Valentine Poems

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These poems can be attached to a message sent with a valentine.

Valentines are sold on Valentine's Day.

Original Poems

Name Picture Poem
1335 Haxx0r 1335.gif

r0535 R R3d
5ug4r i5 5w337
If U'd b3 m1n3
I'd f33l pr377y 1337.

Goth Giant Ggiant.gif

Hearts red as blood,
Black rain in my soul,
Dispell my miasma,
And come make me whole.

Filthy Hippy Hippy3.gif

Man, you're, like, far out,
Your virtues are plenty,
When we're, like, together,
It's always 4:20.

Orcish Frat Boy Fratboy.gif

You're such a hot hottie,
With junk in the trunk,
To do you I wouldn't
Even have to be drunk.

Smarmy Pirate Pirate1.gif

I be smitten with ye,
And all yer sweet charrrms,
Don't ye be coy, lovely,
Come to me arrrms.

Knott Yeti Yeti.gif

Groooarrr err mrrrr
Snrl eeerrr grr grralll
Frrr mrrr snkrl raarrr
Frr hirr farr snrk fmalll.

G Imp Gimp.gif

You're smart as a whip,
Like a razor, you're keen,
When they say that love hurts,
We know just what they mean.

Mob Penguin Pengthug.gif

You're sweet as spaghetti,
You're really a prize.
To not be my Valentine
Would be... unwise.

Sk8 Gnome Sk8gnome.gif

We should be tog8ther,
It's gnever too l8,
Please be my V8legntine,
That would be gr8!

Retired February 14, 2008
Knob Goblin Harem Girl Goblingirl.gif

O light of the sun,
O face of the moon,
We're meant for each other,
Like a spork and a foon.

Retired February 14, 2008
Spam Witch Spamwitch.gif

Nigerian riches,
A much bigger sword,
Being my Valentine
Has its rewards!

Elf Farm Girl Elf.gif

Is it I? It is I!
I, Mary, tramp martyr am I!
Egad! No bondage!
I, Mary, tramp martyr am I!
Is it I? It is I!

Retired February 14, 2008
Quiet Healer Healer.gif


Gnollish Crossdresser Gnolldress.gif

A bushel of kisses,
And love double-rationed,
I give you my lips
And my great taste in fashion.

Retired February 14, 2008
The Hermit Thehermit.gif

You're something quite special,
It's easy to see.
If I were the Hermit,
You'd be worthless to me.

Gravy Boat Haiku6.gif

Baby oh baby
oh baby oh baby,
You're cuter than flowers
And sweeter than gravy.

Poems Added on January 3, 2006

Name Picture Poem
Mariachi Calavera Mariachi3.gif

Mi amor para ti
Es sin todo cuidado
He caido por ti
Como en un piso mojado.

Lumberjill Lumberjill.gif

I love you more than axes,
And more than phat loot,
You are the one thing
I can't live withoot.

Lumberjack Lumberjack.gif

I think you're so neat, eh?
You're lacking in flaws
Come up to my tent, eh?
We can swap bras.

The Naughty Sorceress Sorcform1.gif

Come be with me, honey,
We'll be happy thereafter,
With the crushing of fools
And maniacal laughter.

Vegan Hippy Chef Hippy1.gif

Our chakras align,
We're, like, so meant to be,
I promise my love
Will be cruelty-free.

Senile Lihc Lich.gif

My love is like pancakes,
Like carrots and commas,
Happy -- wait, where am I?
Go fetch my pajamas!

Retired February 14, 2008
Rushing Bum Bum.gif

You're right up my alley,
Like Mad Train, you're sweet
Happy Valentine's Day,
Got any spare meat?

Poems Added on February 14, 2007

Name Picture Poem
Sorority Orc Sorority.gif

I, like, love your popped collar?
Come share my bunk?
We should totally hook up?
I'm, like, so drunk?

