Walford's Shack
You peek into the little shack, which is mostly filled with walrus and otherwise filled with buckets.
"Well howdy there, fella," he says in a gruff but avuncular voice. "Been quite a time since I got any visitors in these parts. If you wouldn't mind helpin' me out a bit and fetchin' me a bucket or two of some supplies I'm in need of, I'd be much obliged. I currently need <items>, <items> and <items>."
- Or,if you have already accepted a quest that day:
"Well howdy there, fella," he says in a gruff but avuncular voice. "Been quite a time since I got any visitors in these parts. If you wouldn't mind helpin' me out a bit and fetchin' me a bucket or two of some supplies I'm in need of, I'd be much obliged. I currently need <items>, <items> and <items>, but you've already been so helpful today. I couldn't possibly trouble you again.."
| I'll get you some <items> |
| I'll get you some <items> |
| I'll get you some <items> |
- On accepting one of three random quest:
<Quest acceptance text>
If you do not already have one:
 | You acquire an item: Walford's bucket |
Only occurs if no quest has been accepted that day.
| Turn in the bucket! |
- On turning in a full bucket:
<Quest completion text>
 | You acquire 10 Wal-Mart gift certificates |
Only occurs if Walford's bucket is at 100% filled
| Ask him to tell you a joke |
Walford tells you a random joke
| Dump out the bucket and start over |
You take the bucket out back where Walford won't see you wasting supplies and dump it off the edge of the Glaciest
Only occurs if a quest has been accepted and Walford's bucket is below 100% filled. Allows you to discard any quest progress and choose a new quest.
| Take your leave |
You leave Walford's shack.
Occurs at The Glaciest.
Quest Text
I'll get you some balls
- Acceptance text:
"All right," Walford says as he hands you a bucket. "Need ya to go out and fill this bucket for me."
"With what?" you ask.
"Balls."
"...Excuse me?"
"Nope, you heard correct. Bucket of balls. Any type've balls'll do."
"I'm beginning to think you're not taking this adventurer / quest-giver relationship seriously," you complain.
- Completion text:
"Okay," you say, "I've got your bucket of balls."
"Good," Walford says. "Thank you kindly. Just dump them in the pit over there."
"You seriously have a ball pit?" You look, and yes, he does.
"Ain't a whole lot of entertainment opportunities out here. Gotta make your own fun."
I'll get you some blood
- Acceptance text:
"Now what I need," he says, handing (or I guess 'flippering') you a bucket from the pile behind him, "is for you to fill this here bucket with blood for me."
"Uh..." you say. "Any kind of blood?"
"Ayep. Blood's all the same, pretty much."
"Oookay..." you say, backing carefully out of the hut.
- Completion text:
"Good, good," Walford says as you hold out the bucket of blood. "Just put it in the middle of the floor there and keep an eye on it while I test it."
He connects two pieces of wire to a lantern battery and puts the other ends of the wires into the bucket. There is a slight zzt sound, but nothing else happens. "Good," he says. "That'll do just fine." He pours the blood into a larger vat in the corner of the room.
"Er... I won't bother to ask what that was about," you say, "but what do you need blood for anyway?"
"I use it as salad dressing," he replies. "I am a carnivore, after all."
I'll get you some bolts
- Acceptance text:
"Things have a tendancy to break down in these parts," he says, "what with the salt water and the wind an' all. What I need is for you to go collect some spare parts for me. Bolts, mainly. Don't matter what size or kind, I'll find a use for 'em." He hands you a bucket.
"Okay," you say. "Sounds simple enough."
- Completion text:
You hand Walford the bucket of miscellaneous lugs and bolts you lugged and/or bolted into his hut. The walrus looks in the bucket, and seems pleased. "Good job," he says. "That certainly is a bucket filled with bolts and so on. Just what I was lookin' for. Yup."
I'll get you some chicken
- Acceptance text:
"Here," the walrus says, handing you a bucket. "Take this and go get me a bucket of chicken."
"Chicken?" you ask.
"Yep. Not penguin, mind you. Tired of penguin, always having to undo the little bow ties."
"Do they even have chickens around here?"
"Well I always figure you can find just about anything if you look hard enough."
