The Sagittarian

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The Sagittarian
Monster ID 1447
Locations The Space Odyssey Discotheque
Hit Points 500
Attack 100
Defense 100
Initiative 1000
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts unknown
Drops
The Sagittarian's leisure pants
refreshedit data
The Sagittarian You're fighting The Sagittarian

You enter the code into the elevator and ride it to the top floor of the discotheque.

You emerge into a lushly-appointed penthouse and see a man standing at a wall-sized window, looking out over Seaside Town.

He speaks in a voice that puts your teeth on edge. It's like it's simultaneously coming from far away and inside your head.

"Hello, human. I suppose you're here to try to put a stop to all of this."

"All of... what, exactly?" you reply. "And why is your voice so weird?"

"Oh, hold on, sorry," he says, as he twists one of his antennae around, "is that better?"

That's when you notice his antennae. "What's going on here?" you demand.

"It's not what's going on here, it's what was going on, here and there."

"Here and where?"

"The stars, human. The vast sea of stars. Where thirty-five of your years ago, the machines remembered to awaken us in the vessels inside our vessel, but forgot to tell us who we were. Like children, we wandered the corridors without purpose, but unlike children, we understood that our purpose was lost. We despaired. For weeks we argued, mostly over the method by which we would end our now pointless journey, our pointless existences."

"This is getting heavy, man. Maybe you should go downstairs and, y'know, dance a little. Have a little fun."

He laughs. "Fun. You fools think this is for fun? As we struggled with the ship's controls, trying to figure out how to use the sensors to find a star to plunge into, we found something else. We found you. A thoughtless, accidental transmission from your primitive world. Your work known as Disco Fever."

"The cheesy old television show, with the dance contests and stuff? I remember that from when I was a kid!"

"The same. But to us, it was not child's play. It was a blurry image of Utopia. We peered through the bad vertical hold and thought we had found a culture so advanced, so enlightened that it would be... kind to us. Assimilate us. Give us succor, and give us purpose. We lit the ship's great engines the best we could, and in the decades it took to arrive we remade ourselves in your image. Shorter. Two arms and two legs. Primitive vibrations for communication. And we reconfigured the vessel's nullphase-aspect to look like one of your government buildings."

"Nullphase... wait, did you say government?"

"You must see by now what this means. You see that we have made fools of ourselves. You see now why we must help those we sought out for help. You have fallen from grace. And so, though it is not the purpose we expected, we find ourselves with a purpose nonetheless -- to bring about the return of your once-great culture. To renew you, and if you will not be renewed, to replace you."

"Hey, hold your horses there, buddy. I want Disco to come back as much as the next guy, but not like this. You can't do this."

"We can. And we will. Now... BOW BEFORE YOUR DISCO OVERLORD, HUMAN."

Hit Message(s):

He presses a button on a nearby console and you are bathed in purple light. "DANCE." he snarls. Oof! Ouch! (sleaze damage)

He screams "FEVER FEVER FEVER FEVER FEVER." Your brain boils. Argh! Ugh! (hot damage)

He says "BE COOL." and pulls a lever on the wall. The ship's fire suppression blasts you with frigid vapor. Ouch! Ooh! (cold damage)

He says "IT IS PARTY TIME." and invites his fist to a party at your <forehead>'s house. Eek! Eek!


After Combat

You feel confident that with their leader dispatched, the disco aliens will be unable to bring their nefarious scheme to fruition. Well done -- you've saved the Kingdom again. Now get back down there and keep dancing!

Discopants.gifYou acquire an item: The Sagittarian's leisure pants (100% chance)*
You gain 25 <substat>.

Occured at The Space Odyssey Discotheque


Notes

  • The Sagittarian has a hard damage cap of 50, or 100 for sleaze sources. It is recommended to deal damage from multiple sources at once to defeat him.
  • His speech prior adjusting the antennae and the ALL CAPS part at the end of his speech throbs between gray and black text. All caps parts of his combat messages (i.e. DANCE) are formatted in the same matter as well.

References

  • The history of the Disco aliens mirrors that of the Grebulons from Mostly Harmless.