The Effervescent Fray
You find yourself on an ancient -- at least in your terms -- battlefield. Your ears ring with the clash of sword against shield and the screams of dying men and horses as arrows rain from the sky like, well, arrows. A short distance away, you see a small hill littered with bodies. Two squads of soldiers, one in red and one in blue, crouch on opposite sides of the hill, preparing for another skirmish. The leader of each squad appears to be trying to rally his troops.
Listen to the red leader |
The leader of the red squad surveys his men, each of them dishevelled and downcast, weary from the tide of war that has turned against them.
"There's just too many of them!" wails a young soldier. "We should run now, while we've got a chance!" The others mutter their assent.
"Aye, fight and you may die," their leader says. "Run and you will live, at least a while. And dying in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they can't beat the real thing!"
He raises a fist in the air, and shouts, "Always Cloaca-Cola!"
His troops, rallied, raise their swords with an excited cheer, and charge up the hill to engage their enemy. They fight bravely and well, but in the end, none are left standing.
Wiping a tear from your eye, you scavenge some spare clothing from a discarded backpack.
![]() | You acquire an item: Cloaca-Cola fatigues |
Listen to the blue leader |
The blue-uniformed soldiers are battered and weary, but nevertheless optimistic. Their eyes gleam as their leader speaks to them in tones of strength and power:
"Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our Dyspepsian dead.
In peace, there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger!
I see you stand like grayhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon such foundation
Cry 'Dyspepsi -- the choice of a new generation!'"
With a cheer, the troops run up the hill to engage their enemy. The battle is costly, but in the end they emerge victorious.
In their celebration, they don't notice as you make off with one of their spare shields.
![]() | You acquire an item: Dyspepsi-Cola shield |
Don't get involved |
You figure there's far too much valor around here, so you discreetly turn yourself invisible and watch the ensuing bloodshed from a safe distance away.
You gain 15 Magicalness. |
Occurs at A Battlefield.
References
- The Red Leader's speech parodies a speech given by William Wallace in the movie Braveheart, and references the "Coke is it!" advertising campaign.
- The Blue Leader's speech is a parody of a speech given by the title character of Shakespeare's play Henry V, and references the "Pepsi: the choice of a new generation" advertising campaign.
- The "Don't get involved" text plays on the expression "Discretion is the better part of valor."
- The adventure's title may be a reference to Diet Coke's "Effervescent" advertising campaign of 2004.
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A Battlefield Choice Adventures | |||||||
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The Effervescent Fray | Smells Like Team Spirit | What is it Good For? | ||||||
Listen to the red leader | Cloaca-Cola fatigues | Dyspepsi-Cola | Dyspepsi-Cola fatigues | Help the Dyspepsi soldier | Dyspepsi-Cola helmet | |||
Listen to the blue leader | Dyspepsi-Cola shield | Cloaca-Cola | Cloaca-Cola helmet | Help the Cloaca soldier | Cloaca-Cola shield | |||
Don't get involved | 15 Mysteriousness | Don't get involved | 15 Strengthliness | Don't get involved | 15 Smarm |