Vote today for tomorrow's leader!
Every day, you can choose between candidates representing two of the following parties that offer one platform point each. This platform determines the kind of wandering monster they will provide tomorrow. It is believed that the candidate with the most votes on any given day will enact their promise the following day.
- The Pork Elf Historical Preservation Party
- Clan Ventrilo
- The Bureau of Efficient Government
- The Scions of Ich'Xuul'kor the Good and Normal
- The Extra-Terrific Party
Allieroth Lechona - The Pork Elf Historical Preservation Party is dedicated to preserving the history and traditions of the ancient Pork Elves who once populated these lands.
- "In order to really get in touch with our Pork Elf forebears, I propose a strict curtailing of unnatural modern technologies such as electricity and round ears. Getting back in touch with Pork Elf society in this way will make life much better for everyone!" (leads to government bureaucrat)
- "In order to promote a greater degree of oneness with the ancient Pork Elves, I'm proposing a hefty tax break for any citizen willing to undergo an easy and harmless medical procedure to reintroduce Pork Elf DNA into our gene pool. You could be an actual Pork Elf, sort of, and save a bunch on your taxes as well! It's win-win!" (leads to Terrible mutant)
- "In order to confirm our theories about how the ancient Pork Elves lived, I'm proposing a kingdom-wide seance to summon their ancient spirits, so that we can learn from them directly! This will be a tremendous step forward in our goal of historical preservation." (leads to Angry ghost)
- "One thing that's pretty clear from the writings and art of the ancient Pork Elves is that they were very interested in snakes. Therefore, I propose to increase the number of snakes in the kingdom, so that we can see what all the fuss was about." (leads to Annoyed snake)
- "We're still figuring out a lot of aspects of Pork Elf culture from what's left in the archaeological record, but one thing that we're pretty sure about is that lard was very important to them. Magical lard. Like, lots of magical lard everywhere? So that's my plan." (leads to Slime blob)
Ferka Vlaicu - Clan Ventrilo has determined that, in the current social climate, it is acceptable for vampires to run for office openly -- rather than ruling the human cattle from the shadows as they traditionally do.
- "Some have called it selfish that we vampires do not share our Darke Gifte with everyone, and I have taken these vords to heart. If I am elected, I promise to begin a program to research the effects of bringing this blessing to the entire population. Blah! Blah!" (leads to Slime blob)
- "Vouldn't you like to see your deceased loved ones again? If elected, I pledge to use my dark powers to return them to you! Muah-ha-ha!" (leads to Angry ghost)
- "You humans are hardy stock, but vouldn't you like to be even stronger and more vigorous? Elect me, and ve vill see how much tast- healthier you can become!" (leads to Terrible mutant)
- "Physical health is very important for you mortals! If elected, I vill implement healthcare reforms to ensure every citizen is healthy and filled with only the highest-quality blood." (leads to Government bureaucrat)
- "Everyone says ve vampires are too grim and serious. Hey, ve like fun as much as anyvone! For example: snacks! I believe you humans have a popular snack you call "go-gurt", which is a flavored drink in a tube, yes? Ve have something very similar! If elected, I promise to share this delightful experience vith you all!" (leads to Annoyed snake)
Agent Julia Wood, Federal Dept. of Processing - The Bureau of Efficient Government is dedicated to making the Kingdom's government operate in a more efficient manner, by streamlining and removing redundancy and inefficiency in the Kingdom's government.
- "I don't think I need to tell you that graveyards are a terribly inefficient use of space. I pledge to immediately re-zone all such areas as parking lots and grazing fields." (leads to Angry ghost)
- "A government cannot be truly efficient unless its citizens are also efficient. As we say in the Bureau, "Waste makes waste." If elected, I will enact strictly enforced efficiency laws, which will of course be to everyone's benefit." (leads to Government bureaucrat)
- "Distribution of necessary medical care is one of the largest sources of waste and inefficiency in our government. If elected, I will distribute all the medications for all known diseases simultaneously, in the water supply. The benefits are obvious." (leads to Terrible mutant)
- "Our Animal Inspection Committee has determined that the Kingdom's wildlife has far more legs than is efficient. I propose to introduce an influx of snakes, in order to balance out the average." (leads to Annoyed snake)
- "In order to reduce the federal sanitation budget, I propose a program of breeding and releasing ambulatory garbage-eating slimes into the streets. Our research committee has reported that there are no possible downsides to this plan." (leads to Slime blob)
Priest Ronnie Rose - The Scions of Ich'Xuul'kor the Good and Normal are dedicated to creating the conditions necessary for their totally benevolent god to break through into our dimension, which will be pleasant and fun for everybody.
