The Council of Loathing/License to Adventure

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In the License to Adventure special challenge path, The Council of Loathing treats you as a secret agent.

  • Initial text:
Welcome, Agent. Your first mission should be to investigate the Toot Oriole. He lives atop Mt. Noob, in the Big Mountains.
  • After visiting the Toot Oriole, but before reading King Ralph's Note:
Welcome, Agent! It looks like you've got a mission to finish before assign you another. Some mail to read and burn, perhaps?
  • After reading King Ralph's note:
Agent <name>, good to see you. We don't have any missions for you, right this moment. Do some espionage, I'm sure something will turn up.
  • When no quests are available:
We've got no missions for you, but I'm sure that won't last long. Something's always going wrong.
Return later, when you are more experienced.


Level 2 - Spooky Forest Quest

  • Initial text:
Your mission, Agent, should you choose to accept it (you have no choice), is to procure the latest mosquito larva from the Spooky Forest. Security is tight, and we can't tell you why we need it, but it's of the utmost importance. The coordinates are in this file.
New Area Unlocked
Bigmap.gifThe Spooky Forest, in The Distant Woods.
  • Subsequent times:
How dare you blow your cover and show up here without completing your mission. Get us that mosquito larva!
  • When returning with the mosquito larva:
Mission accomplished! You've served your Kingdom well by obtaining the larva.
Meat.gifYou gain 500 Meat.

Level 3 - Typical Tavern Quest

  • Initial text:
Word is, we've got a rat in the organization. Several actually. Talk to our contact in the Typical Tavern for the details.
  • Subsequent times:
Have you outed the rats? We're all in danger until you visit the Typical Tavern and take care of the problems.

Level 4 - Boss Bat Quest

  • Initial text:
Your next target is a local crime boss, the Boss Bat. He's gone deep underground in the Nearby Plains and built up an army of bats. He'll only live once, so kill him an[sic] bring back proof of unlife.
  • Subsequent times:
The Boss Bat is still alive isn't he? Do your job.
  • After defeating the Boss Bat:
Well done! You've brought us a view to your killing of the Boss Bat!

Level 5 - The King of Cobb's Knob Quest

  • Initial text:
Word on the dark net is that the Knob Goblins, who normally keep to themselves over at Cobb's Knob, are planning a major military action against Seaside Town.
We need you to go deep under cover in the Knob, and using your license to kill on the Goblin King.
Double-Oh Three has determined that there is a secret entrance that will allow you to access the inside of the Knob. They recovered this map, but nobody knows how to read it.
You'll need to figure out how to decrypt the symbols on it if you're going to find that entrance, maybe some sort of Lektor machine or something.
Map.gifYou acquire an item: Cobb's Knob map
  • Subsequent times, before accessing the inside of the Knob:
Scout around the the Outskirts for some intel on decrypting that map.
  • After accessing the inside of the Knob:
What are you doing here? You'll blow your cover and we'll lose our shot at the Goblin King!
  • After defeating the Goblin King:
Well done agent, kill confirmed. Looks like the Goblin King's entire network has fallen apart in his absence.

Level 6 - Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest

  • Initial text:
Something has scared the living daylights out of the Deep Fat Friars. We're deploying you in their grove to see what assistance you can provide.
  • Subsequent times:
You need to get control of the situation with the Deep Fat Friars, get back to the Distant Woods.

Level 7 - Undefile the Cyrpt Quest

  • Initial text:
Seems like there is a new terrorist cell in the Cyrpt, near the Misspelled Cemetary. We suspect there's a ring-leader activating all the local eternal-sleeper cells. Take this gadget from Q-Branch and root him out:
Evilometer.gifYou acquire an item: Evilometer
  • Subsequent times:
The terrorist have won. Er, are still winning in the Cyrpt. Get back there and sort it out.
  • After defeating the Bonerdagon:
Ah, yes, the Bonerdagon, that notorious underground terrorist. Good job.

Level 8 - Mt. McLargeHuge Quest

  • Initial text:
Grab your bag, Agent, you're on the next flight to the Big Mountains. Seems like our operative there, codename the Trapper, needs assistance.
  • Subsequent times:
Diamonds are forever, but that ore isn't. Get back and finish the job with Trapper.

