The Elf Resistance Camp
From TheKolWiki
The Elf Resistance Camp (aka. An Encampment of Crimbo Elves) is located in the 2014 incarnation of Crimbo Town.
First visit on December 15, 2014:
- Greetings, adventurer, and welcome to E.R.F., the Elf Resistance Force. Once again, Uncle Crimbo has totally screwed up the holiday, and it's up to us to save it. He kept all those robots you helped him make last year, and he tried to get them to make toys. And of course they gained sentience, networked their little robot brains together, kidnapped him, and started working toward their own nefarious ends. Who could have seen that coming?
- We could. We did. But he never listens to us, the old drunken sot.
- Anyway, you can't go in there; the robots flooded the place with some gas that is deadly to carbon-based life forms but makes them, like, .5% more efficient or something. Our hacker Angelinadriel hasn't figured out how to deal with the gas yet, but she has figured out how to hijack the factory's Crimbot assembly facilities. Go see her and she'll explain what that means for you.
First visit on December 16, 2014:
- Welcome back to E.R.F., adventurer. Our reconnaissance and research continues, but we could still use some help in the factory itself. The more dirty work you do, the more we can focus on drafting a mission statement and bylaws for E.R.F. Right now, we're still stuck in sub-committee.
First visit on December 17, 2014:
- Welcome back to E.R.F., adventurer. My sub-committee is just about to vote on the 25th revision of the proposed E.R.F. bylaws, and if that vote goes ahead we can then use the procedures documented in the bylaws to draft nominees for an exploratory committee to research drafting a mission statement.
- Oh, and the robot factory is still totally a thing, too. We've made some progress in analyzing the results of your excursions, but we need more data.
First visit on December 18, 2014:
- Adventurer! We are all pleased you have chosen to return to E.R.F. Do you like that new greeting? I proposed it, and the other elves liked it so much that they fast-tracked it through three sub-committees, a full-council meeting, and a two-thirds vote! I couldn't be happier. I've also been selected to serve on the mission statement sub-sub committee, tasked with the first half of the statement! I'm the happiest elf on E.R.F.!
- We're still analyzing the data we're getting from your missions, too, so the more you explore, the closer we get to taking back Crimbo!
- Oh, and hey. We found this circuit diagram stuffed in between some of our conference call minutes from last month. Ha ha -- nobody ever reads those things!
 | You acquire an item: Crimbot schematic: Ribbon Manipulator |
First visit on December 19, 2014:
- Adventurer! We're so glad you are E.R.F.-bound! No, no, that doesn't sound right. I don't care what the quorum decided, we're going to have to vote on a new greeting. Let 'em filibuster if they want! Anyway, I've finished the first half of our mission statement: Actualizing Elvish Ingenuity to Maximize... well, the other sub-committee's going to do the other half. We've made some real progress with the results of your factory exploration, too, so keep it up!
First visit on December 20, 2014:
- Welcome back to E.L.F., adventurer! You may have noticed we changed our name to the "Elvish Liberation Force." We figured the acronym made more sense that way. I mean, the subcommittee wanted it to spell C.R.I.M.B.O., but we couldn't make it work. At least we've got the last half of our mission statement! It's: "Kicking In Robot Teeth." Of course, that doesn't make sense with the first part, so now we have to have another exploratory sub-committee to revamp the first part. At this rate, you're the best hope we've got for actually getting anything done, so keep up the good work!
First visit on December 21, 2014:
- Welcome to E.R.F., adventurer. The E.R.F. chairman vetoed all of our procedural changes over the last few days, so we're back to square one. He didn't even like our new mission statement. We'd form a quorum to get a vote of no confidence in the chairman, but that'd mean uniting all the different political factions and...oh, never mind. We'll just concentrate on using your data to build better robots to fight their robots!
- Oh hey, speaking of which. We found this in the archives tent. Maybe Angelinadriel could use this? Who knows. That kind of technical stuff is way above my pay grade.
| You acquire an item: Crimbot schematic: Data Analyzer |
First visit on December 22, 2014:
- Welcome to E.R.F., adventurer. We've started drafting a list of action items with an eye toward utilizing the robot schematics you've brought us to build our own robot to counter the threat. Now we just need to draft a sub-committee to elect a committee to begin the process of selecting builders, and we'll be good to go! Keep up the good work!
First visit on December 23, 2014:
- We're glad you're an E.R.F.-friendly adventurer, and we appreciate your continued support. Currently we're working on getting together an ad-hoc majority to filibuster the vote to re-elect our current chairman, so we can maybe get some new leadership. And before you ask, we're aware that bureaucracy is dragging down the movement, and we've elected an exploratory subcommittee to propose where we might cut some red tape. So keep up the good work!
First visit on December 24, 2014:
- Hello again, adventurer. I'd say "welcome to E.R.F.," but E.R.F. as we know it is no more. Last night we finally broke a filibuster to put forth a vote that we dissolve E.R.F. and start a new organization with less red tape and fewer by-laws! So it's a brand new day. Currently we're drafting our new, slimmer set of by-laws and hammering out some procedural details, and then it's off to fight some robots. We're also still processing the data you've been sending us, so keep it coming!
First visit on December 25, 2014:
- Good news, adventurer! The E.T.F. (that's Elvish Task Force, our new acronym) finally finished crunching the numbers and processing all the data you've collected. We've pinpointed the location of the artificial intelligence behind this whole robot nightmare! Now you can get in there and kick some metal behind! Just come talk to me when you're ready...
Subsequent visits on December 25, 2014, before defeating Crimbomega:
- The elves are all cheering excitedly about something. Angelinadriel runs up to you and says "<playername>! I've got the best news! I've finally figured out how to deal with the gas inside the factory!"
- "Great news! What's the plan?" you reply.
- "Well, I've been investigating a weird signal from inside the factory for a while, and I finally isolated its location and ran some scans. There is a Crimbot in there big enough to tear its way through the factory's exterior wall. All I have to do is push this button, and CRASH!"
- "So..." you reply, "the plan is to unleash a giant killer robot while simultaneously releasing a huge amount of poisonous gas into the atmosphere."
- "Yep!" She beams.
- NOTE: You will still be able to deploy Crimbots in the factory even after this final confronation.
- FURTHER NOTE: This does not make much narrative sense.
| Well... Okay. Let's do it. |
| Not just yet... |
Visit immediately after defeating Crimbomega:
- The ERF elves burst into applause as you approach. "Three cheers for <playername>, the savior of Elfkind! Hip hip Happy Crimbo! Hip hip Happy Crimbo! Hap hap Hippy Crimbo! Wait. I screwed up that last one."
Subsequent visits:
- Hey there, Adventurer. If you can bring us back some of the personal items that we lost when we had to evacuate the factory, we'll gladly trade you these worthle... I mean these valuable Crimbo Credits.
- We'll also take tailings from the Crimbonium mine off your hands, if you've got some extra. We use it to make rations for our operatives in the field.
You have:
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X/no peppermint tailings |
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X/no recovered elf toothbrush |
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X/no recovered elf magazine |
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X/no recovered elf sleeping pills |
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X/no recovered elf underpants |
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X/no recovered elf wallet |
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X/no recovered elf pocketwatch |
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X/no recovered elf photo album |
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X/no recovered elf smartphone |
Notes
- If one (or, say, three) of the daily first messages is missed, it will be given the next time the camp is visited, before that day's message.
