War Hippy Airborne Commander

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War Hippy Airborne Commander
Monster ID 489
Locations The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points 220
Attack 195
Defense 166
No-Hit 205
Initiative 70
Meat None
Phylum hippy
Elements stench
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
Drops
bullet-proof corduroys, communications windchimes, exploding hacky-sack, ferret bait, ferret bait, Lockenstock™ sandals, patchouli oil bomb, reinforced beaded headband, round purple sunglasses, water pipe bomb, water pipe bomb, purple clay bead
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
War Hippy Airborne Commander You're fighting a War Hippy Airborne Commander

This is a senior officer in the Hippy Air Force (whose motto is "We're, Like, So High, Man.") Since the hippies don't have planes or helicopters, and all their zeppelins are made out of lead, the Hippy Air Force consists of sugar-addled ferrets strapped into gliders. It's the kind of idea that makes perfect sense after a lifetime of hallucinogen abuse. This officer has trained her ferrets to perform advanced aerial attacks when she blows a whistle that only ferrets (and people who have listened to a lot of Mariah Carey) can hear.

Hit Message(s):

She blows one short, two long, and another short blast on her whistle. The squadron of ferrets swoop in, scratch you, and piddle in your wounds. Aigh! Argh! Ooh!

She blows one long and three short blasts on her whistle. The ferret squadron swoops down, grabs a nearby beehive, and drops it on your head. Ow! Ugh! Ooh! Ooh!

She blows one long blast on her whistle. The ferrets swoop down, pick up a steaming-hot pot of herbal tea, and dump it all over you. Ooh! Argh! Oof! Eek! Ouch! (hot damage)

She blows one long, two short, and another long blast on her whistle, and her ferret squadron scoops up rocks and drops them on your head. Argh! Ugh! Ouch! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

She pulls out a can of Mountain Stream soda and pours it into a ferret-feeder water bottle. A squadron of ferrets swoops down, sips it, then goes airborne berserker all over you.Eek! Eek! Ow! Ow! Ouch!

Miss Message(s):

The squadron of ferrets look tired, so she has to stop and give them more candy and caffeine.

She tries to blow on her whistle, but hiccups and swallows it for a minute.

She blows "Shave and a Haircut" on her whistle. The ferrets all sing "Twoooooo bits!" in high, piping voices. You're not sure what that was supposed to accomplish.

She blows two long and two short blasts on her whistle. The ferrets fall asleep.

Fumble Message:

She blows three short blasts on her whistle. A squadron of ferrets swoops out of the sky at you. You make a noise like a running vacuum cleaner, though, and they scatter in fear. (FUMBLE!)

Special Move(s):
She blows four shrill blasts on her whistle, and her ferret squadron executes a really, really nasty bombing run. Ugh! Argh! Oof! Argh! Ooh!
Guano.gifYou acquire an effect: All Covered In Whatsit
(duration: 5 Adventures)

After Combat

Bpcords.gifYou acquire an item: bullet-proof corduroys (1.0% chance)*
Chimes.gifYou acquire an item: communications windchimes (3.4% chance)*
Ferretbait.gifYou acquire an item: ferret bait (20% chance)*
Ferretbait.gifYou acquire an item: ferret bait (20% chance)*
Sandals.gifYou acquire an item: Lockenstock™ sandals (1.9% chance)*
Rankbead2.gifYou acquire an item: purple clay bead (30% chance)*
Warheadband.gifYou acquire an item: reinforced beaded headband (0.9% chance)*
Roundglasses.gifYou acquire an item: round purple sunglasses (1.3% chance)*
Bong.gifYou acquire an item: water pipe bomb (15% chance)*
Bong.gifYou acquire an item: water pipe bomb (15% chance)*
Hackeysack.gifYou acquire an item: exploding hacky-sack (20% chance)*
Patchbomb.gifYou acquire an item: patchouli oil bomb (20% chance)*
You gain 48-49 <substat>.

Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).

Notes

References

  • The zeppelins made of lead are a reference to the band Led Zeppelin.
  • The flying ferrets may be a reference to an xkcd strip.
  • The whistle blasts are Morse code and hint at the attack in question: the piddle strike is called in by a 'P', the beehive by a 'B', the tea bombing by a 'T', and the nap by a 'Z'. (The fumble is an 'S', and the rocks an 'X', and appear to not hint at the attack.)
  • Shave and a Haircut is a popular musical call and response.
  • Mariah Carey is an American singer known for her extensive vocal range, particularly her use of the whistle register.