The Portal to Horrible Parents
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There are some vague or non-exact figures and information on this page. Some spading is required.
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- If you've already visited five families with this mask use:
- Otherwise:
The huge gold frame that contains the portal is very impressive, but the portal itself shows only murky visions and is impassible right now. Which is a good thing -- it reminds you that you should visit the village for supplies before you start any child-bartering!
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| Look into the Portal |
You peer through the portal into a house full of activity. Children are everywhere! The portal lets you watch them and their parents without fear of being noticed. You see <some action performed>. You watch some of the many children play for awhile, and then you see <another action performed>. You're distracted by yet more kids romping around, and when you look back you see <a third action performed>. Then the portal shimmers and you see no more.
Actions:
- You see the father/mother admiring a valuable collection of artistic nudes.
- You see the father/mother admiring a solid marble nude statue.
- You see the father/mother aggressively kissing her spouse.
- You see the father/mother angrily plucking stray eyebrow hairs.
- You see the father/mother asking one of the kids to find the remote control.
- You see the father/mother calling the dog over to lick french-fry grease off of his shirt.
- You see the father/mother checking for stretch marks while downing a huge chocolate shake.
- You see the father/mother checking out own her body and licking her lips seductively.
- You see the father/mother chowing down on a fistful of bacon.
- You see the father/mother counting his possessions.
- You see the father/mother collapsed deep in an easy chair, stifling a yawn.
- You see the father/mother collapsed in an overstuffed chair, curling her eyelashes.
- You see the father/mother eyeing her spouse lasciviously.
- You see the father/mother flipping through a lingerie catalog.
- You see the father/mother gold-plating a lily.
- You see the father/mother half-heartedly kicking at the cat when it comes too close.
- You see the father/mother kicking the dog, then making sure the kick didn't scuff his shoes.
- You see the father/mother licking an all-day sucker.
- You see the father/mother licking her lips sensually over a rack of ribs.
- You see the father/mother loading a jewel-encrusted pistol with golden bullets.
- You see the father/mother lying on the floor.
- You see the father/mother lying on the floor, calling his spouse to come give a kiss.
- You see the father/mother moaning softly.
- You see the father/mother plucking his/her eyebrows.
- You see the father/mother polishing a collection of solid silver daggers.
- You see the father/mother practicing pick-up lines on his own reflection in a window.
- You see the father/mother putting a fried egg on top of a cheeseburger.
- You see the father/mother putting a golden ring on each finger.
- You see the father/mother punching a hole in the wall of the house.
- You see the father/mother opening a family-size bag of Cheat-Os, not planning on sharing them.
- You see the father/mother reclined on the bed, idly peeping through the window to the neighbor's house.
- You see the father/mother reclined in an overstuffed chair eating a bag of bacon-flavored onion rings.
- You see the father/mother reclined in a chair, ordering stuff from the Home Shopping Network.
- You see the father/mother screaming at the television.
- You see the father/mother sleepily swiping at a whining kid.
- You see the father/mother sleeping soundly.
- You see the father/mother sprinkling extra cheese on a pizza already dripping with the stuff.
- You see the father/mother stubbing her toe on an ottoman then kicking it across the room.
- You see the father/mother studying a treasure map.
- You see the father/mother tearing apart an entire roasted chicken so hard the bones snap.
- You see the father/mother tearing down the blinds to peep out of the window.
- You see the father/mother putting in a teeth-whitening tray.
- You see the father/mother sleepily swiping at a whining kid.
- You see the father/mother telling everyone that the song on the radio is his/her.
- You see the father/mother throwing a bag of chips on the ground and stomping on it to open it.
- You see the father/mother trying to shortchange the maid who is washing the dishes.
- You see the father/mother trying to squeeze into a girdle.
- You see the father/mother using the remote control to turn the TV to the Beauty Channel.
- You see the father/mother writing a contract to make a high-interest loan.
About the observed actions:
- Of the three actions, two will be for one parent and one for the other.
- The actions can be duplicated.
| Walk into the Portal |
Before opening the portal:
The portal is still opening its magical connection, so walking through it doesn't do anything yet. You can peer through it to do some reconnaissance, though!
Afterwards:
You step through the portal and into the home. The adults seem a little surprised to see you, but no one's calling the cops just yet, so you take the opportunity to talk to them.
Takes you to Bartering for the Future of Innocent Children
| Return Home |
You walk away from the portal.
Returns you to Rumpelstiltskin's Home For Children
Occurs when you click "Portal to Terrible Parents" in Rumpelstiltskin's Home For Children.
Notes
- None of the options cost an adventure.
- You make look into the portal as many times as you want, at no cost.
- Returning Home without Walking into the Portal does not consume the portal charge, and can be done in order to create bartering goods before committing.
- Walking into the Portal and walking back out will exit this noncombat and provide 6 more combats in Ye Olde Medievale Villagee to gather resources.
