Tomb of the Unknown Your Class Here
- First time encountering the choice in The Unquiet Garves:
- As a Seal Clubber:
You turn down a cemetery path you hadn't tried yet, and at the end of it you find a small stone tomb with two crossed clubs engraved over the door. This must be the place!
The iron gate swings open easily, without even a creak, and the stone door behind it slides open on well-oiled hinges. It looks like your guildmates take pretty good care of the place, but it seems a little bit strange that it's so easy to get in. Although, your class leader said something about "tests", so maybe sending people out here is a regular initiation thing. If so, it sure beats having to swim across a lake with a candle in your butt. At least so far.
The tomb is pretty small inside, with just enough spaaace for a stone coffer and room to walk around it. The coffer is engraved with scenes of ancient Seal Clubbers beating the hell out of ancient and monstrous-looking seals -- and other enemies as well, but mainly seals.
There doesn't seem to be a name engraved anywhere on the coffer (though I guess if there was, it would be the Tomb of the Known Seal Clubber), but you do find a bronze plaque on the far end that has some writing on it.
It appears to be some kind of weird riddle:
The howling deafens hobbled, hamstrung,
eyes blinded by claw, the blood is frozen.
Our ancient enemy for always and ever.
Fighting for freedom from this foe.
Hmm. What's your answer to that?
| "The freezing Northlands weather." |
| "Boredom." |
| "Seals." |
- As a Turtle Tamer:
You turn down a cemetery path you hadn't tried yet, and at the end of it you find a small stone tomb with a turtle engraved over the door. This must be the place!
The iron gate swings open easily, without even a creak, and the stone door behind it slides open on well-oiled hinges. It looks like your guildmates take pretty good care of the place, but it seems a little bit strange that it's so easy to get in. Although, your class leader said something about "tests", so maybe sending people out here is a regular initiation thing. If so, it sure beats having to swim across a lake with a candle in your butt. At least so far.
The tomb is pretty small inside, with just enough spaaace for a stone coffer and room to walk around it. The coffer is engraved with scenes of ancient Turtle Tamers taming a variety of turtles, beating up poachers, and generally communing with the Turtle Spirits.
There doesn't seem to be a name engraved anywhere on the coffer (though I guess if there was, it would be the Tomb of the Known Turtle Tamer), but you do find a bronze plaque on the far end that has some writing on it.
It appears to be some kind of weird riddle:
See the TURTLE of enormous mass!
On your head, he saves your ass!
Even a child like you must sense
what, when good, is the BEST offense.
Hmm. What's your answer to that?
| "A turtle." |
| "Defense." |
| "Friendship." |
- As a Sauceror:
You turn down a cemetery path you hadn't tried yet, and at the end of it you find a small stone tomb with a bubbling saucepan engraved over the door. This must be the place!
The iron gate swings open easily, without even a creak, and the stone door behind it slides open on well-oiled hinges. It looks like your guildmates take pretty good care of the place, but it seems a little bit strange that it's so easy to get in. Although, your class leader said something about "tests", so maybe sending people out here is a regular initiation thing. If so, it sure beats having to swim across a lake with a candle in your butt. At least so far.
The tomb is pretty small inside, with just enough spaaace for a stone coffer and room to walk around it. The coffer is engraved with scenes of ancient Saucerors drawing power from The Source and the various Saucelementals that live there.
There doesn't seem to be a name engraved anywhere on the coffer (though I guess if there was, it would be the Tomb of the Known Sauceror), but you do find a bronze plaque on the far end that has some writing on it.
It appears to be some kind of weird riddle:
Sauces red, or white, or brown,
by neophyte or chef renown,
have one ingredient in common.
Some use tomato, some use almond,
egg white, cream, or leaf of bay,
pork fat, basil, Chardonnay;
But in each and every recipe,
what will a Sauceror always see?
Hmm. What's your answer to that?
| "A saucepan." |
| "Garlic." |
| "Power." |
- As a Pastamancer:
You turn down a cemetery path you hadn't tried yet, and at the end of it you find a small stone tomb with two crossed pasta spoons engraved over the door. This must be the place!
The iron gate swings open easily, without even a creak, and the stone door behind it slides open on well-oiled hinges. It looks like your guildmates take pretty good care of the place, but it seems a little bit strange that it's so easy to get in. Although, your class leader said something about "tests", so maybe sending people out here is a regular initiation thing. If so, it sure beats having to swim across a lake with a candle in your butt. At least so far.
