Totally Malicious 'Zine
| Totally Malicious 'Zine | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1044 |
| Locations | CRIMBCO Cubicles |
| Hit Points | 10 |
| Attack | 10 |
| Defense | 10 |
| No-Hit | 20 |
| Initiative | 100 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | Indeterminate |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | Indeterminate |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a Totally Malicious 'ZineYou lean back in your chair, too unmotivated to do anything productive, but a little too wired to take a power nap. You settle for something that lets you switch your brain off but stay awake: the Totally Malicious 'Zine, a magazine full of glossy photographs and juicy gossip about famous people doing horrible things.
Hit Message(s):
You get a nasty, glossy papercut from one of the nasty, glossy pages filled with nasty, glossy people. Ugh!
You try to wrench your attention away from the magazine, but succeed only in pulling your neck muscles. Oof!
One of the pictures is of the Naughty Sorceress climbing indecorously out of a Bitchin' Meatcar. Yipe. Oof! (sleaze damage)
You stab your finger on one of the staples in the middle. You know, like milk and bread? Ouch!
One page has a profile and interview with smelly hobo extraordinaire Oscus, complete with a scratch and sniff panel. Y'know, "scratch" and "sniff" weren't commands. Eek! (stench damage)
You read an article about how the Knob Goblin King is secretly gay.
You read an article about the secret drama and infighting between the brothers of the Deep Fat Friars.
You read an article about how Don Pygoscelis threw a cell phone at his personal assistant.
You read an article about how the lead singer of Radioactive Child trashed a hotel room after a concert.
You take a few minutes to fill out the crossword puzzle in the back, pausing only to try and figure out which boss monster in the Kingdom has a four-letter word and a three-letter word in its name. (FUMBLE!)
Boredom +1%
An elf on roller skates whizzes by and tosses you a five-scrip note. "Keep slackin' off, and they DOCK ya!" he sneers, before skating away.
 | You acquire 5 CRIMBCO scrip |
Occurs at CRIMBCO Cubicles.
Notes
- This monster cannot be copied.
References
- A parody of the TMZ celebrity gossip website (which was never a magazine, but then, KoL doesn't have websites, per se...)
- The boss monster mentioned in the fumble message is most likely the Boss Bat.
