Whatsian Commando Ghost
|Whatsian Commando Ghost|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
A handsome male ghost in a grey wool overcoat rises from a grave near you. "Well, hello there," he says, in a manner that indicates more than a friendly greeting. "What faction are you in, then? I'm pretty sure you're not a follower of the Professor, like me. You're pretty enough to follow Jared the Duskwalker, but you've got that cool nerdy vibe like a Space Tourist. So maybe it's Captain Kerkard who gets your naughty parts tingling? But then, you've gotta admit, Duke Starkiller is one fine-looking guy, no matter which way you swing. . ."
"Are you hitting on me?" you ask.
"Well, I'm mainly sizing you up for a fight. . . but I'm not ruling out any options," he says, flashing a naughty grin.
A female ghost appears near a tombstone in front of you. She's got a giant mane of red hair, close-set eyes, and a bucket of attitude. "Do you agree that the Professor is the true Hero of the Peak?" she asks. "Or are you into Jared the Duskwalker, or that Space Tour bollocks, or those Galaxy Battles loonies?"
"Let's just say I'm undecided," you say.
"Well you better get decided, sunshine," she growls, holding up a glowing pair of pliers, "or me and my ionic pliers will take you apart!"
A glowing ghost appears in front of you, and confuses the crap out of you. It looks like kind of a metal pyramid with a rounded top. Instead of arms, it has a toilet plunger and an egg beater sticking out of the mid-section, and one eye on a stalk up front. "Are you a member of the Whatsian faction? RESPOND!" he says, his voice fuzzy with static.
"Are you the guys who are always on about the Professor? What's that about?"
"You do not respect the Professor? EVISCERATE!" he shouts, advancing on you.
A female ghost appears on the path in front of you. She brushes blonde hair out of her eyes and grins at you. "Cor, you're not half here for a lark, are you?" she says.
"I mean," she says, talking ever faster, her accent ever less intelligible, her smile ever wider, "you're fixin' to get put up the jubblies in the late August moonlight if I'm not mistaken, eh? 'Cause me and the Professor, we're like THIS, wot?"
"What indeed," you say, and then she attacks.
You get a weird prickling feeling in your guts and spin around to see . . . well, nothing behind you. Well, there's just one of the big angel statues you've seen all over the cemetery. They're hardly out of place; you'd expect to find crying angel statues in a cemetery, covering their eyes to hide their grief.
Then you blink, and the statue's moved several feet closer to you. Then you blink again, and it's right up in your face. That's no statue! That's a Whatsian ghost, and if you blink again, you're dead.
It ionizes your <throat> with its ionic pliers. Oof! Oof!
A rhino-headed alien materializes between you and the ghost and gores you with its horn. Ugh! Eek!
A little robot dog materializes beside you, says, "AFFIRMATIVE," and bites your <shoulder>. Ugh! Oof!
The ghost begins to glow orange and directs its regenerative neutrinos (or something) through your body. It's really gross. Argh! Oof! (sleaze damage)
The ghost opens the time vortex and makes you stare directly into it. You hear an incessant four-beat drumbeat, and go a little crazy for a while. Oof! Argh! Ouch!
It tries to ionize your ankle with its ionic pliers, but can't find the proper setting.
A rhino-headed alien materializes between you and the ghost, but you take away its credit card so it can't charge.
A little robot dog materializes beside you, but you just pet it behind the sensor array and offer it a RAM chip.
The ghost begins to glow orange, and has to stop and re-direct its regenerative neutrinos or whatever.
The ghost tries to scare you with the time vortex, but you're too much of a bad wolf to be frightened. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: A-Boo clue (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: T.U.R.D.S. Key (15% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Whatsian Ionic Pliers (5% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: ectoplasmic orbs (?% chance)*|
|You gain 24 (?) <substat>.|
- The idea of a time-traveling alien professional named after a question is directly taken from Doctor Who.
- The handsome, flirtatious man in a grey overcoat seems a lot like Jack Harkness.
- The redhead with an attitude is a reference to Donna Noble.
- The redhead with an attitude could also be a reference to Amy Pond.
- Ill-tempered plunger-wielding robots are fairly reminiscent of the Daleks.
- Rose Tyler was also a blonde, Cockney-speaking companion of the Doctor.
- "Blink and you're dead" and predatory angel statues were a hallmark of multiple Doctor Who episodes, including "Blink".
- There's also a little robot dog in the Doctor Who universe, K-9.
- The rhino-headed alien is a reference to the Judoon, who resemble humanoid rhinos. The fumble also references the joke about how to stop a rhino from charging.
- The ghost's orange glow refers to the time lord ability of regeneration, especially in the new series, in which the Doctor, the Master, and River Song all transform in a burst of orange-yellow light.
- The four-beat drumbeat of the vortex is what drove The Master insane.
- In Doctor Who, the Doctor has a high-tech multipurpose tool: not ionic pliers, though, but a sonic screwdriver.
- "Bad Wolf" is a term of particular significance in the 2005 first series of Doctor Who.