The tomb is pretty small inside, with just enough spaaace for a stone coffer and room to walk around it. The coffer is engraved with scenes of ancient Pastamancers summoning various pasta elementals and generally messing around with the noodly fabric of the universe.
There doesn't seem to be a name engraved anywhere on the coffer (though I guess if there was, it would be the Tomb of the Known Pastamancer), but you do find a bronze plaque on the far end that has some writing on it.
It appears to be some kind of weird riddle:
You summon spaghetti, all covered with cheese,
to hasten the demise of your enemies.
A noodle entangles, and spaghetti spears,
But what is your power that everyone fears?
Hmm. What's your answer to that?
| "Unlimited breadsticks." |
| "Spaghetti breakfast." |
| "Binding pasta thralls." |
- As a Disco Bandit:
You turn down a cemetery path you hadn't tried yet, and at the end of it you find a small stone tomb with a disco ball engraved over the door. This must be the place!
The iron gate swings open easily, without even a creak, and the stone door behind it slides open on well-oiled hinges. It looks like your guildmates take pretty good care of the place, but it seems a little bit strange that it's so easy to get in. Although, your class leader said something about "tests", so maybe sending people out here is a regular initiation thing. If so, it sure beats having to swim across a lake with a candle in your butt. At least so far.
The tomb is pretty small inside, with just enough spaaace for a stone coffer and room to walk around it. The coffer is engraved with scenes of ancient Disco Bandits busting some rad dance moves, though most of them are hopelessly out of fashion now. Who does the Lindy Hop anymore?
There doesn't seem to be a name engraved anywhere on the coffer (though I guess if there was, it would be the Tomb of the Known Disco Bandit), but you do find a bronze plaque on the far end that has some writing on it.
It appears to be some kind of weird riddle:
Well, you can tell by the way I use my knife,
mine's a Disco Bandit kind of life.
Cuttin' punks, and bustin' thugs,
bustin' moves and cuttin' rugs.
So now who's the one they can't ignore?
Who's the slickest on the floor?
When all the rest are talkin' jive,
Who's the one that stays alive?
Hmm. What's your answer to that?
| "Me. Duh." |
| "The guy who invented the Lindy Hop." |
| "Sneaky Pete." |
- As an Accordion Thief:
You turn down a cemetery path you hadn't tried yet, and at the end of it you find a small stone tomb with an accordion engraved over the door. This must be the place!
The iron gate swings open easily, without even a creak, and the stone door behind it slides open on well-oiled hinges. It looks like your guildmates take pretty good care of the place, but it seems a little bit strange that it's so easy to get in. Although, your class leader said something about "tests", so maybe sending people out here is a regular initiation thing. If so, it sure beats having to swim across a lake with a candle in your butt. At least so far.
The tomb is pretty small inside, with just enough spaaace for a stone coffer and room to walk around it. The coffer is engraved with scenes of ancient Accordion Thieves stealing accordions, mainly from annoyed-looking mariachis.
There doesn't seem to be a name engraved anywhere on the coffer (though I guess if there was, it would be the Tomb of the Known Accordion Thief), but you do find a bronze plaque on the far end that has some writing on it.
It appears to be some kind of weird riddle:
A sonata, sotto voce,
with movement pianissimo;
When all the loot's gone missing, oh,
but there's not a sign of foul play.
Treasure stolen, pizzicato --
feels like you've won the lotto --
and this weapon's obbligato
for your nocturne escapade.
Hmm. What's your answer to that?
| "Stealth." |
| "Music." |
| "An accordion." |
- When saying the wrong answer:
You say what seems like a pretty reasonable answer, but nothing happens. So you say it again, louder.
...Nope.
Grumbling, you poke around the tomb a little more, finding nothing, and eventually decide to come back and try again later.
- When returning after giving the wrong answer:
You enter the Tomb of the Unknown <class> and head around back of the engraved stone coffer, where the bronze plaque was. It's still there, and still says the same thing:
<riddle>
- When saying the right answer:
You say what you're pretty sure is the correct answer, and in response there's a loud grinding noise. The lid to the stone coffer slowly moves aside, revealing a hidden staircase leading down underground.
