The Terrible Pinch

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The Terrible Pinch
Monster ID 1134
Locations The Maelstrom of Lovers
Hit Points 1000
Attack 150
Defense 135
No-Hit 160
Initiative 100
Meat None
Phylum humanoid
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts head, arm, legs, torso
lecherous stone
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
The Terrible Pinch You're fighting The Terrible Pinch

In the Maelstrom of Lovers, all lover-wraiths flinch,
When they're blown past this demon, the Terrible Pinch.
For the Pinch is tormented by lust that's gone sour,
He's loveless and cranky and nasty and dour!
So he shakes his Pinch fist and he stomps and he shouts:
"They're in a wind tunnel, but still their love sprouts!
"They love without bodies! They love without danglers!
"They love without snoobles, vim-varmies, and banglers!"
He snorts and he shakes with contempt for them all
(Perhaps something of his is two sizes too small).

Miss Message(s):

The Pinch wants to pinch you and make you start screaming,
But you just insist that you're sure you're not dreaming.

He tries to kick you in your junk, but he fails,
So your junk stays unkicked while that evil Pinch wails.

He tries to smack you with one green Pinchy fist,
Then sourly grumps when he sees that he's missed.

He pinches your cheek, but it hurts not a bit,
Which throws the Pinch into a bit of a snit.

Fumble Message:

He tries to pinch you, but he can't pinch an inch!
You're a terrible pincher, you Terrible Pinch! (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Sstone lecherous.gifYou acquire an item: lecherous stone (100% chance)*

Occurs at The Maelstrom of Lovers


  • On his first attack in combat the Pinch will summon imps:
A tiny imp swarm clouds the air by the Pinch,
And he grabs an imp that's 'bout the size of a finch,
Saying, "imp! now protect me! Attack most imperiously!
"When you're done, heal me! Go do it, now! Seriously!"
  • Once summoned imps may attack:
The swarm of imps swarms you and bites all your parts!
They bite legs, arms, head, neck, and knees! It really smarts!
  • In subsequent rounds the Pinch may summon more imps:
The Pinch adds more imps to the swarm he commands,
They look set to attack at a wave of his hands!
  • Imps initially cause 5% of your maximum HP in damage, but this scales with the size of the imp swarm:
Imp summonings Damage
1 5%
2 20%
3 50%
4 100%
  • Imps may also heal an injured Pinch:
The imps fly back up to the Pinch with your blood,
Which they pour out on top of him like a red flood!
"Huzzah!" cries the Pinch, "thank you for this red shower!
"I'm feeling quite great and I'm growing in power!"
  • Using a jar full of wind will remove his imps (although he will then start summoning them again).


  • If it isn't obvious, this is a homage to Dr. Seuss' The Grinch.