- "In order to increase awareness of our really great god Ich'Xuul'kor the Good and Normal, if elected I will begin a program of rituals that will open the public's minds to his good and cool energies. You'll be able to feel his presence directly, in your dreams! Won't that be great?" (leads to Terrible mutant)
- "It's come to my attention that some people are performing counter-rituals to prevent the summoning of Ich'Xuul'kor the Good and Normal to this world! What kind of terrible person would do such a thing? If elected, I vow to hunt these evil people down and put a stop to their nefarious schemes!" (leads to government bureaucrat)
- "The Book of Smiling Teeth prophesizes that the Good and Normal One will arrive to the sound of a great hissing, with a great many of his limbless children writhing along the ground. So we figure he likes snakes? Everyone loves snakes, they're really cool, right? Snakes for everybody!" (leads to Annoyed snake)
- "To better prepare our environment for Ich'Xuul'kor the Good and Normal's arrival, we'll need to make things a little bit more like he's used to. Decorate the place up, you know? Like a welcoming party! Vote for me, and we'll gussy this place up and make it really nice!" (leads to slime blob)
- "Once elected, I will be performing a series of rituals to increase the, uh, "kindness energy" that flows between this dimension and the next one, to help our benevolent god make the transition to this plane. Kindness energy -- that sounds pretty great, right? How could you possibly vote against kindness energy?" (leads to angry ghost)
Bob Juprezrez - The Extra-Terrific Party is dedicated making the Kingdom more habitable to alien lifeforms. Purely for tourism purposes.
- "It has come to my attention that your people don't have... well, it isn't pronounceable in your language, or with your vocal cords. Let's call it "health juice". It is a wondrous chemical that my people use to ensure we have all the correct vitamins and minerals for the health of our physical bodies. If elected, I will be happy to share this technology with you, and even set up distribution within your drinking water." (leads to Terrible mutant)
- "As you know, my people do not bear antibodies for many... well, most... actually all, of your Earth diseases. In order to ensure a healthy environment for my people when they... visit, I will enact a rigorous and comprehensive DNA harvesting program, in order to formulate the correct vaccines. Rest assured, the procedure is completely painless, and the slight memory loss is more than outweighed by the great technological advances my people will definitely be sharing with you." (leads to Government bureaucrat)
- "The fuel my people use for our warp engines can be refined from very common elements of your planet's crust, like granite and chalk, which is one of the reasons we are so eager to visit. Besides, you know, all your quaint little tourist attractions and so on. If elected, I will have mining and refining processes begin immediately, so that a proper "trade" relationship between our people can be properly established. You need not fear any disruption of your surface landscape, and I assure you that the refining process does not produce any waste materials worth mentioning." (leads to Slime blob)
- "To better prepare your Earth for colo-- er, tourism, it is important that we run some tests to ensure that our warp engines will not destabilize the fifth-dimensional matrix in this region of spacetime. Upon my election, we will begin these tests immediately. It is possible that this might displace and anger your... what is your Earth word... "ancestors"? But rest assured, the increase in tourism revenue will be well worth the risk." (leads to Angry ghost)
- "It has recently come to my attention that your local environment is perfectly suited to the needs of my peoples' favorite pet animal, the... well, the best I can translate it into your language would be "long friend". If elected, I would be happy to gift you with a breeding pair of these delightful creatures, as a sign of friendship between our cultures." (leads to Annoyed snake)
|Pork Elf||Curtailing modern technology||government bureaucrat|
|Reintroducing Pork Elf DNA to the gene pool||terrible mutant|
|Summoning ancient Pork Elf spirits||angry ghost|
|Seeing what all the fuss about snakes is about||annoyed snake|
|Lots of magical lard everywhere||slime blob|
|Clan Ventrilo||Sharing the Darke Gifte of vampirism with everybody||slime blob|
|Bringing back deceased loved ones||angry ghost|
|Making everybody tast- healthier||terrible mutant|
|Healthcare reform for higher quality blood||government bureaucrat|
|Snack in a tube||annoyed snake|
|Efficient Government||Rezoning graveyards into parking lots and grazing fields||angry ghost|
|Strictly enforced efficiency laws||government bureaucrat|
|Medications in the water supply||terrible mutant|
|Influx of snakes to balance out the leg average||annoyed snake|
|Breeding garbage-eating slimes||slime blob|
|Scions of Ich'Xuul'kor||Opening the public's dreams to their totally benevolent god||terrible mutant|
|Hunting down people performing counter-rituals||government bureaucrat|
|Snakes for everybody!||annoyed snake|
|Decorate the place for Ich'Xuul'kor||slime blob|
|Kindness energy rituals||angry ghost|
|Extra-Terrific Party||Distributing alien vitamins in the water supply||terrible mutant|
|DNA harvesting program||government bureaucrat|
|Mining and refining waste materials||slime blob|
|Warp engine testing for colo-- er, tourism||angry ghost|
|Gift of a breeding pair of "long friends"||annoyed snake|
Your local budget only supports two projects.
