The Beaten-Senseless Man's Hand

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The Beaten-Senseless Man's Hand
The Beaten-Senseless Man's Hand

You encounter a group of shady-looking characters sitting around a pile of meat, playing cards. Curious, you approach them

"Hey there, fellows! What game are you playing?" you ask. They look up at you with narrowed eyes.

"Five-card Deathwish," one of them growls.

"Neat! Is that like Pinochle? Deal me in," you say, hunkering down and taking out your meat pouch. The narrowed eyes widen, and slow snaggletoothed grins appear around the circle.

The game turns out to be pretty interesting, and you do quite well at first, but your luck suddenly changes and all your winnings end up in the pot, along with all the meat you started with. To be fair, though, most of the other guys' meat is in there too, and the hand is down to just you and a guy with the colorful nickname "Surprisingly Psychotic Tony".

Tony puts down his cards. "Full house. Can you beat that, sucker?"

"Gosh, Tony," you frown. "I don't think I can. All I've got is two pair -- a pair of ones, and another pair of ones." You lay down your four aces.

Tony looks aghast. "Are you kidding me? The complete newcomer wins the high-stakes card game despite not knowing the rules? I hate that cliché!"

"Absolutely!" spits another guy. "That worn-out old trope has got to be one of the oldest in the book! That makes me really furious!"

"It's bad enough that the situation is utterly unrealistic," growls a third, slipping on a pair of brass knuckles, "But to use the old "a pair of ones and another pair of ones" gag? You think we're gonna put up with that sort of hackneyed tripe?"

You can probably guess where this is going: they beat you mercilessly, and leave you with your winnings and the four aces -- one pair up each nostril.

Meat.gifYou gain 4,000 Meat.
Beatenup.gifYou acquire an effect: Beaten Up
(duration: 10 Adventures)

Occurs at South of The Border (Bad Moon only).


  • Interestingly enough, getting yourself re-Beaten Up on your next adventure will cause your HP to fall to 0, but your turns of Beaten Up will go down to 3. Of course, resting at your campsite is a more effective way of removing this effect.


  • This particular trope is most commonly known from the Bugs Bunny cartoon "Barbary-Coast Bunny", where Bugs beats Nasty Canasta's full house with four aces, which Bugs refers to as "two pair -- a pair of ones, and another pair of ones."
  • The phrase "I hate that cliché!" followed by a violent reaction are references to a scene in the movie Blazing Saddles.
  • The title of the adventure is a spoof of the dead man's hand, usually referring to two pair, aces and eights.
  • "Surprisingly Psychotic Tony" may be a reference to Fat Tony, a mafia boss in the Simpsons.