The Unbearable Supremeness of Being
You walk into a bar in the Seaside Megalopolis, wishing briefly that you were a priest, a rabbi, and a stripper, so that this bit of text would be funnier. You belly up to the bar. Then you stand up and lean your elbow on the bar, because that makes a lot more sense. You summon the barkeep, a grizzled old alien with three arms for optimum drink-mixing. "I'm looking for the Supreme Being," you say. "I don't suppose you have any idea where I can find him? I've looked all over hell and half of breakfast."
"What a bizarre turn of phrase," the barkeep says. "But yes. She's in here most nights, whooping it up and whatnot. See that girl with the bright orange hair? The one who looks like she's wearing an outfit designed by virginal nerds? That's her."
"That's the Supreme Being? But she's a girl!"
The barkeep shrugs all three shoulders. "You were expecting a reassuring-voiced black guy or something? Anyway, I hope you have a good opening line, because she's not easy and you're not her type."
You walk up to the Supreme Being and tap her on the shoulder.
|Try a line|
- Without a Supreme Being Glossary in your inventory:
The Supreme Being swings around and you look deep into her eyes. "Um," you say. "Do you live around here often, or are you just happy to see me?"
She narrows her eyes at you. "Senno ecto gammat," she says, and walks away. What does that even mean? You're so disappointed that you dance with some other girl for a while. That'll show her!
|You gain 35 Fortitude.|
You gain 35 Sarcasm.
- With a Supreme Being Glossary in your inventory:
The Supreme Being spins around and looks deep into your eyes. Entranced, you can barely stammer "Ikset-kiba. Me imanetaba oum dalat," from your Supreme Being Glossary. Near as you can tell, it means, "your father must have been one who made bread, because your gluteal muscles are pleasing to the eye."
She smiles, and nods her head.
"So, what should I call you? I'm Decken."
"Owah Taygoo-siam Fersee Rius Mang."
"That's cute," you say. "That whole thing's your name? Do you have a shorter name?"
"So, Jill, Korneelleeoos said that you could help me find the Sixth Element.Do you understand?"
"Of course I understand," Jill says, in fluent English. "I learned your language in the past five minutes. I know where the element is, but we'll have to go offworld to get it. Meet me at the Desert Beach Spaceport." And with that, she gives you a kiss and scampers off. Homina-homina.
|You gain 75 Beefiness.|
You gain 75 Enchantedness.
You gain 75 Sarcasm.
Occurs at Seaside Megalopolis.
- The Unbearable Lightness of Being is a much-overrated book by Milan Kundera which was made into an interminable film.
- The Fifth Element is a film by Luc Besson which features just such a scantily-clad gibberish-spouting orange-haired hottie as the supreme being.
- A reassuringly-voiced black guy is usually Morgan Freeman, who played the Supreme Being in Bruce Almighty.
- The bartender "with three arms for optimum drink-mixing" is possibly a reference to Zaphod Beeblebrox, who in the The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy film uses his three arms for just such a purpose.
- Jill's full name, spoken aloud, sounds like: "Oh what a goose I am. For serious, man." Her folks were mean. The reference is to an old children's game, explained here: .