Level 9 - Orc Chasm Quest

  • Initial text:
You're being sent to the Highlands. Black Angus is raising a stink and we can't afford the fallout if he decides to spill the beans about that other thing. Could you do us a favor and go to his tower, in the Highlands? The Highlands are just on the other side of the Orc Chasm. We'll mark it on your map.
Cross the Orc Chasm and do what it takes to make Angus happy.
Your name is <name>, right? LI-intercepted this weird message about you:
Guildapp.gifYou acquire an item: strange leaflet
  • Subsequent times:
I know it'd be easier to live and let Black Angus die, but we can't afford that right now, politically.

Level 10 - Giant Trash Quest

  • Initial text:
Agent, we need you go report to the Nearby Plains and investigate the current bout of anti-eco-terrorism. Giant piles of garbage keep falling from the sky, like some moonraker is up there knocking them down. It's your mission to stop this scourge.
  • Subsequent times:
Report back to the Nearby Plains and solve this ecological garbage crisis.
  • After completing the quest:
Well done, Agent. The garbage has stopped falling. Whatever you did it worked. Here's a token in honor of your service.
SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]

Level 11 - Quest for the Holy MacGuffin

  • Initial text:
Agent <name>, we have a complicated mission for you. It seems the father of a distant lands spy has gone missing while searching for a powerful artifact, the Holy MacGuffin. We've stolen his diary and it's stuck in customs in the Distant Lands.
First, you'll need to obtain a forged identity from the Black Market, then travel from The Shore to obtain the diary. Once you've done that, you must impersonate the distant lands operative, the child of the diary's author, and follow the clues in the diary to obtain this Holy MacGuffin. We certainly don't want it to fall in to the hands of another agency.
  • Subsequent times:
Any luck impersonating the son of the distant lands agent and obtaining the MacGuffin based on the intel in his diary?
  • After completing the quest:
Excellent, Agent <name>. Now we can ship this MacGuffin off for storage at Area 52, so no one can use it.
His Majesty has ordered a ticker tape parade in your honor. But, nobody can know your identity or the roll[sic] you played. So, we sent an actor. We saved you this:
Confetti.gifYou acquire an item: handful of confetti

Level 12 - Mysterious Island Quest

  • Initial text:
Ok, this mission is going to sound a little bit like the various terrorist and criminal plots that you're normally stopping... but we're the good guys, so it's OK.
We need you to incite war between the frat boys and the hippies. Totally destabilize the region. One you've done so, we'll have further orders.
  • Subsequent times:
The Mysterious Island still seems awfully stable. Do we need to send another agent? The world is not enough space for those groups to co-exist. This should be easy!
  • After starting the war:
Great, you've started the war.
Now end it.
No, seriously. Now that we've secretly started the war, we want to publicly end it. Talk to all the operatives on the island, kill a bunch of people, just make a big scene and end the war.
  • After defeating the hippies:
Good job Agent. We told you to make a big public spectacle of ending the war. The frat boys will be much easier to control with their numbers decimated. You deserve a medal!
SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]
  • After defeating the frat boys:
Good job Agent. We told you to make a big public spectacle of ending the war. The hippies will be much easier to control with their numbers decimated. You deserve a medal!
SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]
  • After defeating both sides:
Good job Agent. We told you to make a big public spectacle of ending the war. You deserve a medal!
Wossname.gifYou acquire an item: Order of the Silver Wossname

Level 13 - Naughty Sorceress Quest

  • Initial text:
Agent <name>! We've recently intercepted chatter suggesting that a shadowy figure is holding some sort of contest. We believe that this may be the leader of the secretive organization behind all the recent criminal activity. Your mission is to enter this contest and destroy this criminal. He's hosting the contest in the Lair of the Naughty Sorceress. If our sources our[sic] correct, he had her killed after one too many failures, and took over her lair.
  • Subsequent times:
Head to the Naughty Sorceress's lair and take care of the villain now residing there.
  • After completing the quest, but before freeing the king:
Greetings Agent <name>. We couldn't help but notice that you defeated "Blofeld" and then left the King trapped above the lair. You should probably head back there and free him when you get a chance. You do work for him, after all.