Olde Medieval Insult
Ye Olde Medieval Insult

This is a little rectangle of thick parchment paper containing a cutting insult. Well, an insult that would be cutting if it hadn't been dulled by hundreds of years of irrelevance.

Type: combat item
Selling Price: 72 Meat.

15-20 Weakens enemies somewhat and briefly stuns them

(In-game plural: Ye Olde Medieval Insults)
View metadata
Item number: 6278
Description ID: 916721911
View in-game: view
View market statistics

Obtained From

The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Ground Floor)
Renaissance Giant

When Used

You read the insult out loud to your foe:

"Randomly constructed medieval insult"

It pauses for a moment, looking both enraged and confused.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by 15-20
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by 15-20


  • "An aging, brain-addled <animal> has more brains than thou, thou <jerk>!"
  • "I shall not waste words with thee, but merely observe thou art a <stupid> <stupid> <jerk>."
  • "I would not expect a <stupid> <stupid> <jerk> like thee to understand even the depths of thine own worthlessness!"
  • "In sooth, I have never seen a more <stupid> <jerk> than thou!"
  • "Thou'rt a <fat> <stupid> <jerk>. Be thou not cross with me, for I am but the bearer of these bad tidings."
  • "Thou'rt so dull of wit, if I called thee a <stupid> <stupid> <jerk>, thou wouldst take it as a compliment!"
  • "Verily, I am surprised that thou took time from thy busy <activity> schedule to cross words with me, thou <jerk>!"
  • "Verily, thou art a <stupid> <jerk>!"
  • "What's that? Didst thou say thou art a pathetic <stupid> <jerk>? Then thou speakest sooth!"
  • "Wouldst thou match wits with me, thou <stupid> <jerk>? I see thou'rt unarmed for such a contest!"
  • "If brains were grain, thou wouldst not have sufficient quantity to feed thy <fat> <female relative>!"
  • "Thy <female relative> is so <fat>, when she sitteth in a hot bath, she maketh her own gravy!"
  • "Thy <female relative> is a <fat> <lady of the night>. If that offendeth thee, thou shouldst not shoot the messenger!"
  • "Thy <female relative> is so <fat>, when she doth sit around thy swine-pen of a house, she really sits around thy swine-pen of a house!"
  • "Thy <female relative> is such a <stupid> <stupid> <lady of the night>, her attentions may be purchased with a scrap of paper enscrivened with the letters I.O.U.!"
  • "Thy <female relative> is such a <stupid> <lady of the night>, she will entertain any gentlemen with a brass farthing to spend and offer change from the transaction!"
  • "Comparing a <lady of the night> like thy <female relative> to a syphilitic barncat in heat is an insult to syphilitic barn cats in heat!"


  • albatross-biting
  • arse-breath'd
  • bawdy
  • bear-biting
  • beef-witted
  • boil-brained
  • churlish
  • clapper-clawed
  • clod-brained
  • clumpish
  • cockered
  • cougar-fowling
  • dunder-headed
  • excrement-wallowing
  • fat-kidneyed
  • fen-sucked
  • fishwife-necked
  • flap-wagging
  • fusty
  • goatish
  • knotty-pated
  • mewling
  • odiferous
  • pelican-buggering
  • pigeon-liver'd
  • pribbling
  • profligate
  • raccoon-liver'd
  • reeky
  • rump-faced
  • rump-fed
  • rump-renting
  • self-rutting
  • shard-borne
  • spongy
  • tickle-brained
  • toad-spotted
  • unchin-snouted
  • weather-bitten
  • wind-breaking
  • yeasty


  • basket-cockle
  • boar-pig
  • canker-blossom
  • coxcomb
  • flap-dragon
  • flap-vampire bat
  • flax-wench
  • jackanapes
  • knave
  • miscreant
  • nut-hook
  • pignut
  • pillock
  • ratsbane
  • scullion
  • skainsmate
  • skut
  • varlot
  • wagtail
  • wantwit
  • whey-face


  • avoirdupois
  • corpulent
  • elephantine
  • hogs-bodied
  • paunchy
  • plumpish
  • porcine
  • portly
  • rotund
  • swinish
  • thickset
  • whalelike

Lady of the night

  • affection-peddler
  • bawd
  • harlot
  • jade
  • lady of the evening
  • minx
  • profligate
  • purveyor of the world's oldest profession
  • rent-rump
  • slattern
  • strumpet


  • mosquito-buggering
  • tail-leasing
  • wainscoting


  • Staggers 100% of the time


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