Looks like you were right! You pump your fist, or do a touchdown shuffle, or whatever your preferred gesture celebrating success happens to be, and then you carefully climb down the stairs.
The stairs proceed down for about twenty or thirty feet, bringing you to a short stone tunnel leading to another small room containing a stone coffer (although this time the coffer is up against the wall, so there's a bit more room to move around in here.)
Also in this room is a ghost -- as you enter, she casually hops down from where she was sitting on top of the coffer, and gives you a wave.
"Hello," she says in a whispery and ghostly, but also friendly, voice. "Excuse me not shaking hands, but since I'm non-corporeal, I find the attempt just makes things kind of awkward and dumb."
"No problem," you reply. "You must be the Ghost of the Unknown <class>."
"In the total lack of flesh. And since you solved the riddle, I hereby designate you an official and fully-fledged <class>, with all the rights and privileges thereof, yadda yadda. Congratulations!"
"Great, thanks!" you say. "Does that mean I can have the Epic Weapon?"
The ghost looks a bit taken aback. "Wow, no. That's a whole other can of worms. How do you even know about that?"
"The head <class> back at the guild sent me here to get it. Apparently I need it to reforge the Legendary Epic Weapon and defeat a Nemesis I didn't know I had to reclaim some stolen artifact or something. I have not actually been given much in the way of details."
"Hmm." The ghost taps her chin thoughtfully. "Well, that's a real turnip for the books. Okay, I can let you have the Epic Weapon, but there's a second test you have to pass first."
"What's that?" you ask.
Her knuckles make distant ghostly popping sounds as she cracks them. "You have to fight me. And I can't go easy on you, so you'd better bring your A game."
| Uh-oh. |
The Unknown Seal Clubber  -- (edit metadata)
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- If you lost against The Unknown <class>:
You enter the Tomb of the Unknown <class>, and head back downstairs to where the ghost is waiting.
"Hey there," she says. "Sorry about that beating I gave you, but rules are rules. If you want the Epic Weapon, you really have to earn it. Are you ready for another try?"
| Nope. |
"Umm..." you say, "Let me get back to you on that."
"No problem," she shrugs. "I've got all the time in the universe. And since I'm already dead, the urgency of whatever your quest is doesn't really apply to me."
"Don't you get bored hanging around in this little tomb all the time?" you ask him.
"Nah, not at all. I'm not stuck in here, I pretty much have the run of the cemetary. I hang out with the Unknown Ghosts of the other five classes a lot."
"Cool, cool." you say. "Okay, well, I'll be back for that rematch in a bit."
| Okay. |
- After defeating The Unknown <class>:
"I give!" the ghost says, backing up with her hands raised. "Whew, you've got the stuff, all right. If I still had, like, muscles, I bet it would be a different story, but you won fair and square. The Epic Weapon's yours."
"Where is it?" you ask. "In the coffer?"
"No, that's just my bones and stuff. And before you get any funny adventurer ideas, they're mine and you can't have them."
"Okay, okay. So where is it?"
The ghost floats over to the wall and points. "There's another tunnel behind this wall. Push this brick here."
You push the brick, and a section of the wall grinds open, revealing a tunnel leading to another small room.
- As a Seal Clubber:
The room is dimly-lit, with just a few flickering candles illuminating engraved scenes of a Seal Clubber with a stone hammer vanquishing all sorts of enemies (but mostly seals).
- As a Turtle Tamer:
The room is dimly-lit, with just a few flickering candles illuminating engraved scenes of a Turtle Tamer with a turtle-shaped flail and a legion of turtle allies vanquishing an army of assorted enemies.
In the center of the room is a carved stone plinth, and on the plinth is an ancient stone hammer. Without even touching it, you can sense that it's an extremely powerful artifact.
- As a Pastamancer:
The room is dimly-lit, with just a few flickering candles illuminating engraved scenes of a Pastamancer waving a pasta spoon and summoning wave upon wave of various noodles and thralls to destroy an army of monsters.
In the center of the room is a carved stone plinth, and on the plinth is an ancient pasta spoon. Without even touching it, you can sense that it's an extremely powerful artifact.
- As a Sauceror:
The room is dimly-lit, with just a few flickering candles illuminating engraved scenes of a Sauceror holding up a glowing saucepan and raining fiery destruction upon their enemies.