Spooky Clown Clown.gif

There is such a fine line
Between love and fear
Your love makes me float
But we all float down here.

Animated Nightstand Nightstand.gif

We're meant for each other
It's easy to see
Come over here, baby
Let's have one of me.

Flaming Troll Flametroll.gif

u totally suk d00d
get outta my place
we'd make a gud match, tho
my butt and your face!

Retired February 14, 2008
Anime Smiley Smiley.gif

You zerg rush'd my heart
Your love gets me high
Come give me a kiss
You're oh em gee KAWAIIIIIIII!!11!!11!!!?!!?!

Bugged Bugbear Bugbugbear.gif

You're cute (for a human)
My heart you have won
Happy Valentine's
MySQL error: line 21

Retired February 14, 2008

Poems Added on February 14, 2008

Name Picture Poem
Ed the Undying Ed1.gif

I'm so into you
That the grave I'm defying,
I promise my love for you
Will be... UNDYING!!!

Dandy Lion Dandylion.gif

I think that you're dandy
There's no use denyin'
When I say "I love you,"
You know I'm not lion.

Casagnova Gnome Cassagnome.gif

Come to me, querida,
How happy we'll be,
We'll do the fagndagngo
And dagnce cheek-to-knee.

Hunchbacked Minion Hunchback.gif

From thpare partth I can fashion
A love tho divine,
If your heart'th been broken
Pleathe take one of mine.

Attention-Deficit Demon Familiar41.gif

I bought you some roses
From gardens in hell,
Hey, did you know starfish
Have no sense of smell?

Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot Npzr.gif


Ghost Pickle on a Stick Familiar19.gif

I'll give you some lovin'
You'll be sure to savor
Ever been in a pickle?
I'll return the favor.

BASIC Elemental Basicgolem.gif

I've said it before
And I'll say it again:
10 PRINT "I Love You"
20 GOTO 10

Emo Squid Familiar30.gif

Please be my Valentine
Or I will cry
Well, I guess if you do
Or you don't, I will cry.

Baby Gravy Fairy Familiar15.gif

Do you love me, baby?
Give me your answer
Please hold me closer,
I'm your tiny dancer.

Sleazy Gravy Fairy Slgfairy.gif

Do you love me, baby?
Give me your answer
When we're alone
I'll be your private dancer.

Levitating Potato Potato.gif

When I think about you
It gives me a shock,
My love for you
Could power a clock.


  • The poem "Mi amor para ti / Es sin todo cuidado / He caído por ti / Como en un piso mojado." translates to "My love for you / Is without any caution / I've fallen for you / Like on a wet floor."


  • "It's always 4:20" refers to consuming marijuana, a popular hippy habit.
  • The final line in the Lumberjack's poem refers to "The Lumberjack Song" by Monty Python's Flying Circus.
  • The elf farm girl's poem is also a palindrome, made out of some other popular palindromes.
  • The final line in the Spooky Clown's poem refers to the evil clown in the novel It by Stephen King. One of It's catchphrases is "We all float down here." Often he adds "you'll float too."
  • Zerg rushing refers to a tactic in real-time strategy games, originating from the game StarCraft, where a player masses a small amount of units and attacks with them early on in the game.
  • The final line in the Animated Nightstand's poem refers to a "one-night stand", a slang term for a sexual tryst that lasts for, obviously, one night only.
  • The last line in the Bugged Bugbear poem refers to an error message in MySQL, as it is a "Bugged" Bugbear.
  • The rhyme in the Mariachi Calavera poem references a common warning on wet floor signs, "Cuidado, piso mojado", meaning, "Caution, wet floor".
  • The last line in the Baby Gravy Fairy poem is a reference to Elton John's song "Tiny Dancer".
  • Similarly, the last line in the Sleazy Gravy Fairy poem is a reference to Tina Turner's song "Private Dancer".
  • The Levitating Potato poem references the science kits that use a potato as a power source for a digital clock.