White Bone Demon

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White Bone Demon
Monster ID 1319
Locations Chinatown Tenement
Hit Points 180
Attack 100
Defense 100
No-Hit 110
Initiative 100
Meat None
Phylum demon
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts arm, ribcage, skull, wing
Drops
suspicious-looking fedora
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
White Bone Demon You're fighting White Bone Demon

When my vision cleared, I was sitting in an elegantly-appointed tearoom. A beautiful woman in a silk kimono was on the other side of the small table, her fan fluttering.

"Thank goodness you've awakened," she cooed at me. "I was afraid you had been grievously injured in your fight against the horrible monster that was enslaving us! You must allow me to reward you for your bravery -- simply name your pleasure, and you shall have it." She held her fan in front of her mouth and batted her eyelashes coquettishly.

"Hu shuo ba dao, sister," I growled, getting to my feet. "You aren't gonna sucker me with your cheap video game tricks. Drop the costume and let's finish this."

"Fool!" she hissed, the flesh melting from her face to reveal a gleaming white skull and fangs like daggers. "You think you can take me here, in the very heart of my realm?" The kimono split as huge bone wings sprouted from her back, and she flung away the shredded remains of cloth and skin alike. "I AM THE FINAL BOSS!" roared the bleached, taloned skeleton.

"Sure, baby," I replied, "but I'm the protagonist."

Hit Message(s):

She grabbed me in her wings, and I found myself unable to move. It was as though I'd lost control of my body. Foruntately[sic], she soon threw me against the wall, and I was able to move again, albeit with some new bruises. Ooh!

She slashed at my lower back with her razor-sharp talons. I don't know how it was possible, but it sure hurt like a mother. Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

Before I could react, she slid a knifelike fingernail up my nose and slit my nostril open. "Argh!" I yelled. "What was the point of that?"

"I just thought it wouldn't be appropriate to finish this without that happening at least once," she smiled.

Miss Message(s):

As she spun toward me, her wings sliced through the tearoom geometry, revealing the sunset-textured skybox outside. I wasn't sure if that was supposed to happen, but it was impressive either way.

She rose into the air and started shooting bolts of lightning at me. Fortunately, her pattern was fairly obvious and easily avoidable.

She shashed at me with her talons, but nothing happened, apart from the word "DODGE" appearing in green text over my head. Which was odd, since I hadn't actually moved at all.

She slashed at me with her talons; being unwilling to test the reality of the situation, I dodged.

Fumble Message:

"By the way," I asked her, "how's your sister? ...or was it your daughter?"

"What?" she asked. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Forget it, baby," I said. "It's Chinatown." (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

  • Upon defeat:

"Wo xi wang ni hi man man si, dan kuai yi dian xia di yu!" the demon screamed, as it burst into flame.

"Didn't understand a word of that, sorry," I replied, pulling out a cigarette. I lit it from her burning wing, then stepped back out of her reach.

"This is impossible!" she screeched. "You cannot do this! I am god here!"

"Lady, you said it yourself -- you're the final boss. Bosses are made to be beaten. Otherwise, what's the point?"

Her thrashing death animation began to loop. "ERROR!" she screamed. "Entry: givexp not found in file wbdemon.dat! ERROR! Entry: spawntmrwbd not found in file mobs.cfg!" She began to loop faster.

"Hmm," I said, flicking the rest of my cigarette at her. It fell through her and bounced on the floor. "Time for me to blow this joint while the blowing's good."

"Initialize server reset!" she howled. "ERROR! Reset permissions unvalidated! File wbdemon.dat is in use or unavailable!"

I reached up to my face and pulled off the goggles. The stack of computers was spraying sparks and black smoke, and the cable-tentacles were thrashing like worms on a hot sidewalk. I dove for the door, expecting the thing to explode any second, but fortunately for both me and the people who lived in the building, it melted instead. Thinking quickly, I reached out and grabbed my hat from where it lay on the floor, saving it from the spreading pool of toxic black sludge just in the nick of time.

I put it back on, set it to a rakish angle, and sauntered back upstairs, past a number of tenants who had opened their doors, dazed and blinking. As I opened the front door and sunlight streamed in, they began to cheer.

Hobofedora.gifYou acquire an item: suspicious-looking fedora

Occurs at the Chinatown Tenement as a result of destroying The Server.

Notes

  • This monster cannot be copied.

References

  • "Hu shuo ba dao" means "talking rubbish".
  • "Wo xi wang ni hi man man si, dan kuai yi dian xia di yu!" means "I wish you a slow death, but a quick ride to Hell!"
  • The fumble message is a reference to the 1974 movie Chinatown.