The Only Thing About Him is the Way That He Walks
In Whitey's Grove, you encounter a white guy. He appears to be upset.
"What's wrong?" you ask him.
"I can't dance," he whimpers. "Can you help me out?"
|Show him some moves|
You show him some moves.
"Whoah." he says. "I know the Funky Chicken."
|You gain 20-30 Cheek.|
|Show him a good time|
"Hey, it's all right," you tell the guy. "Let's solve this problem the way we solve all of our problems -- let's go get drunk!"
"O... okay," he sputters. "I heard there was a wine tasting going on today. Let's check it out."
You follow him deeper into the Grove, where you encounter something very disturbing. A group of people is sitting around a table laden with wine. Instead of drinking the wine, however, they repeatedly take sips and then spit them into a bucket. Between sips, they use words that are too pretentious for you to understand, and laugh smugly.
Enraged by this waste of perfectly good alcohol, you spring into action. Which is to say that you hit the people until they leave, and then take the remaining wine.
|You acquire 3 boxes of wine|
|Show him how easy it is to steal all of his stuff|
"Sorry, man, can't help you," you say, as you sneak around behind the guy and deftly rifle (and pistol) through his pockets.
Turns out to have been a waste of time, though, as all he had was a couple of NASCAR ticket stubs and this creepy wig.
|You acquire an item: mullet wig|
Occurs at Whitey's Grove.
- The name of this adventure is a reference to the Genesis song "I Can't Dance", in which the chorus begins, "I can't dance, I can't talk / the only thing about me is the way that I walk."
- The text of the adventure is possibly also a reference to the stereotype that white people can't dance.
- "...the way we solve all of our problems -- let's go get drunk!" is a reference to a series of sketches on Saturday Night Live, in which a character played by Mike Myers ran a shop called "All Things Scottish". In one sketch, Patrick Stewart plays a Scottish Therapist, who states that they will handle his anger issues "the way we handle all our problems, by getting bloody pissed (drunk)!"
- "Whoah. I know the Funky Chicken." is a reference to a similar line Keanu Reeves says in The Matrix.
- Mullet hairstyles and a predilection for NASCAR racing events are associated with working-class white Americans.
|Whitey's Grove Choice Adventures|
|Don't Fence Me In||The Only Thing About Him is the Way That He Walks||Rapido!|
|Whitewash the fence||Gain 20-30 Strongness||Show him some moves||Gain 20-30 Roguishness||Steer for the cave||Gain 21-30 Magicalness|
|Steal the fence||white picket fence||Show him a good time||3 boxes of wine||Steer for the trees||3 jars of white lightning|
|Jump the fence||piece of wedding cake and white rice (sometimes)||Show him how easy it is to steal all his stuff||mullet wig||Steer for the laundromat||white collar|