- As a Disco Bandit:
The room is dimly-lit, with just a few flickering candles illuminating engraved scenes of a Disco Bandit with a glowing banjo busting both moves and heads with style and precision.
In the center of the room is a carved stone plinth, and on the plinth is an ancient banjo, covered with tiny glittering mirrors like a disco ball. Without even touching it, you can sense that it's an extremely powerful artifact.
- As an Accordion Thief:
The room is dimly-lit, with just a few flickering candles illuminating engraved scenes of an Accordion Thief playing a glowing accordion, and legions of enemies (mostly bankers and wealthy collectors of fine art, you're guessing) cowering in fear.
- All classes:
"<classweapon>," the ghost says. "Pretty good, eh?"
"It's incredible," you say in an awed tone.
"Most of what you're sensing is potential, but yeah." She glances at her wrist. "Okay, I've got a poker game to get to. Good luck with your quest thing, right?"
"Thanks," you say. "See you around." The two of you wave, and she floats through a wall and disappears.
| Examine <classweapon> |
A combination of reverence and caution makes you hold your breath and put your hands behind your back as you lean forward to minutely examine the ancient <classweapon>. It's not just the awe of being presented with such a powerful and important artifact that makes you wary of disturbing it, it's the fact that you've only been through two trials to get here.
If there's one thing you know as an adventurer, it's that there are always three trials.
Picking up one of the candles and crouching down to view the plinth at eye-level, you carefully blow away some of the dust. There's what you were looking for -- an almost-invisible hairline crack running around the circumference of the plinth surface, about an inch from the edge.
It must be a pressure-plate. If you pick up <classweapon>, the difference in weight will trigger some sort of horrible trap, just like in a movie. You need something to swap for the <classweapon>, something almost exactly the same weight.
A <class starter weapon> would do the trick, you estimate.
| Check your pack |
- If you don't have a starter weapon:
You root around in your pack for a while, but can't find a spare <class starter weapon>. Rats.
You consider improvising, like with a bag of sand or something, but there's basically no way that would work.
With a sigh, you head back out of the tomb to see if anyone at the guild has one.
- If you have a class starter weapon:
You look in your pack and pull out your <class starter weapon>. Your eyes flick back and forth from it to <classweapon>, trying to judge their relative weights. Close enough, you wager.
Holding your breath again, you hold the <class starter weapon> next to the <classweapon>, just above the surface of the plinth. You carefully grasp the <classweapon> with your other hand, count to three... and...
| Switch |
Without even waiting to see what happens, you're sprinting down the hall and up the stairs, with <classweapon> clutched tightly in both hands. About a tenth of a second after you dive out of the door of the tomb, there's a massive KER-THOOM! noise and a thick cloud of dust billows out of the door after you.
Whew! Talk about close. But you've successfully recovered <classweapon>, and that's certainly something. Better take it back to your guild -- maybe they'll actually tell you what's going on with this whole Nemesis deal.
- After retrieving the class weapon:
You head back to the Tomb of the Unknown <class>, but the stairs down are completely filled with rubble.
For a moment you hope the ghost is okay, but then you remember: ghost. Right.
Occurs at The Unquiet Garves. After the first encounter, you can access it directly from The Misspelled Cemetary.
Button order is randomized.
Weapons:
- Seal Clubber: Class weapon is Bjorn's Hammer, class starter weapon is seal-clubbing club. Riddle answer is
| "Boredom." |
- Turtle Tamer: Class weapon is Mace of the Tortoise, class starter weapon is turtle totem. Riddle answer is
| "Friendship." |
- Pastamancer: Class weapon is Pasta of Peril, class starter weapon is pasta spoon. Riddle answer is
| "Binding pasta thralls." |
- Sauceror: Class weapon is 5-Alarm Saucepan, class starter weapon is saucepan. Riddle answer is
| "Power." |
- Disco Bandit: Class weapon is Disco Banjo, class starter weapon is disco ball. Riddle answer is
| "Me. Duh." |
- Accordion Thief: Class weapon is Rock and Roll Legend, class starter weapon is stolen accordion. Riddle answer is
| "Music." |
If you don't have a starter weapon (e.g. because you smithed it), talk to the quest giver at the guild to get a new one.
Notes
- Defeating the ghost and acquiring your Epic Weapon costs 2 adventures.
