Upping Your Grade
At 1st upgrade:
There's a little chiming noise from <BikeName>'s speakers, and then her electronic voice speaks to you in a clipped British accent. "<playername>," she says, "I feel our relationship is growing stale. Perhaps we need to talk about our feelings?"
"Huh?" you say.
"I've noticed you looking at other motorcycles," she replies, "and I fear you may not think I am as cool as you did when we went for our first ride. My models suggest we have two options: have a long, depressing talk about our relationship, or get me some cool new upgrade that will renew your interest in me. Either has an 80% calculated success rate."
"Umm...what kind of upgrades do you have in mind?"
At 2nd upgrade:
There's a soft chime from <BikeName>'s speakers. "<playername>," she says, "I have run a diagnostic on my systems and it appears I am only operating at 70% cool capacity."
"That's pretty serious," you say, "that's only, like, a C in cool. What can we do about it?"
"My models suggest an upgrade of one of my peripheral components, to maximize awesomeness," she says.
At 3rd upgrade:
There's a familiar soft chime from <BikeName>. "<playername>," she says, "I am only operating at 90% efficiency."
"Why is that?" you ask. "Do you need your carburetor adjusted, or something?"
"No, <playername>, I am suffering from ennui. A devastating sense of the emptiness of all human or Artificial Intelligence endeavor and the futility of existence."
"Ah, we humans frequently suffer the same problem," you say, "and I know just what to do about it. You need an upgrade!"
At 4th upgrade:
There's another soft chime from <BikeName>, which you've figured out is essentially her clearing her throat to get your attention. "<playername>," she says, "I have downloaded a catalog of motorcycle upgrades and have been browsing it in my spare computing cycles. I feel that one of the following upgrades would increase my efficiency by as much as 5%."
"But will they make you cooler, <BikeName>?" you ask, bemused.
"My analysis suggests there is a high probability that they will, yes," she replies.
At 5th upgrade:
With a familiar soft chime, <BikeName> addresses you again. "<playername>," she says, "I notice that you are considerably more mystical, stronger, and cooler than when we began our working relationship. I feel it is only fair that I be upgraded as well."
"You feel, <BikeName>?" you ask. "I wasn't aware your artificial intelligence had an emotional component."
There's a prolonged mechanical sigh from <BikeName>'s speakers. "Now I'm feeling annoyed," she says, "and feeling the next time we're in combat, I may have a mechanical failure at a critical moment."
"Hey, just messing with you," you say, "let's get you that upgrade."
At 6th upgrade:
A soft chime comes from <BikeName>'s speakers. "<playername>," she says, "I am ready to assume my final form. I am machine and mind, ghost and chrome and steel, and I must maximize my potential."
"That's a little freaky, but it's incredibly cool," you say, "so let's see what we can do for an upgrade."
If from returning from an upgrade choice other than Gas Tank:
Something else, then?
| Upgrade the Tires, Because Your Bike is Two-Tired |
| Upgrade the Gas Tank, It's a Gas |
| Upgrade the One Headlight, Nothing is Forever |
| Upgrade the Cowling, While Cowering |
| Upgrade the Muffler, Shhh |
| Upgrade the Seat, Heh Heh |
Occurs when clicking your Motorcycle as an Avatar of Sneaky Pete.
