Uncle P's Antiques

Uncle P's Antiques is a store in Bordertown. It is a thinly disguised front for the Penguin Mafia.

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Uncle P. Welcome to our Antique Store, which is absolutely, positively a legitimate establishment, and not a front for any sort of criminal activities. While our shop was sucked through that Eldritch Fissure we picked up some souvenirs. Perfectly inert, boring, decorative lumps of raw eldritch matter. Act fast!

Items Sold

Item:		Price:
	antique accordion	2,500
	Clancy's crumhorn (In Avatar of Boris.)	2,500
	fancy black tie	1,000,000
	fancy tophat	1,000,000
	fancy tuxedo pants	1,000,000
	'Villa' document	100,000,000
	Mr. Exploiter (no longer available)	1,000,000,000
	Mystery Raffle Ticket (no longer available)	10,000
	Mob Penguin protection contract (no longer available)	5,000
— In Limited Supply! Act Now! —
	antique painting of a landscape (no longer available)	60,000
	antique record album (no longer available)	9,000
	antique bottle opener (no longer available)	80,000
	antique 8-Bit Power magazine (no longer available)	60,000
	antique souvenir drawing (no longer available)	80,000
	antique pair of blue jeans (no longer available)	100,000
— Limited Supply of Souvenirs —
	just a lump of inert eldritch matter (no longer available)	5,000,000

History

• For a time, you could once purchase "favors" from the Mafia:

For 10,000 Meat, we will beat somebody up and break their knees.

• The victim received 10 Adventures of Beaten Up and Broken Knees.

For 20,000 Meat, we will beat somebody up and break both their knees and their familiar's knees.

• As well as being Beaten Up with Broken Knees, the victim received 10 Adventures of And Your Family, Too.

For 60,000 Meat, we will deliver the 20,000 Meat treatment to somebody, and up to three of their friends. If they have any friends, that is.

• The three friends were taken from the victim's contact list.

For 100,000 Meat, we will deliver "The Don's Special" to somebody. This one does some... permanent... damage.

• This gave the victim all three effects, caused them to lose some stats, and put a horse's head in their bed.

• At this time, Uncle P was selling protection contracts, each of which would cancel out one of the above "favors." For 5,000 Meat, they would tell you how many of these contracts your target had left.
• On November 14, 2004, the price of a Mr. Exploiter was halved to 500,000,000 Meat, and the 'Villa' document to 250,000,000 Meat.
• The shop was eventually destroyed by a herd of stampeding Yetis, but was resurrected by a Temporal Rift on October, 27 2005, but with only 'Villa' documents and Mr. Exploiters available (at their original prices).
• For Crimbo 2009, this location was used for Don Crimbo's Fundraising Drive.
• From December 25, 2009 to March 11, 2010, Uncle P's Antiques was closed. Trying to go into it yielded the message:

"Uncle P's is closed right now."

• Formerly located on the Wrong Side of the Tracks. Was relocated to Bordertown during the skeleton invasion.
• From November 1 to November 5, 2016, Uncle P's was swallowed by an Eldritch Fissure. When it returned on November 6, it carried Just a lump of inert eldritch matter. While undergoing a number of name changes during the event, it was later removed from the store.

Notes

• In a Zombie Slayer run, Uncle P's has burned down:

Uncle P's Antiques has been thoroughly torched. You suspect that the Penguins were probably always ready to do it, in case of federal investigation or a sudden need for insurance money.