|This content has been retired and is no longer available in game.|
|Locations||Don Crimbo's Compound|
|Hit Points||Scales to 0.75*buffed Muscle|
|Attack||Scales to buffed Moxie+1|
|Defense||Scales to buffed Muscle+1|
|Monster Parts||body, flipper, foot, head|
|Quest||cardboard elf ear|
Who's the flightless waterfowl who's a sex machine for all the chicks? Who's the penguin who won't cop out when there's danger all about? Not this penguin. He's wearing an elf's pointy hat and shoes, in a pathetic attempt at disguise -- a pathetic attempt that seems to have fooled every elf he's met. Well, it's not like wrapping presents is rocket science, anyway.
He kicks you in the shins with his pointy elf shoes. So, y'know, he kind of kicks and stabs at the same time. Eek! Ugh! Ow! Ugh! Ooh!
He demonstrates his elven training by pulling several of your teeth. Before you ask: no, it isn't safe. Ooh! Ooh! Argh!
He smacks you with a flipper, at the end of which is a glove to make it look like he has hands. Ugh! Ouch! Oof! Ooh! Eek!
He stabs you in the <ankle> with his pointy hat. I'm not sure 'hatstab' is covered under your health insurance plan. Eek! Ouch! Ow! Ow! Argh! Argh! Ugh! Argh! Ooh! Eek!
He demonstrates the thoroughness of his elven training by wrapping you up like a Crimbo pressie. The only thing he gets wrong is he ties the bow around your neck so tight you can't breathe. Or, y'know, maybe that was the point. Eek! Ooh! Ow! Ouch! Eek!
He tries to kick you with his pointy elf shoes, but can't connect.
He tries to smack you with a flipper, but you easily jump out of the way.
He tries to pull some of your teeth, but his elven training is insufficient to the task.
He tries to stab you with his pointy hat, but finds out felt isn't all that sharp. And neither is he.
He tries to prove he's an elf by wrapping a pressie, but just ends up giving himself paper cuts on his flippers. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire 7?-12? Crimbux|
|You acquire an item: passable elf mask|
|You acquire an item: cardboard elf ear (100% chance)*|
Occurs at Don Crimbo's Compound.
- The number of Crimbux dropped seems to be unaffected by +item bonuses.
- "A sex machine to all the chicks" is how John Shaft, titular character from the 1971 film, is described by Isaac Hayes in his song "Theme from Shaft".
- The messages about pulling teeth refers to Hermey the elf. "No, it isn't safe" in the same hit message refers to the torture-by-dentistry scene in both the novel and film versions of Marathon Man.
- The image, the elf mask and the fact that the mask has fooled every elf the penguin encounters might be a reference to the Spy from Team Fortress 2.