Video Game Boss

Video Game Boss
Monster ID	1331
Locations	The GameInformPowerDailyPro Dungeon
Hit Points	75% of Monster's Defense
Attack	Player's Moxie+5
Defense	Player's Moxie+5
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	construct
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
	Drops fat loot token, piece of Raiments of the Final Boss
Manuel Entry
	refreshedit data

You're fighting Zagnubyrgmug the Death Warrior

The interior of <Video Game Boss>'s lair is decorated with rusty iron latticework over streams of molten lava pouring down the walls like glowing tapestries, to collect in a circular moat surrounding a spiky iron throne. That seems to be all there is in here. Where does he sleep? <Video Game Boss> rises from his throne -- he's a big muscular bruiser-type, but basically human-looking. "Who are you?" he asks. "You are not <Hero Name>!"

"No, he couldn't make it," you reply. "Look, I know you think you're extra-important and all, but to me you're just a sidequest. Would you mind going ahead and transforming into your super-powerful monster form, so we can hurry up and get this over with? I know you've got one."

"Insolent dog!" he roars. "Then feel the wrath of <Video Game Boss>!" Veins pop out all over his skin as he begins to swell up and turn bright red. Giant black horns grow out of his skull, and thorns begin to pop out of his muscles.

"Yep," you say, "called it."

or

You step into the lair of the evil villain <Video Game Boss>, which is decorated in a skull motif -- skull lamps, skull wall-brackets for the skull lamps, skulls used for crown molding and baseboards, a big pile of skulls stacked up as a dais for a big throne also made out of skulls... basically just skulls everywhere you look. It's a little tacky, but you have to respect the guy a little for knowing what he likes and just running with it.

From atop his skull throne, <Video Game Boss> (skull helmet, skull shoulderpads, skull knee pads, skull belt buckle, skulls also hanging from the belt on leather cords, and -- ew -- skull codpiece) lifts his wine goblet (yes) in a toast. "So, <Hero Name>! You have finally arrived! I have been waiting for the opportunity to add your skull to my collection!"

"Sorry," you say, "I'm not <Hero Name>, I'm <Player Name>. And anyway, don't you have enough skulls already?"

"Never! I shall own the skulls of every human being in the world!" He laughs raucously.

"Dude, that is going to be a lot of skulls. Where are you going to put them all? You should have gone with something that would stack better, like sternums. Or those little bones in your toes, what are those called?"

"Phalanges? Look, idiot, who's going to be scared of a guy who collects toes?"

"Well, I'm not scared of you regardless, so nuts to you."

<Video Game Boss> slams down his skull goblet angrily. "Enough! Prepare to die, whoever you are!"

or

The inside of <Video Game Boss>'s lair looks pretty much like what you'd expect -- lots of iron cages with skeletons in them, bubbling cauldrons of green slime, fire pits full of red-hot torture implements, and so forth. A door opens, and <Video Game Boss> stomps in, dressed in gleaming bronze armor with a general spike and leering demon face motif. "Who are you?" he booms. "You aren't <Hero Name>."

"No," you say, "he... couldn't make it. Or something. Anyway, I'm here, so let's fight."

<Video Game Boss> scratches his head. "I don't know, I was kind of waiting for <Hero Name>. He was going to try and stop my evil plans to take over the land of <Land Name> and all."

"Right, but he's not here, and I am."

"Yeah, but there's matters of Destiny and Fate to take into account..."

"Look, I waded through three levels of nonsense to get here," you say angrily, "and I'm not just turning around and going home! Come on, let's do this!"

"Okay okay, jeez."

Hit Message(s):

<Boss Name> smashes the ground with his fist, creating a shockwave that you can't quite dodge in time. Ooh! Ugh! Ow! Oof! Ouch!

<Boss Name> pulls out an axe with a blade the size of a car door, and does pretty much what you would expect someone to do with an axe that size. Or any size, really. Ouch! Oof! Argh! Ugh! Ow!

<Boss Name> pulls out a humongous sword, and wooshes from one side of the room to the other, slicing everything in his path. Yes, that includes you. Ugh! Ow! Ugh! Argh! Ugh!

<Boss Name> pulls out a giant sword, and starts spinning around like a whirlwind. Except it hurts more than a whirlwind. Ugh! Argh! Ow! Eek! Ow!

<Boss Name> opens a little door on his chestplate, and shoots a laser beam at you. Aaah! What the hell?! Ugh! Ow! Argh! Argh! Oof!

<Boss Name> pulls out a bow, and peppers you with arrows. It's a terrible assalt, and you hope he doesn't do it again anythyme soon. Eek! Ugh! Ugh! Eek! Ugh!

A bunch of pointy spikes pop out of the ground, teaching you by example what all those little holes in the floor are for. Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ouch! Argh!

<Boss Name> roars really loudly, causing stone blocks to fall from the ceiling in several places around the room -- like where you're standing, for example. (Not where he's standing, of course.) Ugh! Ow! Argh! Ow! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

<Boss Name> pulls out an axe with a blade the size of a car door, and does pretty much what you would expect someone to do with an axe that size. Or any size, really. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ugh! Ugh! Argh! Argh! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

<Boss Name> smashes the ground with his fist, creating a huge, slow-moving, easy-to-jump-over shockwave.

<Boss Name> pulls out an axe with a blade the size of a car door, but fortunately an axe that size is not the fastest weapon in the world.

<Boss Name> pulls out a humongous sword, and wooshes from one side of the room to the other, slicing everything in his path. Well, everything except for you.

<Boss Name> pulls out a giant sword, and starts spinning around like a whirlwind. After a while, he starts to look dizzy.

<Boss Name> opens a little door on his chestplate, and shoots a laser beam at you. Fortunately, you aren't too distracted by the ridiculousness of this to dodge.

<Boss Name> pulls out a bow, and starts shooting arrows around the room at regular, easy-to-dodge intervals.

<Boss Name> summons a bunch of <minion type> minions to beat you up, and they end up getting in his way and taking the brunt of his attacks for a while.

A bunch of pointy spikes pop out of the ground, but fortunately you're not foolish enough to stand on the obvious grid of holes in the floor.

<Boss Name> roars really loudly, causing stone blocks to fall from the ceiling in several places around the room; fortunately, none of them are where you happen to be standing.

Fumble Message:

<Boss Name> pulls out an axe with a blade the size of a car door, but fortunately an axe that size is not the fastest weapon in the world. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Upon defeating him:

<Boss Name> crashes to the ground with a howl. "I shall have my revenge!/I will return!/Noooo! Impossible!", he screams, and the ground begins to shake under you. The stones of the villain's lair crack and collapse as you run, and you leap from the structure just in time to avoid being buried in the wreckage alongside <Boss Name>.

Satisfied that you've seen everything that <Game Name> has to offer you, you crumple up the GameInformPowerDailyPro walkthru page and throw it away.

You acquire an item: fat loot token

One of the following, as described in your Walkthru:

You acquire an item: Helm of the Scream Emperor

You acquire an item: Cloak of Dire Shadows

You acquire an item: Sword of Dark Omens

You acquire an item: Shield of Icy Fate

You acquire an item: Greaves of the Murk Lord

You acquire an item: Boots of Twilight Whispers

You acquire an item: Belt of Howling Anger

You acquire an item: Gauntlets of the Blood Moon

Occurs at The GameInformPowerDailyPro Dungeon, Level 3.

Notes

The name, image, and introduction text of this monster are all randomly selected:
- Names follow the pattern of: ?
- Introductions are listed above.
- Images are randomly any of the following: