Unemployed knob goblin

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Unemployed knob goblin
Monster ID 1000
Locations A Barroom Brawl
Hit Points 5
Attack 6
Defense 5
No-Hit 16
Initiative 0
Meat 12-18
Phylum goblin
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
beer lens
Bounty crumpled pink slip
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
unemployed knob goblin You're fighting an unemployed knob goblin

This is a knob goblin who was serving as an assistant to a knob goblin chef, but was fired after confusing sugar, salt, and rat poison one too many times (the knob goblins prefer rat poison as a garnish, not a seasoning). Now he just hangs out in the bar, looking at the ladies through his beer goggles, and starting fights with anyone who looks at him funny, like you just did.

Hit Message(s):

He smacks you with a wooden spoon. Wooden you like to never have that happen again? Ow!

He pulls out his neophyte grill tongs and grabs your throat with them. Improbably, the tongs are still red-hot. Argh! (hot damage)

He hits you with a ladle. It hurts a ladle bit. Oof!

He swings a drunken punch at your <thigh>, and misses. I mean, he still hits you in the <ear>, but at least he missed the <giblets>, right? Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

He pulls out his neophyte tongs and gives you a sound tong-lashing, while also giving you a slightly slurred tongue-lashing. You're not sure which is worse. No, wait -- being hit with metal tongs is definitely worse than getting yelled at. Eek!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to smack you with a wooden spoon, but you say, "I wooden do that if I were you."

He tries to grab you with his tongs, but you give him a sound tong-lashing.

He tries to hit you with a ladle, but never learned proper ladle handling skills.

He swings a drunken punch at your <bung>, and misses you completely.

Fumble Message:

He staggers off, mumbling something about 'draining the little goblin.' You sincerely hope he's talking about urination. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

If you are on the appropriate bounty hunt:

Document thumb.gifYou acquire a bounty item: crumpled pink slip
(X of 8 found)

If a beer lens drops (25% base chance, affected by +item modifiers):

  • You pick up the goblin's beer goggles -- they're pretty smashed up, but one of the lenses is still relatively intact.
Lens.gifYou acquire an item: beer lens


  • You pick up the goblin's beer goggles, but both of the lenses have been ground to powder by the ongoing barroom melee. [50% chance after the first 2 intact lenses in a day, 100% after the third]
Meat.gifYou gain 12-18 Meat (average: 15, stdev: 1.58)*
You gain 1.5 <substat>.

Occurs in a A Barroom Brawl


  • The probability of getting a beer lens message after the battle is 25%, and is affected by +item effects like any other (un-pickpocketable) drop. The first two lenses in a given day will always be intact. After two intact lenses, each lens has a 50% chance of being "ground to dust". Once a third intact lens has dropped, all subsequent lenses will always be ground to dust. The counter resets at rollover.
  • Beer lens is a conditional drop, so Yellow Ray effects will not force it to drop. But it still can drop independently after you annihilate monster with Yellow Ray, by releasing the boots, or by other means.
  • According to Jick, the drop mechanism for the lens is highly complicated, presumably the most complicated single drop in the game, as he put it in a special code block, rather than a conditional.