To Meet a Gourd
A tremendous gourd rests on a marble plinth in the middle of nowhere, its mottled green and orange skin seeming almost to glow in the strange half-light of... wherever this is. You approach it curiously yet cautiously, and as you reach out to touch it, a deep sonorous voice speaks directly into your mind.*
"Adventurer!" it booms, "your arrival is fortuitous, and not a moment too soon! My enemies have surrounded us -- we are beset on every side!"
"What's going on?" you ask, baffled.
"Conspiracy!" the Gourd roars. "These wretched beings have plied their trade in shadow and secrecy for far too long, and only I can force them into the light! Only I can draw back the curtain on these foul cabals and consortiums, only I can reveal their dark plans and plottings!"
"You're talking about secret societies? The Illuminati, that sort of thing?"
"The Bavarian Illuminati is only a single spider in this web of intrigue, adventurer! The groups that seek to destroy me are numerous as a nest of malign wasps, but to effect my silence they have banded together and recruited an army of the foulest demons known to mankind!"
"Gosh," you say.
"Gosh indeed, adventurer. But Lady Luck has smiled upon us this day -- your arrival will put an end to this dire siege! Are you prepared to offer your life in my defense?"
"Uh..."
"Hesitate not, noble warrior! The secrets of the universe will be yours, should you succeed!"
"Hm. Well, okay, if they're really good secrets."
"Capital!" booms the Gourd. "Our enemies arrive even as we speak! Prepare yourself, adventurer, for you are my final line of defense! Are you ready to earn your position in the annals of History?"
* The Gourd is voiced by English comedian Matt Berry, of "The IT Crowd", "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace", and "Snuff Box" fame.
| Let me at 'em! (6 adventures) |
Fight a series of 6 random opponents in a row, picked randomly from:
After you beat one, it gives:
- As your opponent crashes to the ground, you turn your attention to the next one.
or As the assassin falls, you turn to challenge another one.
Or, after 6 fights:
| Gimmie just a minute... |
"Button up your sphincter!" the Gourd shouts. "Our foes will grant us no quarter!"
- Occurs on your first turn in The Gourd
Notes
- Selecting "Gimmie just a minute..." does not cost any adventures.
