Uncle P's Antiques

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Uncle P's Antiques

Uncle P's Antiques is a store in Bordertown. It is a thinly disguised front for the Penguin Mafia.

Mob Penguin Shopkeeper
Uncle P.

Welcome to our Antique Store, which is absolutely, positively a legitimate establishment, and not a front for any sort of criminal activities.

While our shop was sucked through that Eldritch Fissure we picked up some souvenirs. Perfectly inert, boring, decorative lumps of raw eldritch matter. Act fast!

Items Sold

Item: Price:
Backcordion.gif antique accordion Meat.gif 2,500
Clancy crumhorn.gif Clancy's crumhorn
(In Avatar of Boris.)
Meat.gif 2,500
Bowtie.gif fancy black tie Meat.gif 1,000,000
Tophat.gif fancy tophat Meat.gif 1,000,000
Tuxpants.gif fancy tuxedo pants Meat.gif 1,000,000
Guildapp.gif 'Villa' document Meat.gif 100,000,000
Mrexp.gif Mr. Exploiter
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 1,000,000,000
Raffle.gif Mystery Raffle Ticket
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 10,000
Guildapp.gif Mob Penguin protection contract
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 5,000
— In Limited Supply! Act Now! —
Lspainting.gif antique painting of a landscape
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 60,000
Antiquelp.gif antique record album
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 9,000
Antopener.gif antique bottle opener
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 80,000
8bitmag.gif antique 8-Bit Power magazine
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 60,000
Antiquedrawing.gif antique souvenir drawing
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 80,000
Bpcords.gif antique pair of blue jeans
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 100,000
— Limited Supply of Souvenirs —
Wad.gif just a lump of inert eldritch matter
(no longer available)
Meat.gif 5,000,000


  • For a time, you could once purchase "favors" from the Mafia:
For 10,000 Meat, we will beat somebody up and break their knees.
For 20,000 Meat, we will beat somebody up and break both their knees and their familiar's knees.
For 60,000 Meat, we will deliver the 20,000 Meat treatment to somebody, and up to three of their friends. If they have any friends, that is.
  • The three friends were taken from the victim's contact list.
For 100,000 Meat, we will deliver "The Don's Special" to somebody. This one does some... permanent... damage.
  • This gave the victim all three effects, caused them to lose some stats, and put a horse's head in their bed.
"Uncle P's is closed right now."


Uncle P's Antiques has been thoroughly torched. You suspect that the Penguins were probably always ready to do it, in case of federal investigation or a sudden need for insurance money.