- Completion text:
"Thank you kindly," Walford says when you hand him the bucket of chicken. He empties the bucket into his mouth and chews thoughtfully, the bones making a terrible cracking noise as they grind between his teeth. "Not bad," he says. "Certainly not as oily as them penguin fellas."
I'll get you some chum
- Acceptance text:
Walford tosses you a bucket. "Here y'go -- chum," he says.
"Thanks, buddy," you reply.
"Very good." he nods. "Glad to see we're on the same page, comedy-wise."
"Fish parts, right?"
"Right."
- Completion text:
You hand Walford the bucket of stinking fish parts. "Thank you kindly," he says, and then empties the bucket into his mouth with one gulp.
"Ugh," you say.
"It's the right thing to do, and the tasty way to do it," he replies.
I'll get you some ice
- Acceptance text:
Walford gives you a bucket from his pile. "Here y'go. What I need is for you to fill that with ice for me."
"You need me to fetch ice?" you ask. "We're on a glacier. There's ice all around. I'm pretty sure your floor is made of ice."
"Well I can't cool my drink with my floor, now can I?" he says.
- Completion text:
You give Walford the bucket of ice; he looks it over and puts it in a particualrly cold corner of his hut. "Very good, very good," he says. "I'll sort it out into the little plastic trays later."
I'll get you some milk
- Acceptance text:
"Here y'go," the walrus says, handing you a bucket. "Take that and fill it up with milk for me."
"Milk?" you say. "Where am I going to find milk on a glacier?"
Walford shrugs. "Beats me. Maybe them Vyking fellas?"
"I am not going to milk a Vyking," you protest.
Walford shrugs again. "Well, try the hotel then. They've prob'ly got some on hand."
- Completion text:
"Here's your bucket of milk," you say, handing Walford the bucket. "Don't ask where I got it, because I don't think I can explain."
I'll get you some moonbeams
- Acceptance text:
Walford gives you a bucket, and says "Now this might sound a bit tricky, but I reckon you'll do just fine. I need you go go fetch me a bucket of moonbeams."
"...Moonbeams. Is that like a rare kind of flower or fish or something around here?" you ask. "You don't mean --"
"I mean literal moonbeams, yep."
"How am I supposed to do that? That doesn't make any kind of sense."
"Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something," the walrus replies, and winks broadly.
"What's that wink supposed to mean? What are you implying?"
He winks again.
- Completion text:
"There, see?" Walford says as you hand him the bucket of moonbeams. "Knew you'd figure it out."
"I guess," you reply dubiuosly.
I'll get you some rain
- Acceptance text:
He hands you a bucket from the piles behind him. "Here y'are. All I need is for you fill this bucket with rain."
"That's all?" you ask. "It seems like water would be easy to come by around here."
"Too salty," he says. "Also the penguins pee in it."
- Completion text:
You hand Walford a bucket of rain.
"Ah, thank y'kindly," he says. "Just pour it into the watercooler there, if you don't mind." He gestures to an office-style watercooler, and opens a new bag of those conical paper cups.
Notes
- Three random quests are available each day.
- It is only possible to accept one quest per day. Choosing to empty your bucket and start over, resets your choice and allows you to choose a new quest.
- It is possible to accept a quest on one day, turn in your bucket on another day, then immediately accept and complete a new quest that same day.
- A quest is completed by adventuring in The Ice Hotel, VYKEA or The Ice Hole with Walford's bucket equipped until the bucket is 100% full. Choosing the right location and equipment can help speed up filling the bucket. See The Glaciest strategy guide for an in-depth look on completing Walford's quests.
- All of Walford's quests are worth 10 Wal-Mart gift certificates.
- A trophy is available after completing 10 of these quests.
References
- The reference to the lantern battery zapping the blood might be a homage to the 1982 movie The Thing in which Kurt Russel uses a heated wire to test the blood samples in order to determine which of the arctic crew research members is an xenomorph hiding in human form.
- Walford Rusley is likely a reference to actor Wilford Brimley, who not only sports a walrus moustache but was an actor in the aforementioned movie The Thing.
- Lolrus loves his bukkit.
- Walford is the fictional home of the BBC's long-running soap opera EastEnders.
