Yakisoba the Executioner
| Yakisoba the Executioner | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 703 |
| Locations | Anywhere, after defeating an evil spaghetti cult assassin. |
| Hit Points | 150 |
| Attack | 115 |
| Defense | 103 |
| No-Hit | 125 |
| Initiative | 60 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| Quest | secret tropical island volcano lair map |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting Yakisoba the ExecutionerCherry blossoms swirl gently in the air as a cool breeze rustles in the treetops and crickets sing in the shade. Somewhere nearby, there is a melodic klonk as one of those bamboo things fills with water and tips over. Then, a stillness, an eerie hush that descends, warning you that this is not the time to ponder the odd change in your environment.
A figure steps from the shadows in front of you -- tall and lean, he moves with deadly grace. His black silk kimono is free of ornament but for an emblem of white squiggles on the breast, and his face is shaded by a wide wicker hat. "You are <player name>," he says, in a voice so low it is almost a whisper.
"I am," you reply. "And who are you?"
"I am Yakisoba, first among my master's assassins. You have bested all the agents we have set against you, and now it falls to me to avenge the dishonor you have brought upon my master."
"Your master is not worthy of your loyalty, Yakisoba. It is an evil thing, of tainted magic, and with no true intelligence but only malevolence and malice."
"I will not listen to your blasphemies, and I will not forsake my lord. Prepare yourself, pastamancer."
His thumb pushes the hilt of his sword forward with a click, loosening it in its sheath. Then, a swoosh, the background goes all streaky, and the music gets really intense.
Hit Message(s):
He slices your leg with his katana. Cowabunga, that hurts. Ugh! Ouch!
He plays a little "Crouching Ninja, Bleeding Adventurer." Eek! Ouch!
He breaks a series of boards with his bare hands. Wait, that last one wasn't a board -- it was your leg. My bad. Ugh! Argh!
He breaks three bones in your arm using nothing but a pair of chopsticks. Eek! Ouch!
He focuses his chi and hits you with a hundred-hand slap. It feels like that time you drunkenly hit on Shiva. Eek! Ouch!
He leaps three feet in the air, then flies sideways at you, hitting you in the face with a deadly kick. Eek! Ooh!
Since you know his honor prevents him from stabbing you in the back, you turn around. Turns out his honor doesn't prevent whacking you really hard with the flat of his blade. (CRITICAL HIT!) Eek! Ouch!
He stops to meditate, the better to focus his chi.
He tries to slice you with his katana, but you focus your chi and deflect the blow.
He stops to write a haiku about the inevitibility[sic] of your defeat.
He leaps three feet in the air, but then the wires break and he lands awkwardly.
He tries to attack, but you say, "ninja, please."
He breaks some boards with his bare hands. It's impressive, until you see what his hand looks like afterward.
He decides to hit you with a cardboard tube instead of a sword. The end result is not particularly effective, but is sure to end up on t-shirts at the next nerd convention. (FUMBLE!)
 | You acquire an item: secret tropical island volcano lair map (100% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: Yakisoba's hat (100% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: macaroni duck (100% chance)* |
| You gain 28.75 <substat>. |
Notes
- Appears to occur at any adventure.php location, and will only occur after you defeat your nemesis in the Dark and Dank Sinsister Cave.
- This monster may be encountered while falling-down drunk.
References
- "Yakisoba" is actually Japanese for "fried noodles".
- "One of those bamboo things fills with water and tips over" would be a shishi odoshi, a Japanese garden feature.
- The miss message with the cardboard tube refers to the Cardboard Tube Samurai, a creation of Penny Arcade.
