War Hippy Naturopathic Homeopath

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War Hippy Naturopathic Homeopath
Monster ID 491
Locations The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points 220
Attack 180
Defense 166
No-Hit 190
Initiative 30
Meat None
Phylum hippy
Elements stench
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
Drops
communications windchimes, filthy poultice, hippy medical kit, Lockenstock™ sandals, natural fennel soda
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
War Hippy Naturopathic Homeopath You're fighting a War Hippy Naturopathic Homeopath

This is a hippy that knows that all ailments, including injuries, are caused not by microorganisms or physical trauma, but by disturbances to the vital life energy that keeps us whole and in tune with Gaia. In addition, she tends to treat illnesses and wounds with natural "medicine" instead of the regular kind that comes in pills and potions. How weird is that?

Hit Message(s):

She smacks you on the head, which gives you a headache, then feeds you tree bark to get rid of the headache. What kind of tree bark could cure a freakin' headache?Eek! Ouch! Ugh!

She sees you have dandruff and rubs hot tar all over your head. Gah! What kind of treatment is that? Oof! Ow! Eek! Ugh! Oof! (hot damage)

She applies leeches to your various wounds. Man -- what good could leeches possibly do on a wound?Eek! Argh! Ow!

She rubs raw honey on one of your wounds. Trying to clean it off results in some emergency depilitation. Ugh! Eek! Oof! Oof! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

She tells you that you need to rid your body of toxins, and force-feeds you a mixture of lemon juice, water, molasses, and cayenne pepper. It tastes foul and feels fouler in your stomach, but doesn't make you feel less toxic. Ow! Ooh! Argh! Ooh! Eek! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

She tries to rub hot tar on you, but you ask her what in tarnation she's doing.

She tries to apply a leech to you, but you're tired of people leeching off of you.

She tries to force-feed you a handful of weeds, but you resist.

She tries to rub raw honey on you, but you tell her you prefer your honey cooked.

Fumble Message:

She says your body is full of toxins, and tells you to eat some seeds to correct the problem. You tell her that eating seeds is a pastime activity, and the toxicity of your body is just fine. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Chimes.gifYou acquire an item: communications windchimes (3.1% chance)*
Poultice.gifYou acquire an item: filthy poultice (20.0% chance)*
Medkit.gifYou acquire an item: hippy medical kit (31.8% chance)*
Sandals.gifYou acquire an item: Lockenstock™ sandals (1.7% chance)*
Beerbottle.gifYou acquire an item: natural fennel soda (27.4% chance)*
You gain 45 <substat>.

Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).

Notes

  • Initially had the message [should have special attack where she heals herself] added to her description. A rare glimpse into the minds of the creators.

References

  • The fumble message referring to "eating seeds is a pastime activity" and one's "toxicity" levels being fine is a reference to System of a Down's "Toxicity".
  • The hit message which mentions her feeding you bark to cure a headache is a reference to willow bark, which contains salicin, a chemical which is chemically related to, and has effects similar to those of, acetylsalicylic acid, the active ingredient in Aspirin.
  • Honey has a wide variety of medicinal applications, including as an antiseptic, antiviral agent, antibacterial agent, antifungal agent, and anti-oxidant.