The Candy Witch and the Relentless Child Thieves

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Your HouseSweet-Ade LakeEager Rice BurrowsGumdrop ForestCandywitch bg.gif

The Candy Witch and the Relentless Child Thieves is an area in the Distant Woods unlocked when you use a grimstone mask and choose to become the witch.

This area is a mini-game in which you attempt to collect, and defend, as much candy as possible. The game lasts for 30 turns, not counting the expository adventures that occur in each of the three zones.

Your House will be attacked by candy-stealing children every 10 turns, for a total of three times. Each time they attack, there will be three different types of children in the onslaught.

Each zone has three different monsters which drop "Candy", which is not a regular item, but nonetheless is affected by +Candy modifiers. Regular +Item modifiers do not work.

Each zone also has two noncombat choice adventures which improve your defenses, or give you more candy, or give you information about the upcoming attack.

Noncombats are scheduled, and the turns between each invasion occur as follows:

Combat, Combat, Combat, Combat, Noncombat #1, Combat, Combat, Combat, Noncombat #2, Combat, Invasion

The First Noncombat will always be in the set of First Noncombats, and the second will always be in the set of Second Noncombats.


Your House has 5 possible defenses:

  • Anti-Aircraft Turrets: defends against bubble gum balloonists and chubby little brutes
  • Wall: defends against pole vaulters and tunnelers
  • Minefield: defends against chubby little brutes and ?
  • Moat: defends against cinnamon arsonists and pole vaulters
  • Jars of Poison: defends against tunnelers and balloonists?

Defeating monsters in the zones with a sufficient type of a certain elemental damage will result in them dropping defences, but no candy. These are:

  • Pixie - Hot - Turret
  • Pirannah - Cold - Moat
  • Snake - Stench - Poison
  • Tree - Spooky - Wall
  • Weasel - Sleaze - Mine

(The exact mechanism for getting defenses instead of candy is not known, but initially appears to work like the overkilling of Hobos for scarehobo parts.)

Your defenses all start at strength 0, and can be increased by choice adventures results, or by defeating the monsters as shown above.


Each attack against Your House consists of 3 waves. Each wave has a single type of attacker, which is vulnerable to a specific defense (see Defenses).

During these waves, some of your defenses can be knocked out (Decreases the defense by one strength) :

  • Bubble gum balloonists: Unfortunately, an errant shell sets off a chain reaction in your minefield, destroying several mines.
  • Cinnamon arsonists: Unfortunately, an errant firebomb burned down a section of your wall...
  • Chubby Brutes: You hear the shattering of glass from the basement as the rumbling of the mines breaks one of your vials of poison. Drat.
  • Tunnelers: Wouldn't you know it, though, their careless tunneling lowered the level of your moat.
  • Pole Vaulters: Unfortunately, one of them manages to knock down one of your anti-aircraft turrets.

(Needs more data!)


  • Upon completion of the mini-game, depending on your score, you receive:

For ensuring the witch's continued survival, you have earned this witch day your daily witch bread.

Jarl slicedbread.gifYou acquire an item: witch's bread
  • With a score in the (all-time) top 80% of runs:

And for doing such a fine job, you also get your witch's due in witch's brew!

Coffeecup.gifYou acquire an item: witch's brew
or, with a score in the (all-time) top 90% of runs:

And for doing such a remarkable job, you also get your witch's due in witch's brew!

Coffeecup.gifYou acquire 2 witch's brews
  • Being in First Place on the Longest-Lived Candy Witches leaderboard at rollover rewards you with a witch's bra, if you have not received one in the past. This is delivered in a message from Mother Goose that reads:

(PlayerName), Well done, dearie! Your performance was top notch! Please accept this gift -- a small token of a mother's pride. Love, Mother Goose

Bra.gifYou acquire an item: witch's bra
    • If First Place has already received a witch's bra, Second Place will receive it, and so on.