The Croquet Grounds (Turtle Tamer)

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The Croquet Grounds
The Croquet Grounds

You follow the map past the Coffee Grounds, past the Grounds for Dismissal, all the way to the Croquet Grounds. You join a line of surreal and off-putting anthropomorphic animals waiting to be requisitioned their flamingos and hedgehogs.

As you wait in line, your ears start to tingle. You close your eyes and listen hard, and you realize you can hear reptilian sobbing. It sounds like a turtle in distress, but there's a strangeness to the sound that makes you less sure of yourself.

Investigate the noise

You follow the sobbing until you find a most unlikely creature sitting by itself on a log, crying its little eyes out. It looks like a turtle from the neck down, but from the neck up it has the head of a calf. You're pretty sure it's one of the signs of the apocalypse, but you figure it's at least part turtle, so it's your duty to help it.

"What's the matter?" you ask.

"Oh, it's just that I made this tureen of beautiful soup to share with everyone," it says, "but they wouldn't let me sit at the table with them! They said I'm not a real turtle -- that I'm some kind of mutant! So I knocked them all down with my nunchuks, and now no one will play with me!"

"There, there," you say, "it'll be all right. Just apologize for beating them down, and let them know that if they call you names again, you'll have to apologize again after you kick the crap out of them again."

"*sniffle Thanks," the mock turtle says. "Here, have some of my soup."

You accept the bowl of soup, and the mock turtle wasn't kidding: that's not just hot soup, it's beautiful. You would hit that soup like a freight train.

Soupbowl.gifYou acquire an item: beautiful soup
Get your head in the game
croqueteer This monster is a Dude -- (edit metadata)
  • Item Drops: croquet hedgehog, flamingo mallet
  • Meat Drop: 40-60
  • Monster Level: Scales with player's Moxie (max 400) • Substat Gain: 25% of Monster Attack • Moxie for No Hit*: Scales with player's Moxie (max 400)
  • Monster Defense: Scales with player's Muscle (max 400)
  • Hit Points: 75% of Monster Defense
  • Initiative: 75
  • Elemental Alignment: None