What is it Good For?

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What is it Good For?
What is it Good For?

You find yourself on an ancient -- at least in your terms -- battlefield. Your ears ring with the clash of sword against shield and the screams of dying men and horses as arrows rain from the sky like, well, arrows.

You hear a shout close by, and spin around to see two soldiers charging at each other -- one dressed in red, his shield divided by a wavy white ribbon across the middle; the other dressed in blue, with a round shield in red, white, and blue.

"Dyspepsi's got your taste for death, scum!" shouts the soldier in blue. His opponent responds, "Death goes better with Cloaca, filthy Dyspepsian dog!" They clash again, with little effect -- they seem pretty evenly matched.

Help the Dyspepsi soldier

You rush into the fray, levelling a blow at the soldier in red. Your weapon rings off his helmet, but the distraction proves sufficient -- the other soldier runs him through with his sword.

"I thank you for your aid, my friend," says the Dyspepsian, removing his helmet. "You are quite out of uniform -- was the massing of reinforcements so hasty? Here, take my helm. It wouldn't do to have you killed by our own men."

Colahelm.gifYou acquire an item: Dyspepsi-Cola helmet

Help the Cloaca soldier

You charge up to help the soldier in red, just a moment too late -- the soldier in blue deals him a vicious slash to the left shoulder before you can dispatch him.

The Cloacan spits angrily on the blue-uniformed corpse, and unstraps his shield from his now-useless arm, wincing as he does so. "Thank you for your aid, but I fear you have not saved my life for long. Our side will not see victory this day.

"Here, take this," he says, handing you his shield. "May it serve you better than it did me."

Colash1.gifYou acquire an item: Cloaca-Cola shield

Don't get involved

You sneak away, careful not to draw their attention, and duck behind an overturned cart. Fortunately, neither seems to notice you.

You gain 15 Sarcasm.

Occurs at A Battlefield.


  • The name of this adventure references the song "War" by Edwin Starr: "War, what is it good for? / Absolutely nothing, say it again!"
Battlefield.gif A Battlefield Choice Adventures
The Effervescent Fray   Smells Like Team Spirit   What is it Good For?
Listen to the red leader Cloaca-Cola fatigues Dyspepsi-Cola Dyspepsi-Cola fatigues Help the Dyspepsi soldier Dyspepsi-Cola helmet
Listen to the blue leader Dyspepsi-Cola shield Cloaca-Cola Cloaca-Cola helmet Help the Cloaca soldier Cloaca-Cola shield
Don't get involved 15 Mysteriousness Don't get involved 15 Strengthliness Don't get involved 15 Smarm