Mandatory 6pm curfew.
+-2 Adventure(s) per day
+30% Pants Drops from Monsters
Reduced taxes at all income levels.
+30% Meat from Monsters
Kingdomwide air-conditioning subsidies.
+10 Cold Damage
|Rock the Vote!|
Vote Rocked! A poll worker comes over and hands you a shiny sticker.
|You acquire an item: "I Voted!" sticker|
You decide to consider your ballot more carefully before casting your vote.
- Initiatives are character-specific, and last for the day the vote was held. There are four initiatives per day, with three giving a positive boost (like Muscle +25%) and one giving a negative penalty (like Muscle -20). Possible initiatives include:
Initiative Effect Exercise ban. Muscle -20 Mandatory morning calisthenics for all citizens. Muscle +25% Reduced public education spending. Mysticality -20 Replace all street signs with instructions for arcane rituals. Mysticality +25% Ban on petroleum-based gels and pomades. Moxie -20 Compulsory dance lessons every weekend. Moxie +25% Subsidies for health potion manufacturers. Maximum HP +30% Vaccination reversals for all citizens. Maximum HP -50% Carbonate the water supply. Maximum MP +30% All bedsheets replaced with giant dryer sheets. Maximum MP -50% "Song that Never Ends" pumped throughout speakers in all of Kingdom. +10 to Monster Level Add sedatives to the water supply. -10 to Monster Level Require boxing videos to be played on all bar televisions. +4 Muscle Stats Per Fight Emergency eye make-up stations installed in all public places. +4 Moxie Stats Per Fight Deployment of a network of aerial mana-enhancement drones. +4 Mysticality Stats Per Fight Municipal journaling initiative. +3 Stats Per Fight Distracting noises broadcast through compulsory teeth-mounted radio receivers. -3 Stats Per Fight Repeal leash laws. +2 Familiar Experience Per Combat Shut down all local dog parks. -2 Familiar Experience Per Combat Make all new clothes out of asbestos. Serious Hot Resistance (+3) Require all garments to be fleece-lined. Serious Cold Resistance (+3) Free public nose-plug dispensers. Serious Stench Resistance (+3) Outlaw black clothing and white makeup. Serious Spooky Resistance (+3) Widespread distribution of "CENSORED" bars. Serious Sleaze Resistance (+3) Pocket flamethrowers issued to all citizens. +10 Hot Damage Kingdomwide air-conditioning subsidies. +10 Cold Damage Artificial butter flavoring dispensers on every street corner. +10 Sleaze Damage All forms of deodorant are now illegal. +10 Stench Damage Free civic weapon sharpening program. Weapon Damage +100% Safety features added to all melee weapons. Weapon Damage -50% Mandatory martial arts classes for all citizens. +20 Damage to Unarmed Attacks Requirement that all weapon handles be buttered. -10% chance of Critical Hit Open a local portal to a dimension of pure arcane power. Spell Damage +20% Emissions cap on all magic-based combustion. Spell Damage -50% Compulsory firearm and musical instrument safety training for all citizens. Ranged Damage +100% Addition of 37 letters to end of alphabet so existing names are all earlier in queues. +25% Combat Initiative All citizens required to look all four ways before crossing the street. -30% Combat Initiative State-mandated bed time of 8PM. +1 Adventure(s) per day Mandatory 6pm curfew +-2 Adventure(s) per day Institute GBLI (Guaranteed Basic Loot Income.) +15% Item Drops from Monsters Mandatory item tithing. -20% Item Drops from Monsters Reduced taxes at all income levels. +30% Meat from Monsters Increased taxes at all income levels. -30% Meat from Monsters Sales tax free weekend for back-to-school shopping. +30% Gear Drops from Monsters State nudity initiative. -50% Gear Drops from Monsters Subsidies for dentists. +30% Candy Drops from Monsters A chicken in every pot! +30% Food Drops from Monsters Happy Hour extended by 23 additional hours. +30% Booze Drops from Monsters Ban belts. +30% Pants Drops from Monsters
- Selecting no candidate fails with the message:
- You must vote for a candidate.
- Selecting any number other than two local initiatives fails with the message:
- You must vote for two, and only two, local initiatives.