Unoptimized database
| Unoptimized database | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1035 |
| Locations | CRIMBCO Cubicles |
| Hit Points | 10 |
| Attack | 10 |
| Defense | 10 |
| No-Hit | 20 |
| Initiative | 100 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | Indeterminate |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | Indeterminate |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting an unoptimized databaseThis database is seriously in need of some optimization. It'd be too optimistic to say that currently you can quickly search and retrieve data from it. It would also be optimistic to say that you're going to enjoy taking it apart and making it work better.
Hit Message(s):
You accidentally drop a table in an effort to back it up. As if that wasn't bad enough, when you dropped it it landed on your foot! Ow!
You forget to add an index to a table and have to wait several minutes for a simple query to run. You smack yourself in the forehead. A little too hard. Eek!
You convert some tables to a far more efficient storage format, but when you give yourself a high-five, you do it way too hard. Ow!
You bite your nails a little too hard while waiting for a painfully long query to finish. Eek!
Several of the hard drives crash at once in the database server, just as there's a massive power outage on the biggest shopping day of the year for your client. The stress hits you right in the <bung>. Oof!
You nearly drop a table by accident, but luckily there's a confirmation box.
You deftly reindex a hash table and heap some caches. Or something.
You make a client's report run more efficiently by deleting most of their data.
You take a bathroom break instead of working. Again.
You finally realize something: You don't care about databases. At all. Even a little bit. It's really liberating for a moment, but then you remember that they don't pay you to care. (FUMBLE!)
Boredom +1%
An elf on roller skates whizzes by and tosses you a ten-scrip note. "Keep up the good wooooo --" he says, as he barrels out of sight.
 | You acquire 10 CRIMBCO scrip |
Occurs at CRIMBCO Cubicles.
Notes
- This monster cannot be copied.
