The Haiku Dungeon 1

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The Haiku Dungeon
The Haiku Dungeon

You notice a hidden corridor and duck down it.

or

You make your way further down the corridor.

You trudge down a series of twisty little passages, all alike. As you round a corner, you run smack into the protruding stomach of a pudgy caucasian ninja. He squints at you and whips a greasy ponytail back and forth as he shakes his head.

"You cannot pass me.
Pudgy caucasian ninja.
I will stop you cold,"

he mumbles.

Looks like you'll have to throw down with this dude to get past. Pop quiz, hotshot. What do you do?


Beat him with your weapon.

Your weapon unsheathed,
an epic fight has begun.
Your beatdown is swift.

You have failed the Most Extreme Haiku Dungeon Challenge

Kick him in the junk.

Face turns green like Spring,
fat ninja doubles over.
Bye, procreation.

or

Foot flies at hoevos.
This guy's fast, for a fatty.
Hello, cold stone floor.

You have failed the Most Extreme Haiku Dungeon Challenge

Try to bribe him with some Meat.

You cough up spare change,
this ninja has no honor.
He lets you go by.

or

You offer some Meat.
The ninjas honor impugned!
One big bruise is you.

You have failed the Most Extreme Haiku Dungeon Challenge

Occurs at The Haiku Dungeon (Does not occur after you have passed this stage of the Challenge).

Notes

  • Part of the Haiku Quest. If this is the first or third room you encounter, the correct response is the five-syllable "Kick him in the junk." If this is the second room, the correct response is the seven-syllable "Try to bribe him with some Meat." Either way, you move on, either to the next room or to successful completion of the quest.

References

  • The "series of twisty little passages, all alike" is a reference to the first computer adventure game, ADVENT, in which you might get lost "in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike."
  • The pudgy Caucasian ninja may be a reference to action movie star and martial artist Steven Seagal, who often sports a ponytail and, yes, has gotten a little pudgy.
  • The pudgy Caucasian ninja may also be a reference to the Chris Farley film, Beverly Hills Ninja about a pudgy white ninja.
  • The pudgy ninja could also be a reference to the Silverwolf Comics character The Fat Ninja.
  • The challenge name, "Most Extreme Haiku Dungeon Challenge," is likely a play on the television show Most Extreme Elimination Challenge.